Better half of 2014 - all about me

lulabelle

wow brightspark - that sounds like you made an amazing move - so pleased it all worked out for you! It is so hard when you put your life and soul into a job and it still isn't enough for them hey? Last year I was so exhausted working every hour under the sun and when it came to salary review in january this year I got a measly less than rpi rise (when hadn't had any rise the year before) and when I queried it saying that i was way over target so i didn't understand why i wasn't at least getting a bonus i was told that the rise was for the work i had done last year and they didn't think this coming year was going to be like that (even though i earned them over 100k what i should have been). well too right it wasn't, because I'm now not motivated, i told them i was not happy earlier this year and they said i could move into another area then went back on it and i just can't stand it any more!

Today has been quite frankly !!!!. was supposed to go to do a grocery shop after work as boy is working late and i am of course leaving on time as i am under notice (and not that busy anyway) and we have no food in after hols. went to get in my car and it won't start! no idea what's wrong with it! bought it second hand from a garage but with a 3 month warranty. couldn't remember when i bought it - so checked diary and it says 27 july!!! so i've texted the bloke and also emailed the garage putting them on notice there is a problem to hope it falls within the 3 month warranty. if not, the boy's brother in law used to work at that garage and on those type of cars so he might be able to fix it and just charge parts and a cooked dinner or something! but really flaming annoying after an expensive holiday (some of the stuff has come through on credit card but there's loads to go so am quite stressed by it) and just endless meals out etc that we can't cancel because then we will not see people. In reality, i have savings and no debt (other than mortgage) so it's fine but i think i'm getting so stressed as had in my head what i wanted to save and it seems to be depleting daily.

kind of think i should cancel the personal trainer as that is 60 a week (2 sessions) but i do feel really good after it and i know if i joined a gym i just wouldn't go (well, not whilst working anyway)

boy is going to pick me up in his car to go food shopping but means we won't be home or eat until late and i am exhausted. plus i hate going food shopping with him as he shoves personal stuff in the trolley without any care for price and i end up paying for half of it!

oooooh i do hate being annoyed and in a bad mood. i can't even have a cup of tea as there's no milk!!!!!

right, i had better stop ranting before i do all your heads in!!!!

lulabelle

btw, thanks buster - yes, it has been a long time coming!!! this time i really felt a sense of calm (and have since other than when i get huge expenses like this week and then i think !!!! i need the money!) which i didn't last time so think it is the right time for me.

been checking in on you on your thread from time to time though not posting. not as active on here these days, mainly as been v busy this summer.x

Brightspark87

The personal trainer is not expensive for one, but perhaps you could do one a week? I know how much I love the gym again now. You could get a membership for a really fancy gym for half the price of those sessions, although the benefit and knowing you've got them means you have to motivate yourself.

I set myself targets and take photos of cross trainer or treadmill when I have reached my goal and then I have to show my DH. Its not easy but do what works for you.

Good luck with the car sure you can sort it x

lulabelle

so, good news re the car - they agreed it was in warranty period, picking it up, fixed it and returned it yesterday - amazing service!

yesterday at work was so rubbish. it's so boring and hard to motivate myself. i think it's because i've stayed too long to the point where i am now so fed up of litigation that i just don't care. my boss keeps coming in getting all excited about "getting one over" on the other side and i really just find myself thinking life is too short! i guess that's because i've never really had the passion for it. god, apparently i'm quite good at what i do - imagine how great i'll be at doing something i enjoy!

speaking of which, there is a role advertised for a practice manager at a local doctors - totally different to what i've done before but think i might apply - sounds like it could be fun.

spent nothing yesterday though when i checked my banking i was 64 down and i don't know why. that was annoying as obv depletes from my "escape fund" but will just have to try and be more frugal this month.

ran last night - hard after no exercise for a week and eating like a pig on holiday (plus booze!) but now up to run 2 walk 1 for 25 minutes and did it even though i didn't particularly enjoy it.

worked out with trainer this morning so that was 30. i think i might keep him up for the moment as i need to get myself in shape but when i'm off, just join a gym instead as will have the time and it will be cheaper. i do enjoy the one to one sessions though - he's kind of like a therapist too!

tonight the boy is out for a curry - the girls were meant to be coming over but people have given birth or too much work so it's been postponed. that's ok though, means i can watch hannibal on catch up (boy wasn't too keen on it when we started it last night) and snuggle up with the cat and candles in peace without the boy tapping away on his mac all the time!!!!

will try to be good and not get a take away and instead eat from stores to save save save.

happy hump day everyone!!!

lulabelle

so today at work was fine. big boss took me out for a coffee (great as fancied a c*sta but begrudge paying for them) and it was nice. It's on days like this i think why the heck am i leaving, not really any stress and nice atmosphere. But have to remember this is another 25-30 years of my life and the good days are few and far between.

spent another 10 today on a lottery draw syndicate ticket. worth it for the chance of winning tens of thousands!

other than that, no spends. have avoided take away and had dinner from stores. should be a no-spend day tomorrow too.

boy out for a curry and i'm about to watch hannibal

feeling pretty low though as spoke to my mum. i do love her dearly but she is never and has never been encouraging of anything i do. it just gets me down. reminded her i was doing the marathon and her attitude was "i can't see you doing that" rather than encouraging me to try. she said the same when i was thinking of entering bake off - put me off totally. no wonder i can be negative at times!

hurts to think of her that way as know she had a tough upbringing and i love her. just wish she hadn't let it affect how she was/is with me.

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't think you are negative Lula. You are intelligent and focussed. Crikey you have a personal trainer, were brave enough to date a guy even with all the crap you had, you have given in your notice after serious consideration. You believe things can be better. That is not the mindset of a negative person.

Your Mum is your Mum. She sounds like mine and even tho she can be amazingly negative I tell myself each time I feel knocked down that she does it to protect me. She wants me to be prepared and protected from failure. She tells me I am going to fail so I know, I won't try and I won't be hurt. I appreciate as an adult this isn't logical but as a mum she wants only to look after me.

Just remember that, it is all from a place of love and protection (you only grit your teeth the first 100 times!)

XXX

Brightspark87

If your trainer is all of those things to you then keep him - he is the same cost as a therapist but you also get fit at the same time also good for your happiness!

Glad you had a good day at work, sometimes I did in my last three months. You take those and remember them fondly. You have made the right choice for you.

Sorry about your mum, I am sure anyone would be proud of all you have achieved maybe she isn't very good at showing it? Perhaps she tries to keep you 'ground' to stop you being disappointed? My dad does this with me. x

lulabelle

thanks bufster and bright spark. you could well be right, she is so used to things not working out for her that maybe it's just her way of "helping" me to deal with the inevitable crap life will bring! And thanks buffy for those kind words - proper cheered me up when i read that last night!

today was odd. big boss barely wanted to speak to me and was being strange. one of the other bosses was pushing me to do a hearing which would stress me out beyond belief but thankfully i can't due to other reasons. it's weird how they go from hot to cold, nice to not. i don't really understand why. but today was a day when i thought "i'm glad i'm going and I've made the right decision"

no spend day today - we need another shoe rack and i should order it but have decided not to as want another no spend day! had a chicken salad for lunch made by the boy. he is out tonight at band practice so i'm having dinner from stores

was meant to run tonight but i don't feel too clever after some blood tests this morning (i hate needles so almost fainted) and not eating very much today. i also have trainer in the morning so have decided to give it a miss.

didn't really enjoy hannibal last night so am downloading scandal on sky instead. i used to be a cheap skate (or perhaps just money conscious) and just have a 10 subscription to sky for the recording function but the boy had full package with sports and moved it to mine so i'm paying half of that. it is an extravagance i suppose but he wants it and we split everything else so don't think its fair of me to say not paying half plus i do like the fact i have all the channels and downloads so will make use of it and only another 17.50 a month on top of what i was paying.

wish my tea would hurry up and cook - am starving!

Buffythedebtslayer

Scandal is good I think - I didn't like Hannibal either. Am also starving and waiting for tea to cook (fishcake and chips because I eat like a seven year old) so will make more sense later.

Also I am drinking water and it is NOT helping with the hungry!!

lulabelle

ha ha, i had fishcakes the other night buffy! and nothing wrong with eating like a 7 year old - the boy always says i'm 5 - sweet potato fries are my fave!

have had my tea now which was pretty healthy - chicken breast with chilli, lime and ginger, green beans, asparagus and spinach pasta. do feel better already - think i didn't eat enough today which is why i couldn't face running which am regretting now

have also just had a strip of milka, finished off what was left - will have to hide that fact from the boy! mind you, he sometimes eats all mine - i need to be like that girl in the galaxy advert who has a shoe box to hide her secret chocolate stash in!

i am obsessively checking my finances at the moment - slightly worrying