I'm worried about my Mam and Dad

Morglin

Try these guys:

http://www.carerssupport.org.uk/

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice

Lin

Sezzagirl

You've had some fabulous advice here so I won't go over things that have already been said

What I will say is remember that your father and mother are EMPLOYING the carers and if they are not happy with the service, they can change to another company.

If Social Services arranged the initial contract, it may be that there are companies around who would suit your family better. If you have time to do a little bit of research, you should be able to find other local providers and can choose and interview and make your own arrangements. You can also find some reviews and reputation on line!

As your Dad is paying for this service, you can change it to something that suits you - it's your family's choice

Recently, a resident of the sheltered housing I manage needed a carer. The first company arranged for her were awful, never the same person, flying visits and never turning up at the same time. She changed the provider - she was paying so it was her choice - and was more than happy. The new carer always came at the same time, was pleasant,efficient and helpful

Good luck

growler834

whodathunkit wrote: »

The appropriate benefit for someone over retirement age is Attendance Allowance and, unfortunately, pensioners are ineligible for Carers Allowance.

Not always the case - depends if the state pension is under £102. If not eligible for Carers Allowance they may become eligible for Pension Credit or Housing Benefit so it's worth looking at. - all details can be found at the Carers UK website already mentioned by Morglin.

duchy

I did a bit of temping for the local council and one of the jobs was in Social Services for the elderly.

One thing that became very clear early on was that families who wanted to do everything were set adrift to get on with things - whereas those who said "No- We can't do this" got help. It stood me in good stead when my Mum was in hospital and they offered her rehab and then withdrew it as "she didn't need it" . I felt she did so told them I wouldn't have her home as I couldn't cope- She got her rehab and came home far more confident and able to do small things for herself instead of nothing and that confidence helped her recover (as much as she ever was going it) and be able to do a little more.

Your Mum is of a generation who doesn't say no to doctors or authority and SS play on the fact that because we love our families we will go over and above what is reasonable to keep them at home and tolerate not getting proper support. You need to become your Mum and Dad's voice and stand up for them. Find out what sort of support is relevant - and ask for it- and keep asking. If carers aren't properly trained then report it. The social worker your Dad had would be a hospital social worker- he should have a new one allocated now he's home. Call SS and ask who it is and arrange an appointment to voice your concerns about BOTH your parent's welfare to this social worker.

Elsewhere

We had a heck of a time with my father-in-law; he got dementia in his late 80s and was very stubborn about having carers attend to personal needs. My MIL couldn't cope though she did her best - she's tiny and frail and was even older than him!

Carers can't force people to accept help - if they refuse they must respect the client's wishes. Consequently he got smellier and smellier and MIL was at her wits end with soiled bed clothes etc. They only thing that worked in the end were two factors.

Drumming into him that the strain was making MIL too ill to cope- so he'd end up in a home unless he accepted the carers

AND

getting male carers in to attend to his washing and toileting. He'd accept help from them but didn't want the female carers to deal with him. I found this very odd since he never made a fuss in hospital with the mainly female staff. Anyway, he cooperated without complaint with the male carers at home.

Becles

Mojisola wrote: »

Rather than drop the 7am call, why not make for later in the morning - say 9am and then push the 11.30 call back a bit?

Mam asked for that but the carer agency said no because it messes their rotas up, so she just cancelled it.

I've no idea why the hospital arranged it for 7am as before his problems started, they didn't get up until after 8am.

I didn't realise that there were different carer agencies as I've never been through anything like this before. I look into other options. The ones who were not trained properly was a new starter who was "learning on the job" and a lady who'd just come back from maternity leave but before that she was working in a bedridden lady's home, so she'd never used a hoist before either.

thorsoak

Becles wrote: »

Mam asked for that but the carer agency said no because it messes their rotas up, so she just cancelled it.

I've no idea why the hospital arranged it for 7am as before his problems started, they didn't get up until after 8am.

I didn't realise that there were different carer agencies as I've never been through anything like this before. I look into other options. The ones who were not trained properly was a new starter who was "learning on the job" and a lady who'd just come back from maternity leave but before that she was working in a bedridden lady's home, so she'd never used a hoist before either.

That is horrendous! The Agency should be providing a care service - complain to them - and tell them that you will be contacting the Care Quality Commission -see http://www.cqc.org.uk/contact-us

Your mother and father have both been put at risk by the inability of the agency to provide trained carers and it just is not good enough. Complain - don't worry about getting people "into trouble" - it's your parents that are being let down.

Mojisola

Becles wrote: »

Mam asked for that but the carer agency said no because it messes their rotas up, so she just cancelled it.

I've no idea why the hospital arranged it for 7am as before his problems started, they didn't get up until after 8am.

I didn't realise that there were different carer agencies as I've never been through anything like this before. I look into other options. The ones who were not trained properly was a new starter who was "learning on the job" and a lady who'd just come back from maternity leave but before that she was working in a bedridden lady's home, so she'd never used a hoist before either.

What a horrendous attitude! They are providing a service - it needs to be given when the user needs it.

When I needed to bring in paid carers to help with Mum and Dad, I researched the local agencies and went for one of the smaller ones who seemed more focused on the client's needs. They provided a small team so we soon got to know all the carers and they knew how Mum and Dad liked things done and what was needed. On the occasions when someone new had to attend, they contacted me in advance so I had the option of being there and meeting her.

Sezzagirl

Becles wrote: »

I didn't realise that there were different carer agencies as I've never been through anything like this before. I look into other options. The ones who were not trained properly was a new starter who was "learning on the job" and a lady who'd just come back from maternity leave but before that she was working in a bedridden lady's home, so she'd never used a hoist before either.

You've been thrown right into a brand new country with no map to show you the way!!


Care "agencies" are just companies/businesses where the service they supply is "care" just like different cleaning companies or gardeners!


It's never made clear - especially the media always refer to "carers" as if they are just one huge group.


Good luck with finding the most suitable service for your family

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

'Dad, if you keep on behaving like this, making mum do everything and not letting her out of the house, rather than letting the carers do the job they are paid to do, you will be in a home because mum won't be able to cope with you for much longer.

Your choice. Accept help, let mum have a break. Or you go into a home.'



Tough. But probably effective.