I'm worried about my Mam and Dad

CH27

Would selling their house & moving in an adapted sheltered accommodation property be an option?

ognum

Becles wrote: »

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I'll see if I can have a word with him during her next shopping trip but he stills thinks of me as a little girl so I don't know if he'll take much notice! Will follow up the other suggestions of external people for help and see what we can get from them.

Day clubs sound great but at the minute we can't get him out of the house, as the house isn't adapted for wheelchairs. He has a temporary wheelchair that doesn't have the right support so we have to wedge him in it with pillows, and they don't have ramps to get him outside so it's too dangerous to bump him down the steps. They're not entitled to any help with funding for house adaptations due to the occupational pension so they're trying to work out how to pay for ramps to be put in.

(as a seperate rant, if he'd not worked or not had a pension, the man who came out was willing to put ramps in front and back and convert the garage into a downstairs bedroom with wet room for him. But because he worked and scrimped to put a little bit aside, they're not entitled to any help at whatsoever and don't have the savings or enough income to get a loan to fund adaptations :mad:)

Mam is nervous of leaving the carers alone as sometimes they send people who don't know what they're doing. At the weekend she'd left the room and came back to find they had him in the hoist alongside the bed and one was going to push and swing him over the bed while the other one dropped him down quick :eek: They'd never been shown that the hoist frame gets pushed under the bed, so he's in the sling directly above the bed, then you can lower him gently into bed. Several times she's had to adjust him after they've gone as they've just chucked him into the chair and not made sure his hips and bottom are in the correct position which makes him slowly fall over as he struggl to correct his posture if he's not sitting right, so now she watch and joins in if they're doing it wrong.

If the agency are sending carers that are inadequate or do not have enough training to manage his needs then your mother should be documenting and reporting this. She should not be stepping in to fill the gap.

I do know how difficult all this is but it does have to be done, there is no point in complaining about shortcomings and doing nothing.

I agree that a change of housing may be the way forward.

Lozzy88

I am so sorry for what your family is going through right now.

Becles wrote: »

Mam is nervous of leaving the carers alone as sometimes they send people who don't know what they're doing..... :eek: They'd never been shown that the hoist frame gets pushed under the bed, so he's in the sling directly above the bed, then you can lower him gently into bed. Several times she's had to adjust him after they've gone as they've just chucked him into the chair

As soon as that happened your mam should of rang and complained, the company that is providing the care will know his care requirements and should only be sending in the care givers with suitable training.

I hope things improve very soon for you all x

Primrose

This has been an awful time for you all but your mum must stand firm and. try not to do everything thing herself whatever your dad wants otherwise she will collapse through exhaustion. Point out to your dad that the only other alternative would be a care home so he will have to be acceptingky realistic. Is their GP totally on board in terms of getting them an introduction all the care services available?

dandelionclock30

Its not right that you cant get him in and out of the house, what if there was an emergency like a fire or a gas leak or something of that nature?
You need a ramp of some desciption for his own saftey. I would be exploring it further with a social worker to see if theres any access to funds etc. There are discretionary funds available that you can make enquiries about as well that are not widely known about.
Also like the other person said if the carers are not caring to an acceptable standard then your Mum needs to complain straight away. these care companies should be providing the correct training and support for people. However what tends to happen is that there is a very high turnover as the pay and conditions often are very poor.
There will be other care providers in your area you can find out about.

nearlyrich

Becles really sorry to hear this it is dreadful when your independent parent becomes ill and difficult, I bet much of it is down to frustration. Do you have something like St Vincents housing charity in your area? They make adjustments to houses to make it easier for elderly and disabled people to get in and out and around their homes they don't charge the earth.


You have to make your Mum see sense about letting the carers do the caring she probably feels guilty leaving him but having both of them ill won't do either any good..

Madmel

Does the organisation or trade your Dad worked in have any sort of association for former workers or pensioners? You may be able to access some funding which would help with the access problems. You could possibly contact his former employers to see if they have such a scheme or would be willing to donate something (he will probably hate this, but needs must!)

A friend of mine from Uni has ended up in a wheelchair after a nightmare virus and long stay in hospital. After over a year of letter-writing, emails, pestering her MP etc etc she now has a ramp so has some independence. She is a professional in her 40s, so younger than your dad and had to really fight to get it sorted. But she is now able to work and her mental health has improved immeasurably since the work was started.

growler834

I'm sorry that you all find yourself in this situation. We had some of this to contend with when mum was recently sent home from hospital after her cancer caused spinal cord compression & she was suddenly left paralysed from the waist down & doubly incontinent. She too had all the carers & district nurse visits & I know how hard it was for my dad, even with the visits & the help from me & my brother. Their situation only lasted 10 days as mum ended up back in hospital but 10 days was hard enough.
What is your dad's prognosis? Do they think he will be bed/chair/wheelchair bound now or are they hoping physio will give him back some mobility? If he gains back some mobility his confidence may grow again & he won't feel so dependant on your mum. You can use the arguement that, if he won't let the carers help him he won't get benefit from any physio & get some mobility back. If, however, his situation isn't going to change, I urgently advise you to get your mum to ask their GP to come & talk to your dad & lay it on the line that your mum needs the help or she will get ill or have an accident - their GP has to look after both your parent's health & your dad may take notice of him. My dad did too much & ended up in hospital overnight - it wasn't until the doctor told him to let others take the strain that he listened - advice coming from someone in "authority" often helps.
As for the care & equipment your dad is getting - was this all arranged by the hospital social worker for when your dad was discharged? If so, and they have put the care in the hands of the agency, you should contact the social worker to complain about those carers that are not trained to use the hoist. The SW needs to address problems that may impact on a patient as it may cause the patient to be admitted into hospital again & they will want to avoid that. Also, if your parents only have their state pension & a small occupational pension they shouldn't have to pay too much towards dad's care. My MIL had good pensions & only paid a small weekly amount towards her care.
As for ramps - Adult Services don't like providing temporary ramps - they prefer permanent ones but they take 6 months to build & fit which is not good for your parents (and they are expensive). The community social worker that came to see my mum didn't want to arrange a temporary ramp as they are 'too heavy' in her words but a permanent one wasn't an option for mum as she had been given only 'months' to live. We persisted in asking for a temporary ramp & in the end they delivered a temp one (two heavy pieces of steel). No financial assessment was done for this so I suggest you stand firm & insist that your dad gets a temp ramp - get the GP to back you (we had the Community Hospice nurse on our side & it worked).

Unfortunately no one tells you the way to deal with these situations - you find out the hard way when in the middle of them. Stand firm with Adult Services, the Hospital SW & your dad so that your mum & dad get all the help they are entitled to.

My best wishes to you all at this difficult time.

theoretica

What an awful situation! I think your mum needs to complain to the care organisation to ensure the people who come have had the needed training and are drawn from a fairly small bunch of people - not a different carer every single time. She then needs to conspire with the carers so they don't take 'I don't need anything' for an answer and they keep telling him he is too heavy for his wife and let her have a rest.

On a technological point, might they both feel happier with cctv between livingroom and the kitchen so he can watch her make the sandwiches?

pawsies

Mum goes out for 2 hours whilst the carers are there so he has to use them?