first day secondary not gone well :(

PlymouthMaid

My eldest went up to secondary with one very good friend and within days they had joined different friendship groups and barely spent any time together again.

tea_lover

Showing him that mum will sort out any 'problems' isn't going to help him in the long run...nor is marking yourself out as a troublesome parent before he's even started.

jay-jay

Thanks for your advice but my son is ten and worried about starting high school and this has knocked his confidence, he is very good at sorting out his own battles in primary so I don't always run to his aid but in this case I think I'm doing good by him. If school think I'm trouble for caring about my son then perhaps he's in the wrong school

purpleshoes_2

jay-jay wrote: »

Thanks for your advice but my son is ten and worried about starting high school and this has knocked his confidence, he is very good at sorting out his own battles in primary so I don't always run to his aid but in this case I think I'm doing good by him. If school think I'm trouble for caring about my son then perhaps he's in the wrong school

I think you are panicking way too soon. High school is always daunting. And you have no guarantee if you got your son moved forms that he would still see a lot of his primary school friends anyway. People make new friends, thats what happens.

It may be different nowadays but when I went to school, I stayed with the people I was in first year with for another year, then chose my options, classes were all mixed up again.

Some of my closest friends were made with people I did activities with after school hours but connected to the school.

If you get him moved and he still isnt happy, what then?

Spendless

Yes, it happened to my son too. The Primary my kids attend/ed was the largest catchment Primary to that school. 7 kids went into son's form 5 girls, 2 boys. The other boy was someone my son had never had anything to do with and lived a distance from us. Son struggled in his first year at Secondary school and things only improved following a meeting my husband had with the school around Easter in yr7, so that was 2 terms to settle in. However I will say son is reserved and doesn't form friendships easily. He is now at the end of yr9 and apart from a brief friendship with another boy who went to a different primary (they drifted apart, rather than fell-out) he still has the same small circle of friends from his Primary years. He has maintained the friendships by catching the bus to and from school with them, seeing them in hols. weekends and after school and meeting up with them for lunch if timetables allow.

My youngest (a girl) is in the same school year as yours. She had an identical mix of 5 girls and 2 boys going into her Secondary school form from her Primary. Considering what had happened to her older brother, I thought she was at an advantage. Not so, she told me on the transition days that the other 4 girls from her school paired up. She's been put into a different sector from her friends and won't come across them in any lessons for at least 2 years. However the next nearest catchment Primary is a lot smaller school and only 2 girls from that school have gone into it, they don't get on and 1 of them befriended my daughter. I do know the child and her mum slightly as we originally attended Health visitors coffee mornings together and then later the same private nursery,but haven't come across them for years due to going to differnt Primary schools. DD came home from her 2nd transition day a lot happier than she had her first that she 'hated' I've since bumped in to new friend and her mum and we've had a suggestion that the girls meet up during the summer hols.

jay-jay

Thanks spend less I'm going to see how he gets on tomorrow and encourage him to get to know his class mates. I do worry to much but as the youngest in the year he found his first couple of years at school hard and I haven't managed to shake that worry off even though he's turning into a lovely hard-working lad.

WestonDave

Whilst I can understand the concerns it may be better to work with the current situation and build the positives from it than try to change it. Presumably during the course of today he will have met not just his new classmates but also his new form teacher, who will be the centre of his welfare for the first year. If he moves classes now to be with more friends, he will be going into a class with a strange teacher - that being the case its trading unknown kids for an unknown teacher. Bear in mind as well that teaching in secondary school is usually far more formal than in primary school so for much of the time he could be sat next to a stuffed toy for all the interaction they will be allowed. To some extent therefore not having his friends with him in class where they can distract each other, but being "fresh" for each other at breaktime may be positive.


I'm not dismissing your concerns and agree that having more friends in class may ease the transmission, but it does have other impacts as well.

emsywoo123

jay-jay wrote: »

Thanks spend less I'm going to see how he gets on tomorrow and encourage him to get to know his class mates. I do worry to much but as the youngest in the year he found his first couple of years at school hard and I haven't managed to shake that worry off even though he's turning into a lovely hard-working lad.

OP, I understand. To a point.

DD is in year 6 too, also a late one (August) so still 10. She is going to a secondary school with no one from her school and wil know no one there.

I know it's tough, but I believe it is SO important to instill confidence. This could be the making of your son. I understand your worries, obviously, but I really think you need to take a step back. Let him walk his path.

Good luck.

sooty&sweep

Hi
It might be worth emailing the school with details of your concern. You can send the email to the school office and ask for it to be forwarded to the relevant person.
That will give school the opportunity to look into the situation properly.
I feel for you because the move up to secondary school is a big step for your son and for you and so its only natural that you want the move to go well and for your son to be happy.
Jen

mogwai

hi - this happened to me when I moved to secondary and wanted to be placed with my best friend. We just went and found our head of year and explained the situation to him, and he moved my friend into my class that day.

Don't know if its that easy to do anymore but worth a try - sorry haven't read any other replies so may be replicating other suggestions