Sister wants a loan!! What to do?

NekoZombie

Hi guys

need a bit of advice really, as I'm not sure what to do. First things first; my sister want to borrow £200 to pay her rent this month. Apparently, she gets paid on Monday so will give me back the cash then. The main problem is that my sister is terrible with money and never pays people back. A couple of months ago she was behind on her rent by £1,500, and my gran bailed her out as the landlord was threatening to take her to court. My sister made assurances that she would pay some of the money back, but of course my gran has not seen a penny as yet.

I myself have given my sister small loans of £50 here and there, as she's trying to break into journalism so money is tight, none of them have ever been paid back. However, I nearly choked when I went to visit her the other day, and she'd bought herself a brand new mulberry handbag at £595! She said she wanted to treat herself as she often does without, but I couldn't help but think of the money she owes me. She also owes quite a bit on credit - she's decided she wants to declare herself bankrupt, which again worries me.

I think she lives way beyond her means (she lives on oxford street, her rent is £750 for a room) and she doesn't seem to learn from the past. She'll always shop over honoring her debts. I was really shocked when she called to borrow money for rent after what happened a couple of months ago. Further, I have my own money issues, so can't afford to give her £200 only for her not to give it back. I'm not sure what to do, as she is family. Opinions anyone?

Tashja

I am afraid I would say no.

While people keep bailing her out she is not going to realise the extent of her problems and therefore she will keep borrowing/spending/getting in deeper.

Also you really shouldn't be lending her money you can't afford to loose especially if you have problems of your own.

((hugs)) because this is a hard situation to be in.

T xx

baxgttdi

Hey, I'm no expert and many people might disagree with me but I wouldn't lend her it. You said yourself she has a record of not paying back what she borrows and only had a large sum off your grandparents a few months ago. Added to the fact that you relise she is living beyond her means and you have problems of your own to deal with I think you have to look at it objectively and say "can I afford to give £200 away?" as in reality that's probably what your gonig to be doing. Sorry if that sems a little harsh

Optimist

A definite no. From what you say your sister has form for not repaying her debts so she is in effect asking you for a £200 gift which as you say you cant afford. Suggest she visit the local CAB debt adviser.

cupid_s

Why don't you offer to give her the £200 in exchange for her lovely new mulberry handbag?

BlondeHeadOn

I would definitely not lend her the money.

I have been in this situation myself, and ended up feeling broke and extremely resentful after lending my brother lots of money and then him ringing up to tell me he had just spend - for example - £600 on a new digital camera (after I had just lent him £600 to pay his mortgage that month). And that was the tip of a very large and expensive iceberg.....

I did get most of it back in the end, but after a number of years and bad feelings about it.

Tell her about this site instead !!

davetrousers

Tough love is the way to go. She isn't going to learn while people are bailing her out all of the time. If it was a one off then of course you should help out but what willl happen next month when she needs to borrow £200 again.

Get your parents involved, it doesn't matter how old you are you will always listen to and fear/respect your parents.

If you do lend her the £200 can you manage without it? because it doesn't sound like you will get it back. Think what you could do with that £200.

going2die_rich

Time to cut her loose and let her sink or swim. If her job doesn't pay enough then she should cut back on items that aren't essentials or get a better paying job.

You might be her brother, but you can't carry her through life while she borrows money to spend on designer handbags! You might not be around forever so you need her to be able to look after herself.

Worst case scenario is, she gets kicked out of her flat and she has to sleep on your floor. It might be the bump to earth that she needs to sort herself out.

NekoZombie

cupid_s wrote: »

Why don't you offer to give her the £200 in exchange for her lovely new mulberry handbag?

Now that is a great idea - not sure she'd agree though!:rolleyes:

[Deleted User]

A definite NO!!!

I know lots of people that dont know anything about money because people keep bailing them out, well they dont change, they get bailed out for the rest of their lifes. I know a guy that has been bailed out by his dad to the tune of 100K he has 200k of debt on a 32k salary and his dad will need to keep bailing him out to the tune of 10-20k per year for teh foreseeable future.

You sister wont pay her rent with it shell buy a hqandbag instead, you know her. Dont do it unless you want to be her personal slave ie work to earn her moeny for the rest of your life!

NekoZombie

going2die_rich wrote: »

Time to cut her loose and let her sink or swim. If her job doesn't pay enough then she should cut back on items that aren't essentials or get a better paying job.

You might be her brother, but you can't carry her through life while she borrows money to spend on designer handbags! You might not be around forever so you need her to be able to look after herself.

Worst case scenario is, she gets kicked out of her flat and she has to sleep on your floor. It might be the bump to earth that she needs to sort herself out.

Yes I agree with the idea of this - actually doing it is very hard though. Part of me feels that I am really letting her down as she needs my help.