Young people who live with you part of the time and their keep

Jet

We live 2 miles away from mum and her bus fare from work is the same cost to ours as to mums. We do any driving she needs at weekends, so no cost there to her, although we are nearer to her friends here anyway so it's actually less expensive to stay with us as she gets a bus from mums house to see them.

When she was around 15, her mum stopped buying her clothes and we provided them all for her and she's got used to taking them back and forth and this has continued with her now she has started to buy her own clothes and possessions.

When_the_going_gets_tough

I think that unless poverty is the issue the only charge should be the extra cost - ie food and a bit of electrcity. heating , council tax, TV , etc don't cost more because an extra person is in the house.

purpleshoes_2

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

I think that unless poverty is the issue the only charge should be the extra cost - ie food and a bit of electrcity. heating , council tax, TV , etc don't cost more because an extra person is in the house.

It depends on how much someone is using. I think it would be fair to ask the girl to make a contribution for food and pay a token amount in rent, but you might have a situation where someone who isnt paying rent uses more fuel, or eats more food and the older sister is the one who ends up paying part of their share.

Im quite sure these situations can be difficult as they come with a lot of emotion attached particularly in times where the other parent maybe hasnt done a lot of supporting.

But as was said before, unless this is a poverty issue, work out a sensible amount that she should pay, to cover her costs and hers only and a token amount in rent. Particularly if shes paying rent twice over.

If thats what you've done, fine and if you are all happy with that, fair enough.

McKneff

When you start working out stuff like this and actually saying one of the children stays with you
6/7ths of the time its all getting to be a bit cold and calculating.

Jet

The 6/7th thing or the 2/3 thing has to be calculated for child maintenance and benefit reasons. We are specifically asked to count the nights.

This is why we are totally aware of how many "overnights" the children are with us and with their Mum.

Jet

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

I think that unless poverty is the issue the only charge should be the extra cost - ie food and a bit of electrcity. heating , council tax, TV , etc don't cost more because an extra person is in the house.

Well you could argue that if one of us moved out, we would need 1 less bedroom and could move to a cheaper house.

I'm not using that argument but I think it could be a valid one.

What we are charging is effectively her food money, we have worded it that it is a "contribution" to our home. I could have worded it that she is covering all her bills and we will buy her food, but I thought it was more helpful to just explain that we would like her to contribute to the household as an adult.

Acc72

A few people have asked, what does your partner think ?

Jet

Acc72 wrote: »

A few people have asked, what does your partner think ?

I have answered this upthread.

He wants to charge his kids keep. He would have done that had he been with their Mum. However, like me, he acknowledges that things are less straightforward in a blended family.

As he says, "nobody gave me a free ride" and he feels he's a better person for it. He says he is proud that he has always supported himself and wants his kids to do so as well.

Neither of us wants to rip off our kids or make a profit from them, we just want to teach them they don't get a free ride, but they do get subsidised a bit because they're family and we love them.

duchy

Jet wrote: »

As he says, "nobody gave me a free ride" and he feels he's a better person for it. He says he is proud that he has always supported himself and wants his kids to do so as well.

Neither of us wants to rip off our kids or make a profit from them, we just want to teach them they don't get a free ride, but they do get subsidised a bit because they're family and we love them.

Wow
There's some really dysfunctional concepts going on here.

Good luck !!

74jax

But surely of course they get subsidised because they are family.

If you see my past posts I am all for getting kids to pay keep. But this just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. And my DD it is part of step families too, so I do understand.