Sister wants a loan!! What to do?

NekoZombie

chevalier wrote: »

I am sorry you are in this situation, but don't lend her the money. £595 for a handbag and then to have the cheek to ask you for £200:mad: . I am sorry but she is just manipulating you and all of her family. When you tell her no, and she gets upset, say that you are upset that she spent £600 on a hand bag rather than paying of her elderly grandparents. I would be livid I really would
chev

I think mys sister's mentality is that my gran has just sold her flat in london with a very good profit, so she has cash to spare. I think that while that may be the case, she should have shown willing. This morning when I spoke to my gran about it, she said 'I'm not willing to help anymore'. If my sister had at any point said to my gran; 'here, I've got £50, I know its not much but have it', people would less reluctant to come to her aid. It's all take take take with my sister.

[Deleted User]

Well I can only speak about some of the people I know. I like my mate but his parents have taught him by bailing him out to think like -
"Well im just getting my inheritance early - i deserve it its my inheritance"
"Well this has just happened so I deserve a treat"
"I need that product/holiday"
"I can afford it"
"debt is just a way of life"
"I could be dead tomorow"
"ill just go bankrupt no big deal"
"i won X at the casino"

None of these things that go through his brain are true but thats what he has been conditioned to believe by his familys behaviour.

The fact that your sister bought a handbag over paying your grandparents back is theft in my mind, they dont have long to live, they have worked for it and now they are deprived of it by a selfish thief.

NekoZombie

Yant1 wrote: »

The fact that your sister bought a handbag over paying your grandparents back is theft in my mind, they dont have long to live, they have worked for it and now they are deprived of it by a selfish thief.

Very true.

chevalier

You know what is the right decision. That doesn't make it an easy one. But you have your own debt problems you mentioned, so why should you make your situation worse?

The decision has to be right for you, she may moan about it, but as others have said about a line in the sand, well this is the line. You can't afford it and she should be made aware of this.

It is harsh, she won't like you for it, but that is real life, which I suspect, she has been shielded from for FAR too long. Time for her to wake up and smell the debt.
chev

southwester_2

Absolutely a big No No, it wont be easy but she needs to be told a few home truths

misspoppy

Hi

There really is only one way to help her and that is to say no. You have said many times that she hasn't paid you or anyone back and that you never dreampt of calling her for a loan so why put yourself in a difficult position?

Many years ago when I was with my ex his brother used to ask us for a loan every wednesday they had just had a baby and weren't coping. Every friday they paid it back but then asked for it again. After a few months I made my ex say no they couldn't keep using us as an overdraft. It did upset them but it did make them open up about their problems and deal with them.

Please be strong and think of yourself just as she only thinks of herself.

NekoZombie

southwester wrote: »

Absolutely a big No No, it wont be easy but she needs to be told a few home truths

Interesting.. makes sense but how would you suggest I do it?

Storm

Why don't you print off this thread & give it to her?

Then you can say in all honesty 'computer says no'! (Or at least all the DFWs do!)

She is burying her head in the sand - send her to look on the BR board if she thinks it's an easy option - definitely no £600 handbags allowed there!

chevalier

tell her your family are not her personal bank and that if she can't live within her salary then a) move to a place with cheaper rent b) take the bag back c) talk to CCCS or payplan about sorting her debts out. Then do nothing else to help her until she is helping herself
chev

NekoZombie

chevalier wrote: »

tell her your family are not her personal bank and that if she can't live within her salary then a) move to a place with cheaper rent b) take the bag back c) talk to CCCS or payplan about sorting her debts out. Then do nothing else to help her until she is helping herself
chev

Yes, we had this discussion last night. I earn more than my sis, yet live in zone three cause its what I can afford. She pays £750 for a room (in a council flat with two other people I'll add, so her landlord is making a packet!!) to live very centrally. Part of the problem is she hangs out with some of the very rich london set, and I think she's trying to keep up. Her boyfriend is *very* well off - she's trying to pretend she's the same.