Young people who live with you part of the time and their keep

theoretica

Another option, for all your children, is enforced savings - not charging rent or keep if an equivalent sum is saved into a savings account (and not accessed!) for a deposit or equivalent when they move out.

Marshmallow82

Transformers wrote: »

Shouldn't be allowed to keep her room?

For the last few years she's been a victim of circumstances beyond her control ie she's had to live shared across two homes.

Now you want to take her room away as well? Just because she has just turned 18 and has now got a job?

Great start to adult life that is - happy birthday, now give up your room - nice!

But you didn't explain it!

If it's circumstances outside of her control why would you make money out of it

None of this makes any sense

duchy

Most kids when they are eighteen tend to stay less with the NRP and bonds tend to loosen.
Looking back at past posts you live in a tied property and own other property for investment purposes so it is likely whether she pays "rent" or not isn't going to impact the finances too greatly (especially as child support has just stopped). Has she literally just left education and just taken her exams a couple of weeks ago if she has this all seems a bit premature.

Once again what does your partner think (I'm assuming they are the parent?)

Jet

Hi.

I realise I didn't come back to this.

My partner, myself and my step daughter had a chat and we worked out that her "cost" to us is around £100 per month. We have also recently spent 3k on getting her a car, driving lessons etc.

However, we decided to charge her a "contribution" of £50 a month and that she does her own washing and buy her own alcohol.

Everyone seems happy with that it with the full time children, we can now charge them the same pro rata when the time comes.

We considered asking her to buy food but she relies on us for lifts and we would just end up trailing round the shops with her and her work hours aren't regular.

We've allowed her to earn 6k before asking her for a contribution to let things settle and see how things went.

We all feel this fair all round.

Mojisola

Jet wrote: »

Everyone seems happy

We all feel this fair all round.

Thanks for updating - it's nice to know what people eventually do.

The two bits I've quoted are the important things - other families will do things different ways but, as long as the people involved are happy, that's right for them.

TBagpuss

thanks for the update. It is great that you were able to have the discussion with her, and come to an agreement you all feel is fair.

I would imagine that she appreciated that you treated her as an adult, too, and discussed it with her not with her other parent!

Jet

Well I don't think for one minute she WANTS to pay us but she acknowledged she needed to make a contribution.

I think it's irrelevant what our financial situation is or indeed that of the other parent. It's more about teaching responsibility than about money.

I'm glad we can be transparent with all the kids. I didn't want the full time kids to be difficult because they saw their elder sister paying nothing to us.

duchy

My concern would be that if she's paying keep in two places (or just in one) she may ultimately decide it is more MSE to not bother staying at yours.

The fact you actually told her you'd calculated what she "costs" you left me a bit gobsmacked TBH. Are you charging her a Christmas supplement too ?

Acc72

Jet wrote: »

My DP and I have 4 kids between us. Two live full time with us, two live a third of the time with us.

The eldest is 18 and has recently got herself a full time job.

Hi OP, could you please clarify :


- the 2 who live with you full time, are they your children ?
- the 18 year old under discussion, is this your partners child ?
- what is your partners opinion of the situation ?

Jet

It's complicated but we have 4 children between us.

Two live with us a third of the time - my partners children.

One lives with us full time - My child

One lives with us 6/7ths of the time - my partners child.

They are aged 11 - 18. My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years.

My partner, like me, wants to treat the children fairly and teach a basic sense of responsibility without ripping anyone off.

I calculated the "cost" to be able to know for ourselves what her cost was. I have also told the other children what they "cost" too. If I hadn't calculated it, then we might have ended up charging her more than she cost, which I don't think is fair. We have no intention of charging her on a "pay per view" basis, so naturally we won't be charging her for Christmas, Easter or New Years Eve. If things change significantly then we've told her we will re-visit the situation, if she stays out for the odd night now and again, she won't be getting a reduction, it would become far too difficult to manage.

I think this sort of situation regarding "shared" children is going to become more common. Lots of children grow up "sharing" their lives between two homes. Why should that change when they become adults? Many can't afford to leave home until they are much older than 18. If neither parent charges for fear of that adult child not seeing them any more and favouring the other parent, then that is not an ideal situation for the "child" or parents. It would effectively allow an adult child who had separated/divorced parents (and there are a large percentage of children going into adulthood with divorced parents) to blackmail each parent into not charging them for their keep. Not all parents still communicate and it could cause lots of problems but I don't think the answer is to allow the "child" to blackmail the parents into free keep.

I think it's just a case of adapting the rules for a blended family and being open and honest. Both DP and I would charge keep if we were living with our ex's, so why wouldn't we charge now?