I've got myself in a right state to the point I can't reason with myself - help!

Person_one

aileth wrote: »

Of course, but the only reason it came up for me as because I had to cancel a date to go to the Doctors, he got worried as he figured it must be important for me to have to cancel for it, and I just told him I need a pill top-up.

Our first time was four months into dating though.

You still should have used condoms, however long you'd been dating! The fact you were on the pill is not a reason to 'not be worried' that you got carried away and didn't!

aileth

Person_one wrote: »

You still should have used condoms, however long you'd been dating! The fact you were on the pill is not a reason to 'not be worried' that you got carried away and didn't!

Of course we should have used condoms.

I wasn't worried at the time because we'd been together for a good time, I trusted him, and I knew he hadn't been with a woman for two years before we started dating as he (and eventually we) house-shared with friends of his, and the moment I stepped in the door they joked that he'd finally got a woman after the only other woman he had been with, his wife, had left him for not being supportive enough.

That is why I was not worried.

Person_one

aileth wrote: »

Of course we should have used condoms.

I wasn't worried at the time because we'd been together for a good time, I trusted him, and I knew he hadn't been with a woman for two years before we started dating as he (and eventually we) house-shared with friends of his, and the moment I stepped in the door they joked that he'd finally got a woman after the only other woman he had been with, his wife, had left him for not being supportive enough.

That is why I was not worried.

Please don't think I'm lecturing you here, but I can't not comment because other people will read this.

It doesn't matter how much you trust a new sexual partner, when you have unprotected sex with them you are basically also having unprotected sex with everyone they've ever slept with, and everyone those partners had ever slept with previously, and so on and so on. However nice someone is, or however long they've been celibate form if they have any sexual history at all you need condoms until you get an all clear from an STI clinic.

For example, if your partner had 3 partners before you, and each of them had just 2 or 3:

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

Please don't think I'm lecturing you here, but I can't not comment because other people will read this.

It doesn't matter how much you trust a new sexual partner, when you have unprotected sex with them you are basically also having unprotected sex with everyone they've ever slept with, and everyone those partners had ever slept with previously, and so on and so on. However nice someone is, or however long they've been celibate form if they have any sexual history at all you need condoms until you get an all clear from an STI clinic.

For example, if your partner had 3 partners before you, and each of them had just 2 or 3:

In the past when teaching sex education we've played a game in class to illustrate this. I can't remember exactly how it goes now but it is something like, out of the class of 30 odd, one or two are secretly told they have an STI. The class then starts walking around and shaking hands with each other. If an infected person shakes hands with someone, that person is then infected and everyone they then shake hands with also catches it. Each person may only shake hands with one or two people, but at the end you can track how quickly the 'STI' spread through the class. They are usually shocked and sobered by the results!

But I'm sure aileth did know all this before we both waded in with our examples! Still, doesn't hurt to share

[Deleted User]

Just to update as someone asked -

He came over and it went a lot better than I thought.

I explained that I had a lot of anxiety over how fast everything had happened and felt we should have had some important conversations, particularly contraception.

He admitted it had also been on his mind since too and that he would do anything he could to make me feel reassured going forward, that I could ask him anything about his past that I wanted to (although I explained that I felt that was his business unless he had particular concerns), agreed that condoms were an absolute must going forward, that going for std tests was a priority (we both made appointments today with our respective doctors and are going to collect the results together).

He actually broached the subject of pregnancy and we discussed how remote a possibility it was, but very sweetly in the circumstances he offered to go and get me pregnancy tests for as long as I wanted until I was satisfied everything was ok.

He got why I was so wound up with myself and really just let me know it wasn't on my shoulders (although logically I knew that it was nice to have him say he was equally responsible) and spent a lot of time just holding me really and telling me little things about the night that he felt were particularly special and really just reassured me that the lack of contraception worries hadn't ruined the memory of the evening.

So all in all I don't think it could have gone any better, I think its broken down some barriers as well.

Katgrit

Sounds like you got a good un there!! My bloke was similarly understanding about having an sti check before we went without. It's lovely to find such a diamond amongst some of the utter gonks out there!

PlymouthMaid

That is good news - glad you haven't got an 'utter gonk' (love that).