Can I afford to leave?

Carl31

If you live in a house, with bills paid for, connected to your husbands job.....how is he not contributing financially?

Gigervamp

Confusedandneedhelp, the reason I said what I did, was because you were laying into the OP. You weren't just putting across a different view, and you have done that to another poster in another thread.

Gigervamp

Duchy, it wasn't just an alternative viewpoint, he was laying into her and as I said, he's done this before.

duchy

Gigervamp wrote: »

Duchy, it wasn't just an alternative viewpoint, he was laying into her and as I said, he's done this before.

That's your opinion- reading back I'm not seeing it as you do but we all bring our own "baggage" to how we interpret things which is why I said -don't make it personal - argue the point rather than diss the person

Unless someone is blatantly trolling I personally think it is beyond rude to tell someone to ignore them. Everyone is entitled to an opinion (except trolls of course ) Most of us here are grown ups and are capable of deciding for ourselves if we want to ignore a particular viewpoint or not without needing to to be told .

Keeping_Positive

OP you are doing thecright thing in thinking of leaving. It is an abusive relationship but without violence many peopke including the victim don't see the full impact it has in a person. Please look at the womens aid website and forum.

It took me many years but im so glad I wzs abke to leave even though in my case I had to leave the kids

Keeping_Positive

Ps Feel free to PM me if you want to talk off board.

boltonangel

We didn't split up in 2013, that was a post following an argument in which he'd told me to leave his house again.

I happen to disagree with people who say I'm wrong for saying he doesn't contribute financially because his work provides accommodation......yes it does and he still takes home more than me so I don't think I'm unreasonable. The accommodation isn't without problems, it means I'm on call when he's away and if you want to look at it that way I provide a fully expensed vehicle so maybe I should knock paying some of the bills on the head to compensate for that.

duchy

You could certainly do a full spreadsheet detailing what you both bring to the pot
Eg calculate what the rent would be on the property if you rented it-the cost of leasing a car , gas, electric, water, food and on and on but ultimately if you were both happy with each other those things wouldn't matter -it'd be one pot, one family. It's the fact you aren't happy so it becomes a symptom.
Realistically you are on a reasonable salary your OH is on even more and you have no living expenses except food and clothes and petrol (oh and Sky TV ) which leaves a pretty good chunk of disposable income but the problem seems to be you don't have a "family" income you have a his money and her money income and that is causing huge resentment.

If you intended to stay then maybe it would be worth discussing what was a more equitable division of the remaining family expenses but if you are leaving anyway it's a bit pointless.

Mojisola

boltonangel wrote: »

Firstly he doesn't do ANYTHING within the house

He doesn't let me have friends other than those that are his staff,

I'm not allowed out on nights out even if I wanted to,

he constantly tells me I'm a rubbish mum because I can't do the school run,

I do ALL the housework,

I'm told how fat I am constantly

aswell as how !!!! I am at my job

and all of this is in front of the kids who are now starting to mirror this behaviour.

Carl31 wrote: »

If you live in a house, with bills paid for, connected to your husbands job.....how is he not contributing financially?

I wouldn't care if my husband provided every penny of the family expenses if he treated me as described above.

Confusedandneedhelp

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't care if my husband provided every penny of the family expenses if he treated me as described above.

The argument is the OP said he didn't provide financially!