I'm worried about my Mam and Dad

Becles

Amanda65 wrote: »

I'm glad some things are sorted Becles but it still sounds like there's lots more to do. Did you see my post about occupational benevolent funds who might be able to help based on your Dad's and/or Mum's work history?

I've had a quick look but forgot to ask him if he was in a union or not. I'm going to re-read the thread later on this evening and making a "to do" list of things I haven't done yet, so I'll pop that on!

He was a teacher and his career was mainly spent in schools in rough areas, so he's given out plenty to society. I think that's why it feels like such a kick in the teeth that he's not entitled to any help and due to the huge unaffordable carers bill, now he thinks he is actually worse off than someone who never worked at all

anmarj

Get the dwp out for a visit they will do the aa and carers allowance claim, they can also recheck for pension credit, they may be able to advise/ refer to other depts

Amanda65

Becles wrote: »

I've had a quick look but forgot to ask him if he was in a union or not. I'm going to re-read the thread later on this evening and making a "to do" list of things I haven't done yet, so I'll pop that on!

He was a teacher and his career was mainly spent in schools in rough areas, so he's given out plenty to society. I think that's why it feels like such a kick in the teeth that he's not entitled to any help and due to the huge unaffordable carers bill, now he thinks he is actually worse off than someone who never worked at all

Teachers Support Network - helplines with loads of advice and grants if they qualify. Definitely worth contacting and he doesn't have to have been in a union.

http://www.teachersupport.info/

KxMx

Becles wrote: »

I've had a quick look but forgot to ask him if he was in a union or not. I'm going to re-read the thread later on this evening and making a "to do" list of things I haven't done yet, so I'll pop that on!

He was a teacher and his career was mainly spent in schools in rough areas, so he's given out plenty to society. I think that's why it feels like such a kick in the teeth that he's not entitled to any help and due to the huge unaffordable carers bill, now he thinks he is actually worse off than someone who never worked at all

I can well understand your Dad feeling like that, but on the flip side he is fortunate enough to pick and choose his care because he has the funds, even if it is leaving the household budget short.

If this budget was pre illness perhaps they need to look at what is necessary and what can be cut now they have the additional expense, rather than try to carry on as before not taking new circumstances into account.

(my apologies if this has been done already)

Others are left to the mercy of state run services, with little choice, which are woefully over stretched. Adaptions that are needed can take years via social services (I have direct experience of this, you don't know how many times we wished we had the money to get my late Granddad what he needed there and then not 3 years later).

Personally I would rather be calling the shots, even if it meant I was cash poor.

I wish you all the best of luck

Becles

KxMx wrote: »

I can well understand your Dad feeling like that, but on the flip side he is fortunate enough to pick and choose his care because he has the funds, even if it is leaving the household budget short.

But he isn't fortunate enough to pick and choose because he doesn't have the funds.

The hospital recommended 5 care visits per day with 2 carers per visit. My parents cannot afford this, and are now having to cut the visits and my pensioner Mam (who has her own health issues) will have to do more of the caring work.

Then due to the high cost of the carers, they cannot afford to have the major home adaptations done, so he's stuck with sleeping in the sitting room and having bed baths.

If they had no additional pension income, they would be entitled to the 5 carer visits, plus permanent ramps front and back and the garage converted into a bedroom and shower room for free.

Person_one

Age UK may well be able to help with all of this. They're very good at helping people understand and access what they're entitled to. The situation doesn't seem quite right at the moment. Is there other money available that they aren't using? Savings, another property etc?

Have you checked if the care agency is willing to let a single carer use the hoist alone?

thorsoak

Have your parents been assessed for attendance allowance/carers allowances? See https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/what-youll-get

Becles

Person_one wrote: »

Is there other money available that they aren't using? Savings, another property etc?

They've got a couple of thousand "emergency savings" but are spending some on the front door ramp and the rest will be used up to pay for the six weeks of carers that they thought they were getting for free but now have to pay for.

There are no other savings or assets, just whatever equity is in the house they are living in.

Have you checked if the care agency is willing to let a single carer use the hoist alone?

Single carers can't use the hoist alone. However, my Mam is getting assessed tomorrow and as long as she passes, the care agency are happy for her to be the assistant with the hoist when a single carer does the visits.

Dazedandconfused

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

'Dad, if you keep on behaving like this, making mum do everything and not letting her out of the house, rather than letting the carers do the job they are paid to do, you will be in a home because mum won't be able to cope with you for much longer.

Your choice. Accept help, let mum have a break. Or you go into a home.'



Tough. But probably effective.

Do you have anyone close who has had a stroke?

My dad had a stroke last year. Fortunately nothing like as bad as this one. He has some vision loss but it's a brain altering condition. His memory is worse, he gets stressed and worried much more easily about small things and is much more grumpy. I think partially because of the tablets he is now on. He's had heart scans, ECGs etc and everything looks ok so provided he takes his medication hopefully he will now be ok.



The OPs dad has had an awful life changing time what with the heart issues and the stroke. I would sit with him and your mum and explain very gently that no one wants to move him and that you want to continue to nurse him at home but in order to do that he has to appreciate that your mum can't do everything that surely he doesn't want to make her ill too, and so he needs to accept that he needs some outside help and therefore let the carers help him. It must be hugely embarrassing for him to have to ask for outside help for things like toileting needs and he's got to come to terms with that. Also he must be very scared about the future. It doesn't help to have !!!!!! carers. There are good ones out there though,

Mojisola

Becles wrote: »

There are no other savings or assets, just whatever equity is in the house they are living in.

The value of the house isn't taken into account for the financial assessment. It will be their weekly income that has put them over the limits.

Your father should have a SS to assess his situation at home and keep a check on their situation. Your mother should have a assessment as a carer. That should include an emergency arrangement in case she is suddenly taken ill and can't cope.

Your father should be getting high rate AA. Your mother may not be entitled to CA because of their income but it's still worth checking.