Sister wants a loan!! What to do?

chevalier

I think you can only sit back and wait for the penny to drop. You know you can't help her have her lightbulb moment.....

good luck with the arguement!
chev

solventguy

O.K., to be contrarian:

Why not just give her the £200...

You know if you lend it to her, you're never going to see it again. Family is family, so I know it's hard to say no.

But give the money with just one condition: She never, ever, asks you for money again.

Tell her lending money leads to resentment, and this ruins relationships. You value your relationship with her - you want to stay friends. So you are not willing to lend her money. You are willing to give her £200 this once. Tell her that if she asks again, you will say no.

Your position will be clear. She'll know that you don't lend money, and won't give her any more, no matter how much she might try to make you feel guilty about not helping out.

Best of luck!

Skint_Catt

chevalier wrote: »

I think you can only sit back and wait for the penny to drop.

Ditto ditto ditto ditto.

She thinks she's ok as she has a never ending bank - none of us would have turned that down in the past on the never never. When she can't afford to eat/pay rent/go out then she might have her lightbulb moment.

I would say please don't make things tough on yourself by giving £200 you can't afford away even one more time. You've done it before - that should be enough.

I would be sooooo embarrased to tell someone I bought a £600 handbag (I wouldn't pay £60!) and then tell them I need to borrow money!

Good luck.

C xx

smudgemanc26

NekoZombie wrote: »

Yes, we had this discussion last night. I earn more than my sis, yet live in zone three cause its what I can afford. She pays £750 for a room (in a council flat with two other people I'll add, so her landlord is making a packet!!) to live very centrally. Part of the problem is she hangs out with some of the very rich london set, and I think she's trying to keep up. Her boyfriend is *very* well off - she's trying to pretend she's the same.

If her boyfriend is very well off cant she ask him to help her out but then again i suppose she would be too embarassed to wouldnt she, well that should be the same for going out spending a ridiculous amount of money on a bag then asking your family for money to pay the rent!

Just because you are asking family it doesnt make it right - i think she needs to learn this.

fistfullofdollars

solventguy wrote: »

O.K., to be contrarian:

Why not just give her the £200...

You know if you lend it to her, you're never going to see it again. Family is family, so I know it's hard to say no.

But give the money with just one condition: She never, ever, asks you for money again.

Tell her lending money leads to resentment, and this ruins relationships. You value your relationship with her - you want to stay friends. So you are not willing to lend her money. You are willing to give her £200 this once. Tell her that if she asks again, you will say no.

Your position will be clear. She'll know that you don't lend money, and won't give her any more, no matter how much she might try to make you feel guilty about not helping out.

Best of luck!

That sounds like the best bit of advice I've read. I think we are all quick to say NO but if you where in the OP predicament I think we might have different attitudes.

Just make sure you march her down to the cashpoint 1st thing Monday morning for your cash. There are plenty of machines on Oxford Road. I just worry if she is £200 short this month she will be at the end of next month for giving it back and will ask at the end of next month....

I'd print off this thread and show her or email her the link. You never know it might force her into a LBM. I think hearing people think she is thieving off her gran will be hard reading.

southwester_2

Hi again

Im afraid Im not one for being subtle, but you are going to have to tell her, youve got your own problems and cant lend her money and not get back on Monday, it will cause a rift for a few days but it will make her see sense.

NekoZombie

fistfullofdollars wrote: »

I'd print off this thread and show her or email her the link. You never know it might force her into a LBM. I think hearing people think she is thieving off her gran will be hard reading.

Hard reading, and she would no doubt say that people on here didn't understand cause they don't know the facts.

pinkkaz

come on then - what are the facts!

[Deleted User]

What is it with londoners they all think they are stock brokers,fund managers and lawyers when in all honesty a very minor percentage of them are. Its like some sort of mental illness.

As for how to tell her, if it were me go in all guns blazing then dont talk to her thereafter, shell come around in about 12 years after her second bankrupcy when she sees that people that save have everything and she is left with nothing but a tatty out of fashion bag, roaming the streets, bottle of whisky in a brown paper bag, looking around for a clean needle.

flaura

fistfullofdollars wrote: »

If you do give her the cash....

Take the handbag off her as a bond.

Give her 1 month to get the cash back to you or the handbag goes on ebay with a reserve of £250!

(£50 admin fee)

Totally agree take the handbag hostage - !! but seriously say no - I used to help my sister out all the time and this contributed to me getting myself in trouble !! she needs to learn she can't blow money on handags until after she's paid the rent bills etc etc ....