Better half of 2014 - all about me

lulabelle

Thanks stressed mum

Woke up in middle of night having a panic attack and my stomach is off (has been last few days) as am just petrified by what I'm about to do

Every sensible bone in my body says don't quit without finding another job but the other bones say I need some time off to relax and regroup and work out what I want from life

If I work the next 3 months and economise I can save enough to take 3 months off and cover my bills plus a decent amount of spending money without touching other savings. If I've still not found a job I have my savings or I could auction my engagement ring which is worth about 11500 (and obv means nothing to me anymore other than it being a lovely piece of jewellery) which, after fees, would keep me going for a while

But despite all that I'm still scared, I guess because having a job has always been drilled into me and I'm just leaping without this time

That said, I kind of think if I don't do it this way I'll never get out of law. There will always be a reason not to go then the years will tick by and it will be too late

I do have incredible feelings of guilt at leaving - guilt I'm leaving ghe others in the lurch, guilt at letting my parents down, guilt at the worry they will have until I do get a new job, guilt about putting myself in this position. But someone I know in the same profession recently committed suicide and it's becoming more and more prevalent in lawyers. I don't want to become one of those statistics

MarylandCookie_2

Hi Lula just catching up with your diary. Wowzers, big decision you're about to take, or have taken! Have you done the deed? How are you feeling?

And another big wow for having an engagement ring worth that much, I'm guessing that's not a typo lol!!

Big hugs, hope your ok xx

stressed.mum

I understand how you feel Lulabelle, however sometimes you have to think with your heart not your head. You sound like you have thought it through and you know it is best for you to quit now. don't worry about 'letting down' anyone, or what people will think about your decision. Only you know how things affect you and the only person you have to justify your decision to is YOU. No job is worth making yourself Ill.
Take care, pull in your belt and enjoy the next stage of your life xxxxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

When I left my awful job two years ago - this month actually! I was terrified.


I had spent about 2- 3 years thinking I could not leave because I wouldn't have another job and I wouldn't be employable.


and I felt guilty about leaving the kids. The thing is. there is always something to keep you. The list to leave tho - that gets bigger all the time.


and now, it sounds like a matter of life or death- I don't mean you are going to throw yourself under the nearest bus I just mean it is there as a possibility in the place you work. It is there in conversation, on the list of concerns. You don't want that. In my job it is having a heart attack. that is what people worry about. teacher dropping dead cos they can't take it any more.


I have stood in a class room and seriously considered - am I having a heart attack? I don't now but I did.


you can get out you can be different. you can handle it


Love Buffy XX

lulabelle

Thanks for the responses guys

So, I did it. Thursday. I didn't hand in my letter but spoke to senior partner in person. First thing he did was give me a massive hug. Don't think he'd realised I was so unhappy.

I talked him through the reasons I need to do it now - no kids, husband etc so no-one to worry about other than me if it is wrong decision. He totally understood

Told him I felt this profession would only get harder. He agreed. Said I'd picked a tough trade and that it's hard enough even when you enjoy it

He then told the other big man, the one I clash with

He said he was absolutely gutted on a personal level I was going. He said he knew we'd clashed in the past but he really liked and respected me and was gutted

They both said they thought I was good at the job and they liked me and didn't want me to go

They're floating with me the idea of a sabbatical as think part of them worries I just need a break. I guess that's a possibility

They also said if I do go, no bridges are burned or doors shut - if I feel I've made a mistake in 18 months - 2 years and they have a job, I can come back

They could not have been better really. But it makes me worried I've made wrong decision

In some ways a nice reaction is harder

Arghhhhh. The thought of having no income for a while scares me to death

supersaver1000

I wish I could send you a copy of Alan Carr's No More Worrying - its a tiny book but really helped me to make some decisions in life. I had a job that gave me sleepless nights and stomach problems - and that was before I'd even started. I've since made two moves and about to make another. Change is scary but you need to look at what the problem is and whether you have a solution. Sounds simple but you really need to look at what the worst that could happen is and whether you could live with it. Believe me your health is worth so much more, when you feel healthy these problems don't even figure on your radar.

You must be really clever to have passed your exams and be working in law. To feel that you aren't means that something isn't right.

Good luck with the decision, but try that book too. x

lulabelle

Thanks SS, it's kind of you to say I must be clever but honestly, working in this field I am really just average - there are SO many lawyers out there much cleverer than me!

So, I'm having a wobble about my decision. On Tuesday they offered me another role as someone else leaving - but it means I'd really just be ordering paperclios and dealing with the secretaries rota. And I don't want to give up on a career - I just don't want to do litigation and go to court any more

Anyway, I was in turmoil over whether to take it as pay was probably what I'd get starting again in a new field. The boy thought maybe take it as would be an income whilst I studied for another qualification but I just felt I'd be better off just severing ties and getting right into a new company

Decision was then taken away from me weds as they withdrew the offer saying they'd sorted it!

Anyway, this morning was horrid - 2 clients shouted at me on the phone and I ended up in tears (not on the phone obv) and I was thinking thank god I'm going I won't have to put up with this !!!! anymore. Then this pm was working with the nice boss and there was a real sense of camaraderie and I felt sad and thought I'm going to miss this - we were kicking about an application we are going to make and discussing the grounds and it's on something I feel I know so I was quite into it

I just have to keep bringing myself back to this: I hate going to court. I hate the fact your opponent and the judge are trying to trip you up and pull you down. I hate the fact the clients are there and rip you to shreds after. And it's only going to get harder. I hate the fact, like tonight, I'd had a pedicure and was all relaxed in anticipation of my 3 day weekend (I'm off tomorrow) and a client sent me a text (same client who made me cry this morning) asking me to call. I then felt stress in my own home because they are texting me at 8pm. I have to remember that when I'm on holiday I can never relax as I'm expected to constantly check and respond to emails. I do not want that life for myself or, if I'm lucky enough, my husband and kids.

But it is hard.

supersaver1000

Lulabelle, you are obviously really bright, but when you are doing something with your heart not in it, it's hard and there's no synergy.

My carp job was the same. Sapped my confidence and my strength. When I made the move it wasn't plain sailing but it was the right thing to do and has worked out for me now. My salary is almost back to what it was but without the stress and nastiness, living on edge all the time was no fun.

What you felt with your nice boss, can be the future somewhere else. It may take a while to find it, but you've made the first steps. Best of luck. It will all work out in the end.

lulabelle

Thanks SS.

Had another conversation with them today. Now they're suggesting I take a role where I don't go to court but just do the prep work but they would have to pay me less money (they didn't say how much less)

But tbh, that's what I've been doing this year anyway, have barely been to court and still hate it. Because I'm still under the pressure of court deadlines and having to check emails when I'm away or work weekends if needed and that won't change even if am no longer doing court. Plus it limits my prospects there for the future and I'd be doing pretty much what I'm doing now but for less money - would be a win for them really but not for me

I think I need to stick to my guns and make a clean break - not had chance to discuss it with the boy yet but I just want out of this whole damn profession

MSE is not gojng v well! I was away this weekend so have spent a bl££dy fortune! I really do need to tighten my belt but am away again this weekend then it's highlights and haircut the weekend after

stressed.mum

Well done LuLu for discussing all the options, but I think you know you have already made up your mind to leave and try something else. You need to do what you feel is best for you now. Enjoy the next next chapter of your life xxxxx