Getting married, joint finances who pays for childcare?

quidsy

When I say that I mean I don't want him having "only" £200 of the money he's earned for instance when he's used to the full £1200 if you see what I mean?

Then let him stay at his dads & you continue as you are. If he wants to live like a grown up man & marry a women with a child then he needs to pull up his big boy socks & deal with the financial implications that comes with. By tiptoeing & buffering this reality, you will be making a rod for your own back & you will ultimately be the one who loses out.

purpleshoes_2

krustylouise wrote: »

Currently I receive working tax credits to help with DD's childcare but when OH moves in I won't be entitled to that any longer and so will be paying the full childcare amount. When OH moves in I will "lose" £624 a month. Obviously this isn't important to me and I place OH living with us much more of a priority and am happy to pay the childcare, I just wondered how others, in the same circumstances, have dealt with this.

I currently have a little spare money that I save for birthdays/christmas etc, it all goes into bills, food, childcare, uniforms etc. But I find it unfair that he will have £500 per month to spend on himself and I have nothing! How will I save for holidays together, presents for christmas'/birthdays etc?

The problem is, the system is currently so that single parents can often find themselves better off if they dont live with a partner and obviously your benefits will reduce when your husband to be moves in, Im not assuming you don't work, Im sure you have said you do, but clearly your working tax credits are going to fall when he moves in.

You have a few issues to think of. Its not your new husbands fault that you are going to be worse off when he moves in, your loss of benefits is the way it is. Its not his fault that your ex doesnt pay you enough maintenance either.

But as other people have suggested, now is the time to sort out once and for all your ex and what he pays, if its not enough it needs to be increased, CSA if necessary.

Then you are in a better position to sit down and work out the split with your new husband, who pays what percentage wise or whether you just split everything down the middle.

But it clearly does need sorted as you dont want to be starting married life upset that your husband has more money at the end of the month while you feel you are struggling.

Homeownertobe

If he's paying 50% of the bills, then he's already paying a share for your daughter.

Generally I think if you're married then you should do everything fairly so you're both on an equal footing but in cases like this your daughter's father has a responsibility to pay. Your OH is an adult - he's not being forced to marry you so I'm sure he understands that it means he won't have several hundred pounds a month spare.

How much CM is your ex currently paying you? Is it 15% of his income? If not - go to the CSA and get that.

purpleshoes_2

krustylouise wrote: »

Thanks Duchy, the thought had crossed my mind, however I don't want to feel as though I'm restricting his finances as currently OH lives at his Dad's so his money is his own. When I say that I mean I don't want him having "only" £200 of the money he's earned for instance when he's used to the full £1200 if you see what I mean?

But thats what most adults experience when they move out of their homes and into their own place. I assume him living at his dads is a temporary arrangement and hes lived on his own before, so he'll be aware that with living on your own or in a couple, comes responsibilities.

He asked you to marry him knowing youd be setting up home together, he knew hed need to be paying bills when the time came.

duchy

krustylouise wrote: »

Thanks Duchy, the thought had crossed my mind, however I don't want to feel as though I'm restricting his finances as currently OH lives at his Dad's so his money is his own. When I say that I mean I don't want him having "only" £200 of the money he's earned for instance when he's used to the full £1200 if you see what I mean?

Ermm.....

He's marrying you - he's not a child.
Marriage is a partnership.
If he's not ready to pull his weight-is he really ready for marriage ?

You aren't restricting anyone's finances you are allocating them fairly. (Not sure how he'd end up with paying £1000 a month on your figures though.)
If he lives at home he may not realize just how much living costs- so maybe print out an SOA form and put everything down but really with both of you earning plus child support you should be fine.

The part you are missing is that for him to move in is actually costing you several hundred pounds a month in tax credits and other benefits and you also may not be getting the full amount of child support you are legally entitled to.

krustylouise

duchy wrote: »

And ?

Surely paying a fee and getting the right amount of child support without him not paying when he feels like it or refusing to pay after the wedding far outweighs any fee. Of course once he realizes there is a fee he might stop playing games with the legally owing support.
I suggest you go onto the calculator and work out how much the CSA say he *should* be paying-you may very well find that fee pays for itself.

He is aware of the fee as I text him straight after {I prefer to text so I have a record of correspondence} and he reinstated the payments and *touch wood* hasn't stopped it yet. He is paying what is determined from his wages {however I am having to trust him on his income amounts} however the payments don't pay for the childcare. In the holidays our childcare is £100 per week!

LandyAndy

krustylouise wrote: »

In October OH and I are getting married and he will be moving in with DD and I. Obviously then finances will be split with bills, food etc. We have agreed to pay half the bills and food. We will be paying our own petrol, insurance, mobiles etc.

My question is this, should childcare and DD's school dinners be my sole financial responsibility {as I will receive child tax credits not working tax, I will receive child benefit for DD and also maintenance from her Dad} or should this be like another bill and split half and half as we are a family now, even though OH isn't DD's dad?

Thanks for all replies, please be nice as I am not looking for criticism just opinions on how the childcare should be paid.

!

As you are going to be a married couple why don't you put everything, including the maintenance in one pot and pay for everything from that pot?

Old fashioned, I know, but it is how I view joint financial responsibility. I don't really understand this picking over every last cost to try and 'share' them out.

System

krustylouise wrote: »

In October OH and I are getting married and he will be moving in with DD and I. Obviously then finances will be split with bills, food etc. We have agreed to pay half the bills and food. We will be paying our own petrol, insurance, mobiles etc.

My question is this, should childcare and DD's school dinners be my sole financial responsibility {as I will receive child tax credits not working tax, I will receive child benefit for DD and also maintenance from her Dad} or should this be like another bill and split half and half as we are a family now, even though OH isn't DD's dad?

This sounds more like finalising the finances of a business deal rather than a sharing marriage.

quidsy

The part you are missing is that for him to move in is actually costing you several hundred pounds a month in tax credits and other benefits .

^^Exactly he is getting a ready made home & family & still has several hundred a month spending but you are actually going to be left with nothing at the end of the month after paying HH & child costs.

He's the one getting the better deal. After all, he isn't having to furnish a house, pay any finder or registeration fees, pay moving in costs etc. It's all there waiting at a bargain price.

An SoA would be really helpful.

Homeownertobe

krustylouise wrote: »

He is aware of the fee as I text him straight after {I prefer to text so I have a record of correspondence} and he reinstated the payments and *touch wood* hasn't stopped it yet. He is paying what is determined from his wages {however I am having to trust him on his income amounts} however the payments don't pay for the childcare. In the holidays our childcare is £100 per week!

I'm confused - if holiday childcare is £100 per week (and presumably her dad will have her for half of those so that will be his responsibility) why is your childcare over £600 per month?