Better half of 2014 - all about me

lulabelle

So I'm up at stupid o clock for training. Could really do with sleeping instead or working but it's my last session until mid sept cos of my holiday so want to go

Big boss has asked me for something ahead of last day in court this morning and I'm not sure I can deliver as don't really understand. He got annoyed at me yesterday because he's busy he said he could really have done with me doing the part he's doing now so he can do other stuff. It's not really fair of him to say that because (a) we agreed our respective roles weeks ago and I'm not prepared and (b) clients wanted and were expecting him to do this part

I have major problems with this particular boss and last year had to have therapy purely because of him though he makes everyone feel that way

Anyway, will be over hopefully by midday today then life can get back to normal

Am looking forward to going away but will miss the cat

lulabelle

Trial is OVER! Yay!!!! And I produced some comments for the big boss this morning but he ignored them anyway so that's fine

Other big boss sent me home at 1 and said just to enjoy an afternoon off so I've been to the let centre to get a new carrier for the cat (other one was falling apart) which was £24.99 so not cheap but I wanted a good one for him. Am now sat in bed with a cup of coffee and my book which I'm going to finish so can start a new one. Cat has just come in go snuggle up too

Had a bit of a chat in boardroom with the 2 big bosses after trial and they were both (unprompted) telling me stories about when they were younger and went to hearings where they struggled to understand things and didn't know what they were doing. Perhaps their way of saying they were like me once and I should stick at it

lulabelle

I know I should be happy for her and not get envious but a childhood friend of mine just seems to have everything fall into her lap. She's gorgeous, thin, people like her, she has a decent job and now she's found a wonderful bloke pretty much straight after ending a relationship with another wonderful bloke (just wasn't right for her) and now she's moving in with him. No doubt she'll be married and pregnant soon. I just don't understand why I've had such rotten luck the past almost 6 years.

giblet1979

Aww lula...so much to send hugs for. I'm sorry you've had such a rough trial (and rough day) but it does sound positive at the end there about the two big bosses. I doubt they'd say 'well done' but they obviously want to at least show that they're human, which must be a good sign????

I'm so glad you got to chill with a book, and that you're looking forward to your holiday (although I hear you about missing the cat; just think how pleased you'll be to see each other when you get back!)

Re: the friend. I know people like this myself and it is hard not to think 'why not me'. It's weird because I can understand your envy, but, do people really see her in that light. I think that others can sense when you have been through stuff yourself, and can see that you empathise / understand more and it makes you a more rounded person. Doesn't make the Cr*p nice to go through tho, and I'm really sorry it's made you feel like this. I don't think any of that has made sense, but ultimately I think I'm saying that you seem like a really nice person, I do believe that things work out in the end although not as we always think they will, and that there will be good things in your future, PG.

Sending all the positive vibes I can your way hon x

lulabelle

As ww thanks giblet. I'm so glad I have the people on here to "talk" to. Sounds sad but my friends, even the close ones, just don't get it. I've GOT to stop worrying about my age and future. It's driving me insane. Think I just wish I'd never met !!!!head in feb because in jan when I started my fitness regime I was truly in a good place. Been trying to get back into that but it's hard because (a) even though I know deep down he wasn't right for me it was still nice and comforting to have him, particularly when going through a !!!! time with work stress and I can't now go back to not knowing of his existence and (b) am almost another year older.

I think all that's missing from my life is a partner and child and that's what I'm craving but I can't base my happiness on "having" those things because you never know what is going to happen and that could all be taken away in the future (if ever I got it in the first place) so, I know I have to work on being happy within myself

Just wish I'd never met !!!!head or run when my instinct (and old boss!) was telling me to!!!

giblet1979

sorry hon; bless you (god I hope that doesn't sound too patronising, it isn't meant to)

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! If we never made mistakes or wrong choices, we'd never learn what we don't want.

I hope you can get back in that January place, and maybe use it as an incentive to move forward rather than dwell on @rsef@ce....easier said than done I'm sure

I bet the stress of the trial and everything would have made it hard to meet someone anyway - you never know what is round the corner, and (as far as I know) you are only young? There is plenty of time for fate to intervene with the man of your dreams.

Thinking of you, and here to 'talk' anytime x

lulabelle

Thanks giblet. I'm almost 36 but yes, I've not really had time to meet anyone since splitting from @rsef@ce (love it!) and now have more time. Had some girlie time tonight with friends I'd cut myself off from when I was down. Was so glad I saw them and feel good for it. They are excited about my escapades in New York and Miami and have asked me to set up a what's app group to keep them updated!

Buffythedebtslayer

lulabelle wrote: »

As ww thanks giblet. I'm so glad I have the people on here to "talk" to. Sounds sad but my friends, even the close ones, just don't get it. I've GOT to stop worrying about my age and future. It's driving me insane. Think I just wish I'd never met !!!!head in feb because in jan when I started my fitness regime I was truly in a good place. Been trying to get back into that but it's hard because (a) even though I know deep down he wasn't right for me it was still nice and comforting to have him, particularly when going through a !!!! time with work stress and I can't now go back to not knowing of his existence and (b) am almost another year older.

I think all that's missing from my life is a partner and child and that's what I'm craving but I can't base my happiness on "having" those things because you never know what is going to happen and that could all be taken away in the future (if ever I got it in the first place) so, I know I have to work on being happy within myself

Just wish I'd never met !!!!head or run when my instinct (and old boss!) was telling me to!!!

I absolutely could have written that. Before I met the last guy I dated (over 2 years ago now, finished with him last summer) I was getting to be ok with being on my own. But he did give me a taste of what it would be like to be with someone. I have never been that happy. Sad thing to admit but it is true.

It is hard to deal with Lula XX I won't lie. I manage it by making sure I have single friends, making sure I keep up with my friends, I did for a long time post break up just disappear it did really screw me up. I also only make plans for three - six months at a time.

So currently I have a 100 days challenge to generally improve things. I try very hard not to think of the future in any detail. I know I want a house so am saving, I have a pension. that is it.

I am also kind to myself. The overwhelming majority of my friends have husbands, houses and children. I do limit the time I spend with them. I can't help it. I maybe do one in three kid related event. Which sounds mean I know I but having it thrown in your face - obviously not deliberately! I love my friends and they love me, but it is hard. just as in a smaller way it drives my friend nuts that I can have a nap if I want one. I make plans. I read. I write. I try to find things that I find meaningful.

I walk the dogs a lot too! Pets are marvellous


I also lucky that my job keeps me busy and I have nearly always been single so am good at going to events alone. A guy messaged me the other day and I thought sod it I can't be bothered with this anymore and it felt like a relief. I can pursue the things I want and never have to negotiate or wait.

I hope you find a guy Lula.


hugs XXXXXX

lulabelle

Thanks bufster. It's almost harder when you let someone in, you are incredibly happy, that is ripped away and then you have to try to build yourself back to the happy place where you were on your own before they came into your life but you can't un-think them and what's happened and how happy you were

I think I need to take it in bite sized chunks. Today I have a new client coming in for some advice and at least 2 other advices (1 I can do standing on my head as did that type of law for years and have a good instinct about it) to get out. But also getting hair cut at lunch and will pick up a few things for holibobs. Then tonight is fake tan and tv.

Tomorrow I've got one advice to get out and then having nails done late afternoon. I'll probs just disappear from the office at that point and go into town to get a few things for holidays then tomorrow night will pack and fake tan again. Some friends have invited me out to dinner as they have a friend (male) visiting but they're not going out until 9 and I'm up at 5am to catch a flight so am not going to go

Then I have my wonderful 2 week holiday of getting away from here and being in 2 fun and lively places and getting to see things and do things

Then I'm back and will throw self back into running and fitness. Then it's my birthday the weekend after I get back and am going away with my close friends (including my gay best mate who is coming back from France for it) for the weekend and will love spending time with them

By then, I'm hoping I'm totally over him and back to being happy on my own

I enjoyed my friends company last night but 2 of them are pregnant, 1 has a 7 month old and 1 is childless but walked out of a 10 year marriage straight into another serious relationship so I'm the only one alone which is hard at times

giblet1979

Sending hugs to you both, Lula and Buffy.

I too was [STRIKE]alone[/STRIKE] single for most of my life and only DH has convinced me that there are truly 'good guys' out there who would be interested in me. I haven't forgotten how it feels tho to see everyone around appearing happy and settled, and really hope you both find happiness. A very close friend is feeling similar to yourselves atm, even though they've always been adamant they didn't want a relationship in the past.

I hope you have a brilliant holiday Lula and come back happy and refreshed (and if you then want to give me a kick up the backside on the fitness front, I'd be grateful ) x