Can I afford to leave?

boltonangel

Hi

Without going into the whys I want to leave my husband and finally feel the time is right.
My main concern is wether I can afford it so am looking for some advice please.

I am working full time and have two children- one at high school and one at primary. My dh currently does most of the school runs because his job allows, mine would allow allow a drop off in the morning going forward. I do think my dh would be willing to pick them up though.

I've seen a house for £650 rent but it's been a long time since I paid rent/utility bills as we currently get free accommodation so I don't know if bills etc would make it unaffordable for me. I get a company car so don't have motoring costs. I earn £26000 pa and don't receive bonuses.

Is this enough? Would I be entitled to any help if I needed it?

Tia

boltonangel

I have no credit cards/loans

springdreams

None of us knows what your expenses are, so it is hard to say.

You need to work out a budget. Use this MSE tool to do that

https://budgetbrain.moneysavingexpert.com/auth/login

Once you have worked out your budget you will know whether you can afford to move out or not.

As regards utilities, surely you pay gas, electric, council tax, tv licence, etc. for the place you currently live in? If so use those figures for your budget. If not people here can provide input as to what those would typically cost to help you work out your budget.

As regards help, use a benefits calculator to find out whether you are entitled to any help:

https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

You will of course be entitled to child support from your DH if the children stay with you. That is usually 15% of his income for one child and 20% for two children.

Seanymph

Why do you assume you would take the children? He currently does the school runs, so presumably he takes on the care before and after too?

IF you have a decent reason for assuming you should have physical custody of the children why would they have to move house. I'd have thought the logic was for the parent who retained day to day care for the children to remain in the family home so they don't have to be uprooted.

I don't know legally how much weight those two things will give your partner, but in his shoes I'd be looking to keep the children at home with me. And it should be legally supported from the little you have written.

Confusedandneedhelp

Agree with sean, 'You' can afford to leave, but you're presuming the kids will go with you, even though your job doesnt allow you to provide as much care as he does.

Why would you uproot your children and take them away, or try to, from thei father, when it is YOU not them that is unhappy.

Clearly he's a good father (or you wouldve written otherwise, and what you've written is positive), and you dont mention any 'reasons' for the marriage to end.

If i was your husband id certainly be going for custody.

Morglin

boltonangel wrote: »

Hi

Without going into the whys I want to leave my husband and finally feel the time is right.
My main concern is wether I can afford it so am looking for some advice please.

I am working full time and have two children- one at high school and one at primary. My dh currently does most of the school runs because his job allows, mine would allow allow a drop off in the morning going forward. I do think my dh would be willing to pick them up though.

I've seen a house for £650 rent but it's been a long time since I paid rent/utility bills as we currently get free accommodation so I don't know if bills etc would make it unaffordable for me. I get a company car so don't have motoring costs. I earn £26000 pa and don't receive bonuses.

Is this enough? Would I be entitled to any help if I needed it?

Tia

Assuming you are not an abuse victim or anything like that, and in danger, you need to be working out the practicalities, and finances, before you actually leave.

This site will calculate any benefit/rent/TC entitlements you may be able to claim, and obviously, if DH is working, child maintenance will be paid.

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

But, you also need to see a solicitor, as you have kids, about your and husband's rights and responsibilities. Do you own any property, as that and savings over a certain amount, can affect top up benefits.

If you will be a lone parent, you also need to work out childcare, and cost, if you are working.

It's a long haul, making the break, but it can be done - best to make it as smooth as possible!

However, before yo even start, make sure a split really is the best thing for you and your children

Good luck.

Lin

duchy

If you leave with the children you'd be entitled to tax credits and also child support- if however you leave alone then you'd also get no benefits as a single adult and would be expected to pay your husband 20% of your income in child support.

You probably need to be looking at if your husband would go for custody -as said above as the primary carer and the one able to offer a stable home and not uproot the kids he would have a good case and also most parents in a marriage vastly under estimate just how tough it is to be a sole parent especially if they don't have the co-operation of the other parent. You are assuming he would facilitate your working by continuing to pick the kids up from school-If he doesn't want the divorce he may not be as compliant as you are assuming. He'd be perfectly within his rights to refuse and say he'd just have them every weekend leaving you to pay for after school clubs and holiday care.

There's an awful lot to think about - and a lot of scenarios to consider not just would you get benefits.

To rent a house you'd need a month's rent in advance, a deposit of another £650 plus any rental agency fees-plus moving costs plus any furniture you'd need to buy and if you have no idea about what utilities cost (which sounds incredible tbh)-you really need to educate yourself about that before considering if you can afford to move right now. A planned move knowing what your will be paying out and having made provision is a lot easier emotionally when you are also dealing with the fallout from a spouse and children that you are changing their lives too.
Do you have any idea if the children would want to move with you or if they might prefer to stay with their Dad ?

boltonangel

Firstly, I am the primary carer for our children as my husbands only contact with them is for 5 mins each day on the way to school and for 2 hours each night after school until I get home. He is then in work in the evenings and all weekend. Please do not assume that because I don't do the school runs I do not care for my children as much as he does. I do the meals, the bath times, the bedtimes, the homework, the cleaning, the fun days out etc.

I am currently in the fortunate position where I don't pay utility bills so I'm unsure how much these total.

There seems to be the assumption that I am making this decision lightly, I am not. I have been with my husband since I was 16 so this way of life is all I've ever known but neither of us make each other happy anymore.....quite the opposite in fact.

Mojisola

boltonangel wrote: »

Firstly, I am the primary carer for our children as my husbands only contact with them is for 5 mins each day on the way to school and for 2 hours each night after school until I get home. He is then in work in the evenings and all weekend. Please do not assume that because I don't do the school runs I do not care for my children as much as he does. I do the meals, the bath times, the bedtimes, the homework, the cleaning, the fun days out etc.

So why are you leaving? Wouldn't it be better for the children for you and them to stay in the family home?

alwaysskint96

Mojisola wrote: »

So why are you leaving? Wouldn't it be better for the children for you and them to stay in the family home?

Perhaps house is connected to the husbands job? And she would have no right to stay if he wasnt there

boltonangel

I should also add that it isn't incredible that I don't know how much utility bills are, we don't pay them so wouldn't want to underestimate the true cost.
My dh would not fight for custody because he couldn't care for the children and work. I can.
My husband doesn't contribute towards the children's upbringing other than paying for the Sky contract and fuel for the school run I suppose.

I went back to work as we we struggled for money, as my salary increased my husband stopped contributing financially. He has £20k saved up in HIS name, I do not want any of this so please don't judge me as the selfish one.