Why do people choose to get married?

itsanne

bossymoo wrote: »

That's not why we got married either. But they sure made things a lot easier when he died, leaving me with two kiddies under the age of 3. Even though we had wills, the government would not have recognised me as his next of kin and I would not be able to get widowed parents allowance from his NI contributions. That money pays for childcare enabling me to hold down the job I've worked so hard at all these years. That marriage certificate made the whole paperwork thing so much easier at such a distressing time.
X

I'm quoting this post to try to ensure as many people as possible notice it because it is so important.

Bangton

duchy wrote: »

To me marriage is making a public declaration that this is the person you have chosen to be your partner til death and I always wonder if couples who choose not to are simply keeping their options open.

I think it's a bit insulting to say I'll be your partner on the mortgage, have kids with you but I don't want to make a legally biding partnership with you . Why wouldn't you?

I wouldn't have had a child without knowing the father already was prepared to commit to our family 100 percent and that included a legal promise to me.

Well this is basically me so I feel obliged to reply.

I met my partner 13 years ago when I was just 18. From that day forward we've loved and trusted each other implicitly. We've had some carp times but heck we've had a relationship I honestly feel proud of. He's my best friend and the only person I can ever see myself been with.

everyday he tells me he loves me and I trust this. I don't believe he wants to be with anyone else either. I also believe I am his best friend (something he has verified).

last year we had a baby son together. An amazing little boy who has brought even more light to our life. We argue like cat and dog sometimes. In fact no one annoys me more than he can!

We aren't married and have no plans to be anytime soon. my honest answer? It really doesn't matter to me. I'm secure/I'm happy. I just don't feel I need to make 'public declarations'. I don't care about being Mrs or calling myself a wife. controversially I'm ok with my son having a different surname to me too. He's still mine! !

I'm not against marriage. If it meant everything to my partner I'd definitely consider it.

TBH I've never dreamed of being married or even really thought about it. It's simply important to me to be happy in life and I am.

plus, when all is said and done, I know my partner could have walked at any point but he didn't... and it's not because of a 'piece of paper'

PlymouthMaid

Bangton above has pretty much summed up my feelings. Marriage just does not feature in my life at all.

dandelionclock30

Apart from people like my parents who stayed together because you just did in those days, I dont know any marriages from people my age 44 that have lasted not a single one. Or partnerships either for that matter.
I think after a couple of years people get bored and look towards getting someone else or seeing someone on the sly.

Buzzybee90

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Apart from people like my parents who stayed together because you just did in those days, I dont know any marriages from people my age 44 that have lasted not a single one. Or partnerships either for that matter.
I think after a couple of years people get bored and look towards getting someone else or seeing someone on the sly.

Really?! Crazy.

catkins

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Apart from people like my parents who stayed together because you just did in those days, I dont know any marriages from people my age 44 that have lasted not a single one. Or partnerships either for that matter.
I think after a couple of years people get bored and look towards getting someone else or seeing someone on the sly.

I find this post quite sad. As I said in a previous post, my parents have been happily married for over 60 years, me and OH have been happily married for over 34 years, my siblings both happily married for over 30 years, cousins married over 20 years, quite a lot of friends happily married for between 20 years and 40 years.


Me and OH are certainly not bored with each other and both believe infidelity is totally wrong always

jaylee3

catkins wrote: »

I find this post quite sad. As I said in a previous post, my parents have been happily married for over 60 years, me and OH have been happily married for over 34 years, my siblings both happily married for over 30 years, cousins married over 20 years, quite a lot of friends happily married for between 20 years and 40 years.


Me and OH are certainly not bored with each other and both believe infidelity is totally wrong always

Same. I have been married 15 years, and my 3 best friends all 15-25 years, and all but one of my 5 cousins are happily married: (All first marriages. The one cousin is divorced) My parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents; all marriages of 40 years plus.

Of course I do know some couples whose marriage did not work out too. But I know plenty who have lasted. I find it very sad how people seem to revile and besmirch marriage so much, like it's laughable and stupid, and 'outdated.'

It's funny too, how people who despise and revile marriage so much, seem to almost always know only people who have split up, and whose marriage has been a disaster.

I think the fact that someone is asking 'why do people get married?' in the negative fashion it was asked is incredibly sad. Don't get married by all means, but don't attack people who do.

jaylee3

Bangton wrote: »

Well this is basically me so I feel obliged to reply.

I met my partner 13 years ago when I was just 18. From that day forward we've loved and trusted each other implicitly. We've had some carp times but heck we've had a relationship I honestly feel proud of. He's my best friend and the only person I can ever see myself been with.

everyday he tells me he loves me and I trust this. I don't believe he wants to be with anyone else either. I also believe I am his best friend (something he has verified).

last year we had a baby son together. An amazing little boy who has brought even more light to our life. We argue like cat and dog sometimes. In fact no one annoys me more than he can!

We aren't married and have no plans to be anytime soon. my honest answer? It really doesn't matter to me. I'm secure/I'm happy. I just don't feel I need to make 'public declarations'. I don't care about being Mrs or calling myself a wife. controversially I'm ok with my son having a different surname to me too. He's still mine! !

I'm not against marriage. If it meant everything to my partner I'd definitely consider it.

TBH I've never dreamed of being married or even really thought about it. It's simply important to me to be happy in life and I am.

plus, when all is said and done, I know my partner could have walked at any point but he didn't... and it's not because of a 'piece of paper'

I'm interested to know something. You say your son is yours, but why has your son not got your surname?

jaylee3

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It seems to me that those who are happily unmarried don't feel the need to judge those that are married, but some of those that are married do feel the need to judge those that aren't, even if those that aren't are totally happy and content as they are.

From some of the comments I've read on here, some people appear to think they are superior and that their relationships mean more than the 'great unmarried'.

I just wish that people would respect other people's views, and believe people when they say they are happy without being married.

I would say it is VERY much the other way around. It's some of the 'unmarrieds' that are so bitter and vitriolic towards the 'marrieds.' Nobody who is married thinks that they are 'above' the unmarrieds. That is just insecurity on the part of the unmarrieds.

But yes, a relationship is more valid when a couple is married. Even the law says that. Whether you like it or not: it's a fact.

itsanne

Perhaps it's the unfortunate wording of the original question which has set the tone, but I don't understand why people on both sides appear to be so defensive / judgemental. There are good and bad marriages, just as there are good and bad unmarried relationships.

The only one which really matters to me is my own.