first day secondary not gone well :(

newgirly

Hi, I have twins sons who had spent every year together through primary ( by chance , not request as they are quite independant) so had mutual friends.
When they moved to secondary one twin was with all of "their" friends , one was in another from with not one single person from his old school.

I found they both settled in fine, if anything it caused more problems making a fresh start but still having old friends in the same form, mostly they are all new and in the same boat and its a great opportunity to make new friends. Sometimes it can restrict them having to stick with the old mates a little. Either way I would be reluctant to intervene at this early stage and just see how it goes, it's such a nerve racking time for both of you though , I wish you all the best!

rachiibell

When I went to high school all my friends from my previous school were put in the same form and I was put in another one with two girls who hated me. My parents spoke to the school and they changed me to my friends form there and then. Might be worth going in to speak with them about it.

MoradoJess

Call the school and ask how they split the kids into forms and whether they teach them in forms. Out of interest do you know whether his friends picked the same language as him? The set up in my (admittedly large school) was to split the year in half according to language choice and then within that have forms. The kids within each half were split by ability.

Even if it is possible to change consider leaving him where he is. Kids make so many new friends at secondary school. They're all scared going up and friendships form fast. Most kids have different best friends by the end of the year. I know he's your baby but kids are tougher than they look, when I started there was only one kid from my primary in the same class as me and I managed fine. Plus I was one of the babies of the year too

CH27

My son went into a form with 2 girls from primary.
He made new friends & kept his old circle of friends too as he saw them at break, lunch & some lessons.

xxdeebeexx

It happened to my son, too.

He was in a form with one boy from his school so we arranged to meet during the holidays. They also arranged to meet up and walk into school on the first day of term. This arrangement continued for about 1 term.
The two boys never really 'clicked' but it was worth cultivating the 'friendship' while they found their feet.

My son is an August baby too. He eventually found his best friends in the year below.


It will be fine, I'm sure.


dx

peachyprice

You really need to get over your fixation with your son being the youngest in the year. He may well be at primary school, but there will be many other children with birthdays around the same time as him when he gets to secondary school. It's not something that you should be singling him out for special attention for. It is what it is, you can't change that and you can't baby him because of it.

My daughter was only a few weeks into being 11 when she started secondary school, she was in a class with three children from her primary school, she's not friends with any of them now, she's made her own friends that she likes because of who they are, not just because they happen to have gone to the same primary.

You need to be positive with your son and tell him that it's a good thing to make new friends, friends that he may have far more in common with than the ones he has now. Fighting his battles for him and insisting on getting him moved is not a good start to secondary life where he will be expected to be far more independent and think for himself that he ever was at primary school. Secondary school are just not as interested in parents input the same way they are at primary.

princeofpounds

he is very good at sorting out his own battles in primary so I don't always run to his aid but in this case I think I'm doing good by him. If school think I'm trouble for caring about my son then perhaps he's in the wrong school

I get why you are worried to a certain extent, but you really need to dial it back.

I know very much how this feels, I went to 5 schools, starting afresh every time (except for once).

Kids make new friends all the time. 90% of people are not closest friends with their primary school mates.

The ability to acclimatise to new social groups is a massively important skill in life, and most of the kids there will be in the same boat.

Frankly I think that concentrating on his short-term unhappiness is obscuring the fact that this is most likely to be a good experience for him.

If he is still miserable in a month, then maybe there is something to be addressed.

Oh, I should add that he will pick up your anxiety, so be careful. Many experiences kids learn to be fearful from their parents, rather than it actually being a genuinely fearful situation. See it all the time.

Lily_rose_2

My son is also an August child...so was just 11 when he went to senior school. His best friend moved to Singapore just before they started senior school, and he was in a form with no one he'd been particularly good friends with at junior school. Yes we were worried, but do you know what....he was fine! He made a lot of new friends, and now has a wide circle of friends from all different classes. He has also kept in touch with a friend from primary school who went to a different school altogether!

Your son will be fine.....x

rach_k

I went to secondary with three girls I knew but none were in my form and we were taught in form groups for the whole of the first year (I think it's more common now to group according to ability after the first term now, at least for maths, English and science.

Although I was nervous about starting school, it was actually a positive to be away from my primary school friends. You can still see them at break and lunch time but in class you make more friends - it's not like there's a limit to how many friends you can have and it is good to be 'encouraged' to spread your wings a bit. It's unlikely he'd be sitting next to his friends in lessons anyway - we were usually seated in alphabetical order until the teachers got to know us.

I wouldn't ask the school to move him but I would spend time encouraging him to think of it positively. Perhaps he can talk with his primary school friends beforehand and arrange to meet up at break? Knowing you have a time and place to meet your friends later can help if you're feeling lonely at some point. He will also find lots of other people in the same situation and the teachers will be good at pairing kids up so nobody is left out.

DigForVictory

+1 for talk to school, but have a good summer holiday first.

Your form group is not the only set of faces you see in secondary, and it's absolutely normal to be a bit isolated on day one - that's where you start making more friends!

Of course you worry, but build up his confidence over summer and give him interesting experiences to talk about - crabbing at dawn, shopping in a foreign supermarket, firing a crossbow at a museum as 3 examples - as well as football & the usual small boy preoccupations.

I can't say it'll be fine, but I can say it is likely to be fine especially if he knows you support him.