Sister wants a loan!! What to do?

gollygosh

i think you know the answer to this one, don't you? if it's reassurances your after then you've got them here. your not being a rotten sister in fact doing this could be her salvation especially if she falls on her a**e good and hard and has to face up to the facts of the situation.
good luck.

NekoZombie

fermi wrote: »

Hi Neko

I agree with the majority opinion here. You shouldn't give her the loan. It would end up being a gift.

Unless she sorts herself out, her financial position will probably come to a sticky end no matter how much you lend/give her.

The best gift you can give her is advice and support to sort out her finances and priorities once and for all.

That will be hard, but you have come a long way and gained invaluable experience in having to deal with your own situation.:D You can use that to help her.

Fermi, thanks for the advice. I'm very worried about her because she thinks bankruptcy is going to be an answer to all her problems - and I keep trying to point out that it won't be - she needs to change her way of thinking.

I know everyone is going to shoot me down, but I'm tempted to loan it to her, and when she inevitably defaults, I'll use that as a reason to never give her a loan again. She's adamant that she'll get paid on Monday. I don't believe her of course...

Arrrgh. I know what the common sense answer is, but its soo hard!

rjm2k1

Don't do it, she could ask for a cash advance from work (she'll have NO choice about paying that back as it will be taken from her wages). I suspect the handbag will have been bought on credit, but even so she has some nerve to ask for a loan after treating herself to such an expensive luxury! Tell her to pawn the handbag and then buy it back, or even better try taking it back to the shop for a refund! Don't give in, if you do you may feel better but you will only encourage her in her current habits, in the long run not helping her will help her more!

fermi

NekoZombie wrote: »

Fermi, thanks for the advice. I'm very worried about her because she thinks bankruptcy is going to be an answer to all her problems - and I keep trying to point out that it won't be - she needs to change her way of thinking.

If she thinks that then we both know she's in for a nasty shock. Despite what many people think, BR is not a quick fix. And if she can't/won't change her spending habits and the way she manages her finances, it would be a futile step as well.

NekoZombie wrote: »

I know you're going to shoot me down, but I'm tempted to loan it to her, and when she inevitably defaults, I'll use that as a reason to never give her a loan again. She's adamant that she'll get paid on Monday. I don't believe her of course...

I won't shoot you down, as only you know the full situation (both practically and emotionally). I wouldn't really advocate withholding help at any specific stage, but I think that you need to set a point in your own mind that you will not go beyond, and stick to it. That may be now, or in little while. The clear thing is that this situation/behaviour can't continue much longer.

RAS

Neko

The best thing parents can teach their children is how to live successful and independant lives. Your sis has not learnt that yet. You know that the longer other family members prop up her current lifestyle, the more debt she will accumulate.

If she is contemplating BK, is it really appropriate for you to give her more money?

I agree with Olly.

Explain your own situation,which means you do not have the readies to support her and remind her that you have already loaned her £xxx, of which you have received none/only £x back.

Consequently, until she repays what you have already lent her, you are unable to lend her any more.

I would also suggest that you, gran and other members of the family talk to each other and agree a strategy if possible.

I like the idea of holding the bag to ransom, although i suspect that whatever she paid you back would have been "borrowed" from another member of the family or a friend.

Offer to help her learn to budget, support her if she want to talk to one of the debt charities and tell her that if she becomes homeless, she could stay with you for x weeks at £x contribution to household expenses, but no more loans.

Finally, suggest that Rosie Millard is making a bomb selling articles on clearing debt, so how about writing about her experience?

[Deleted User]

NekoZombie wrote: »

Fermi, thanks for the advice. I'm very worried about her because she thinks bankruptcy is going to be an answer to all her problems - and I keep trying to point out that it won't be - she needs to change her way of thinking.

I know everyone is going to shoot me down, but I'm tempted to loan it to her, and when she inevitably defaults, I'll use that as a reason to never give her a loan again. She's adamant that she'll get paid on Monday. I don't believe her of course...

Arrrgh. I know what the common sense answer is, but its soo hard!

If your going to do that at least take £500s worth of stuff as calateral, id say about 2 ounzes of 22ct gold jewelery, as that will have a 500 quid scrap value. All banks want double there money back for a loan so its only fair. Id have the handbag as well prob worth 50 quid on ebay!

Bankruptcy will be the answer to her problems as they wont allow her credit for 6 years and she wont be able to rent posh places as theyll refuse her after a credit check. :T Let her go bankrupt and make some profit out of her in the short term

chevalier

I am sorry you are in this situation, but don't lend her the money. £595 for a handbag and then to have the cheek to ask you for £200:mad: . I am sorry but she is just manipulating you and all of her family. When you tell her no, and she gets upset, say that you are upset that she spent £600 on a hand bag rather than paying of her elderly grandparents. I would be livid I really would
chev

shelovestobuystuff

Definately NO,NO,NO!!!:eek:
Tell her to take the bag back to the shop,I assume it was bought on a credit card too:rolleyes: .
She needs a proper kick up the backside.
The family do need to get together and all agree to say no too.You are all just enabling her bad behaviour.

cupid_s

NekoZombie wrote: »

Now that is a great idea - not sure she'd agree though!:rolleyes:

She can't be that bothered about actually paying her rent then! And therefore you shouldn't keep bailing her out. She will (hopefully) learn one day.

NekoZombie

fermi wrote: »

I won't shoot you down, as only you know the full situation (both practically and emotionally). I wouldn't really advocate withholding help at any specific stage, but I think that you need to set a point in your own mind that you will not go beyond, and stick to it. That may be now, or in little while. The clear thing is that this situation/behaviour can't continue much longer.

Yes, I think a very good strategy would be to set a point where I will help her no further.

I've tried to talk to her about her finances before - but she tends to lie about the situation and hide the truth. My gran suggested (like a few others on here) that I ask her to get some professional advice to help her cope with her money, but I think you can take a horse to water, you cannot force it to drink. The only way she'll learn if there is no more help - I must say when money problems were really bad for me, it never crossed my mind to phone her up and ask for a loan. :rolleyes: