Young people who live with you part of the time and their keep

Marisco

duchy wrote: »

Wow
There's some really dysfunctional concepts going on here.

Good luck !!

Have to agree here, my ex used to say things like that as well!!

74jax wrote: »

But surely of course they get subsidised because they are family.

If you see my past posts I am all for getting kids to pay keep. But this just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. And my DD it is part of step families too, so I do understand.

Nor me, and I think the reason is, is it seems so cold and calculating i.e working out exactly what 1/3rd, 6/7th is etc!!! I'm all for kids "paying their way" when they start work, but in this case (someone living a "bit" here and a "bit" there) I'd be more inclined to say something like "just give me xxx and we'll call it quits" unless I genuinely couldn't afford to do without the money.

Carmina-Piranha_2

A similar thing happened with one of our friends.

The 17 year old in question was paying 'keep' to the mum who she lived with for the majority of the time - so she wasn't getting a 'free ride'. She was learning about paying her own way.

Yes it costs to have an extra teenager (plus best friend, boyfriend, etc.) around, and I don't agree with other posts about the electricity cost being small. But for my friend this 17 year old had left education and got a job, so the friend no longer paid maintenance.

My friend was quids in really, whereas the mum who the child lived with for the majority of the time had lost maintenance, child benefit, tax credits, etc. so it makes sense that the 'keep' paid by the child went to her mum.

If everyone is truly happy with the arrangement then fair enough, but for anyone else who visits this thread wondering about their own situation, I agree with what my friend did.

Personally I charge keep to an extra teenager and he costs me more than I charge. The hike in electricity units used is noticeable.

duchy

That's one of the things that struck me - As she has recently left school and is working the NRP household is benefiting by a decent amount each moth by not needing to pay CSA level child support-so her staying is effectively costing nothing more than say a year ago and in reality less.

I think in those circumstances and assuming the daughter was paying keep elsewhere too I'd just be asking for a contribution rather than set up a speadsheet and look at it as a rental rather than a loved regular visitor.

Of course if the daughter has her father's attitude that "No-one gets anything over on me" she may decide a 2 mile bus ride is economically preferable to paying more rent than she feels is fair and reasonable.
What she agrees to now -may not seem as reasonable to her now she is out in the world and will meet people who will find the "get the calculator out" attitude as weird as some people here do !

How would you feel OP if she decided it wasn't worth staying with you overnight -would it affect the relationships?

Jet

As I said up thread, we are aware of the amount of time they spend with us because of CSA calculations and not least because I needed to be able to write the facts down here rather than vagaries.

We have calculated the "cost" to ensure what we are charging her is half that. There are many people who have suggested charging her for her food, for example but if we do t know what that cost is then we coils have charged her more than she costs.

Like I say, it's not an exact science, and we certainly haven't worked everything out to the penny or even the pound but we are trying to be fair and I appreciate a lot of people will think she really is little more than a "visitor" to us but she really is part of our family. Her full sister chose to live with us 3 years ago, and at 18, she could choose to see less of us, so we can't be complete ogres.

duchy

so why are you treating her like a lodger rather than a family member ?

Are you always so financially focused about those you love ?

Probably the most concerning part of all is this is how oblivious you are to how abnormal your attitude is

Jet

duchy wrote: »

so why are you treating her like a lodger rather than a family member ?

Are you always so financially focused about those you love ?

Probably the most concerning part of all is this is how oblivious you are to how abnormal your attitude is

Well I suppose it depends on how your attitude is towards charging keep to adult children living with you? If you don't believe adult children should contribute towards their living expenses, then you will think we are wrong.

She's most definitely not a lodger. A lodger would be paying £600 approx not £50. 😀

The general consensus on these threads is that charging keep is a good thing for the "kids".

duchy

It isn't the charging .......If you'd actually read my posts you'd know that.....it's the whole weirdness of how you calculate and justify and the obnoxious comment about how she might be trying to get one over on you. Why would she? Why do you think she would? You suggested an amount-she agreed to it. Where does all this mistrust come from ?

Jet

Where did I say I thought she is trying to get one over on me?

silvercar

Jet wrote: »

Where did I say I thought she is trying to get one over on me?

Post 31.white text

...... but I don't think the answer is to allow the "child" to blackmail the parents into free keep.

Carmina-Piranha_2

If the child is paying keep elsewhere, then she is not getting one over on anybody, and is not getting a free ride in life.