Getting married, joint finances who pays for childcare?

krustylouise

quidsy wrote: »

No because presumably you have been managing without new husbands money anyway?




How is marraige & cohabitation going to leave you worse off Do you live apart at the moment? If yes presumably split of bills/HH costs will be beneficial to you both? & if not, how much spare cash do you have now unmarried & living alone with child?

Currently I receive working tax credits to help with DD's childcare but when OH moves in I won't be entitled to that any longer and so will be paying the full childcare amount. When OH moves in I will "lose" £624 a month. Obviously this isn't important to me and I place OH living with us much more of a priority and am happy to pay the childcare, I just wondered how others, in the same circumstances, have dealt with this.

I currently have a little spare money that I save for birthdays/christmas etc, it all goes into bills, food, childcare, uniforms etc. But I find it unfair that he will have £500 per month to spend on himself and I have nothing! How will I save for holidays together, presents for christmas'/birthdays etc?

19lottie82

Your Ex will still have to pay maintenance for your DD when you get married.

Are you going through the CSA at the moment? Might be worth considering if he is dragging his heels.

duchy

krustylouise wrote: »

Oh believe me I have had this conversation with him regarding maintenance over and over and over again. However I believe {please forgive me if I'm wrong} non residential fathers can stop paying maintenance when the mother gets married?! The maintenance he pays me isn't enough now, it has been the cause of many an argument and never gets resolved as he insists it is enough going off his wages.

I'm not sure if HE is your ex or your new partner but where on earth did you get the idea that child support stops when you remarry ?

If you feel he's not paying enough and he thinks it is too much -put in a CSA claim and let them sort it. Sounds like you may have to get CSA involved anyway if Dad thinks he shouldn't be paying for HIS child after you remarry. Legally he does !

As for the original question. Why not just pool all income (including child support) if you are becoming a family ? All regular expenses come out of one pot - and anything over is divied up to spend or save between you. If you are getting married - surely it's about becoming a joint effort rather than two halves.

krustylouise

peachyprice wrote: »

How can that be? You'll only be paying half the bills you're paying now, you should be better off. Yes, you'll be spending more on food, but utilities will be more or less the same for 2 working adults as 1, you have your car to pay for now, so that's no different.

Are you moving to a much bigger house that will be costing twice as much rent/mortgage than you pay now?

Are you in a deficit at the end of every month now?

As mentioned in my previous post I will lose any working tax credit I currently receive, which works out at just over £620pm. So yes it will definitely affect my "income".

My income per month including wages {approximate tax credits child benefit and maintenance} is £1100.
My partners is approximately £1200.

My outgoings {purely half the bills, food etc petrol insurance and childcare} is £1080.
My partners outgoings are £830. {so £500 spare was wrong}

krustylouise

19lottie82 wrote: »

Your Ex will still have to pay maintenance for your DD when you get married.

Are you going through the CSA at the moment? Might be worth considering if he is dragging his heels.

I did actually contact CSA when he was getting difficult {and when I say difficult I mean not paying at all!}

They gave me the option of arranging with him to pay me {which was pointless as I've done this numerous occasions} or they would collect and send however there would be a fee to him and I.

quidsy

Maybe you need to do a SoA for right now & another one including both joint income & expenses.

Have you discussed all the financials with him? Maybe he doesn't understand what you are losing in state benefits by him moving in?

Does he currently live alone too? Paying all his own bills by himself?

Moving in with you will halve his costs yet increase yours so it is an important conversation to have before even considering moving him in.

An SoA for both of you individually right now living seperately & another one for when you move in will give you both a very clear idea of what is being lost & who is gaining what financially.

You used only childcare in your op but this is ALOT more than just childcare, his moving in has a severe detrimental effect on your finances so you need to both look at the bigger picture imo.

krustylouise

duchy wrote: »

As for the original question. Why not just pool all income (including child support) if you are becoming a family ? All regular expenses come out of one pot - and anything over is divied up to spend or save between you. If you are getting married - surely it's about becoming a joint effort rather than two halves.

Thanks Duchy, the thought had crossed my mind, however I don't want to feel as though I'm restricting his finances as currently OH lives at his Dad's so his money is his own. When I say that I mean I don't want him having "only" £200 of the money he's earned for instance when he's used to the full £1200 if you see what I mean?

jaylee3

Yes Krustylouise, I think when a single mother gets married, it does absolve a lot of financial responsibility from the childrens father.

There is always a lot of debate about who pays for what and is it fair to go 50-50 on stuff on here, and I always say the same thing that I am going to say now.

Why can't you have ONE joint account that all the income goes into for both of you: your wages, his wages, tax credits, child benefit, and anything else. Then all the food shopping comes out of it, all bills come out of it, including both mobile phones, all petrol, all goodies and sundries, all childcare funds, and clothes and luxuries for both of you, AND your daughter. You both have a debit card and get what you want, when you want, (within reason of course: nothing major without consulting the other.)

I have never 'got' this 'my money, your money' scenario. If you're a couple - married or not - then everything should be shared. It doesn't bode well IMO if the higher earner (usually the man,) insists on you both paying half, because ultimately, (as in many cases,) he will end up with a decent amount of disposable income, while you will end up with hardly any money, and doing most of the domestic tasks and child rearing, while he squanders on crap and indulges in expensive hobbies.

Hope you can work this out and I am sorry if I said anything to offend you or if I said anything that doesn't apply to you. It's just my two cents worth.

duchy

krustylouise wrote: »

I did actually contact CSA when he was getting difficult {and when I say difficult I mean not paying at all!}

They gave me the option of arranging with him to pay me {which was pointless as I've done this numerous occasions} or they would collect and send however there would be a fee to him and I.

And ?

Surely paying a fee and getting the right amount of child support without him not paying when he feels like it or refusing to pay after the wedding far outweighs any fee. Of course once he realizes there is a fee he might stop playing games with the legally owing support.
I suggest you go onto the calculator and work out how much the CSA say he *should* be paying-you may very well find that fee pays for itself.

krustylouise

jaylee3 wrote: »

Yes Krustylouise, I think when a single mother gets married, it does absolve a lot of financial responsibility from the childrens father.

There is always a lot of debate about who pays for what and is it fair to go 50-50 on stuff on here, and I always say the same thing that I am going to say now.

Why can't you have ONE joint account that all the income goes into for both of you: your wages, his wages, tax credits, child benefit, and anything else. Then all the food shopping comes out of it, all bills come out of it, including both mobile phones, all petrol, all goodies and sundries, all childcare funds, clothes and luxuries for you both AND your daughter. You both have a debit card and get what you want, when you want, (within reason of course: nothing major without consulting the other.)

I have never 'got' this 'my money, your money' scenario. If you're a couple - married or not - then everything should be shared. It doesn't bode well IMO if the higher earner (usually the man,) insists on you both paying half, because ultimately, (as in many cases,) he will end up with a decent amount of disposable income, while you will end up with hardly any money, and doing most of the domestic tasks and child rearing, while he squanders on crap and indulges in expensive hobbies.

Hope you can work this out and I am sorry if I said anything to offend you or if I said anything that doesn't apply to you. It's just my two cents worth.

Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply, none of it offended me at all. OH did say he feels guilty because he earns more, however the incomes aren't too different {approximately £100}.

We both don't have terribly good credit scores and I doubt very much that we'll be able to get a joint account. I do have a "bills" account already that my wages go into, but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him to put all his money into that as it's in my name. Plus there's only 1 card.

Thanks again for your reply - I appreciate it