Young people who live with you part of the time and their keep

Jet

A slight variation on the paying keep threads that appear on here.

My DP and I have 4 kids between us. Two live full time with us, two live a third of the time with us.

The eldest is 18 and has recently got herself a full time job. She lives with us a third of the time and has her own room and possessions at our house. I have no idea if we should charge her keep? She's not a "visitor" in our home, she "lives with us" when she is here has her boyfriend over a lot of the time too and just generally lives a normal home life with us.

The children who live with us full time are both 16 and I would want them to contribute and pay rent when they start full time jobs. However, I wonder if they will feel put out by contributing to the household if their sister doesn't pay anything? The other child is only aged 11, so this won't affect her for a few years.

I don't want the eldest to feel penalised or "charged" for staying in her second home and I don't want to push her away because of that. If she naturally spends less time at our home because of other commitments, then that's different. However, I also don't want her just feeling that we are the soft option and she can bring all her washing from her other home or just show up and eat the contents of the fridge without having some sort of responsibility towards our home.

I also want the 16 year olds to take responsibility for their home too when they are working full time and I don't want to (can't afford to!) be supporting 4 adults in years to come either.

fishybusiness

The eldest is 18 and has recently got herself a full time job

The start of having grown up responsibilities?

I think she should contribute something to her keep, and I would start with a small contribution, really as a token gesture.

No doubt going out, clothes, learning to drive, and generally enjoying life come high on her agenda and why not, and a little rent your way ought be part of the deal.

I don't want the eldest to feel penalised or "charged" for staying in her second home and I don't want to push her away because of that.

Maybe she will feel it is unfair, look at it another way......if she lived with you full time she wouldn't have a choice. As it is now, she could choose to not stay as often to get out of paying rent. Obviously don't know your family so don't know if it may happen.

How long could that go on for, perhaps forever? Gets in to the territory of letting someone off rent just so you have good relations and you get to see them.

Also gets in to the territory of teenagers....and logic goes out of the window....

Confusedandneedhelp

I think the fact that she works and isnt being subsidised by you fully is payment itself, but what does your other half think, as i presume she isnt biologically your daughter?

pickledonionspaceraider

I think maybe a small amount to pay for her food - as she will be in effect paying for two homes, and who of us can afford to do that? (not me for sure lol )

Mojisola

Jet wrote: »

The eldest is 18 and has recently got herself a full time job. She lives with us a third of the time and has her own room and possessions at our house.

What's going to happen at the other house?

Is she going to be charge keep - reduced because she's away for part of the week?

whitewing

I'd be inclined to leave it for another year or two. I imagine it will resolve itself once she becomes used to the regular income. Not worth making her feel pushed out. Have a chat if it feels that she is taking the proverbial though.

krlyr

How about looking at what's charged for weekday lets in your area? Look at websites like Spareroom.co.uk and then divide it a bit - so a rate for 2 days instead of 5, for example, and then reduced a bit for 'family rates'.

I paid keep when I was at home, and had I been living between two places, I'd see it as fair enough if I had to pay some money - if I didn't like it, I could go elsewhere (and would realise what a fair rate I was paying!)

silvercar

It depends on the reason for living in two places to some extent and whether she is paying in the other place too.

The last thing you want is for her to think you are only tolerating her presence to get rent money.

HappyMJ

Where is she registered for council tax? Electoral roll and all that stuff. Where does her mail go?

I'd be asking for a moderate amount reduced for not being there quite so much. Maybe £20 a week.

theoretica

How about an adult discussion with her which says much what you said here - when her brother/sister get jobs you want them to pay keep and they look to her as an example. She and BF eat about £x of food, use hot water, a month would she see that as fair?

rachiibell

I think you need to have a discussion about it with whoever else she lives with. Agree on an amount together and then you get 1/3 and they get 2/3. That way when the others are old enough to pay rent you can charge them the full amount so they'd all end up paying the same amount of rent in total.