I've got myself in a right state to the point I can't reason with myself - help!

Errata

[quote=[Deleted User];65751445]Its something I intend to raise tonight as i'd like us both to go, preferably together.[/QUOTE]
The best of luck with that request!

rachiibell

Don't have a big emotional talk - nothing more off-putting at the start of a relationship!

Buy a box of condoms. When you see him chuck them at him and say something along the lines of "the other night was great... I've got these so we'll be more prepared in future!"

I also think I'd probably take a friend for the STI test rather than him. It will probably be a bit of an emotional/ scary affair and not exactly conductive to forming a relationship.

Katgrit

[quote=[Deleted User];65751353]Let me be very clear that I do understand all of the above (I have a chemistry based degree!) hence why i've wound myself up so much over doing something so stupid.[/QUOTE]My two penneth - you're nuts for getting in such a state. What have you done that's so stupid? You're on the pill and you've had sex with your boyfriend. I'm a massive worrier and hyperchondriac and even *I* wouldn't get in a state about this. Yes you might have messed up when it comes to STDs but that's nothing to do with the pill. If you don't trust the pill so much that you're going to the extent of taking the MAP after sex why the hell are you on it?

By all means have a chat with him next time you see him saying you'd rather get checked before you go without condoms again (I've asked my last 2 partners to do this and both were fine) but by making this into "we need a chat" you'll look like a loon. I get massively insecure when it comes to men, and push the "emotion chats" far more than others would advise. Luckily the bloke I've recent got together with is fantastic and very patient with my irrationality, but this is one that I think would make even him run a mile.

Errata

this is one that I think would make even him run a mile

I think most blokes would leg it. If a brand new GF asks a bloke to go to the STI clinic with them to be tested there's a very good chance the bloke will think either the GF has infected him and wants him checked out, or he has infected the GF and she wants him checked out.

PlymouthMaid

I agree with Rachiibell above - be proactive and get some condoms. Go to the STI place and just tell him that for peace of mind you will be happy to ditch the condoms if you have been together 6 months or so and both checked out STI free. Sorted. I expect you got over wound up because, like me in the past, the implications of unplanned pregnancy were just so scary even though the rational part of your mind knew it was very very unlikely.

bagpussbear

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/4991598]I need to reassure him that he didn't force me in any way and that I don't have any resentment towards him - it was an incredibly irresponsible thing for us both to have done - he didn't even ask me if I was on the pill.[/QUOTE]

These 2 statements stood out for me as I feel they contradict each other and would explain, in my opinion, why you have got yourself into such a state about the situation.

Logically you know there is very very little chance of there being a pregnancy given you are on the pill, regardless of where you are on the pill/break cycle (if you've taken it correctly)

You are both indeed to blame for having unprotected sex, but I bet deep down you feel this guy, if he was a decent guy, would have done or said something about the protection factor. After all, he has just run the risk of getting you 'up the duff', and so far doesn't appear to have had regret about it, or even any thought about it. And that's not a good feeling, is it.

Therefore I am thinking you might have misplaced the anxiety, and the issue is with this man, rather than a pregnancy

I wouldn't mention anything about the after morning pill, STIs etc but you need to have some sort of conversation about protection going forward. I'd feel tempted to say something along the lines of "I feel peed off neither of us thought about protecting ourselves" and see how the conversation goes from there.

Just my tuppence, and apologies if I am way off

moromir

bagpussbear wrote:

These 2 statements stood out for me as I feel they contradict each other and would explain, in my opinion, why you have got yourself into such a state about the situation.

Logically you know there is very very little chance of there being a pregnancy given you are on the pill, regardless of where you are on the pill/break cycle (if you've taken it correctly)

You are both indeed to blame for having unprotected sex, but I bet deep down you feel this guy, if he was a decent guy, would have done or said something about the protection factor. After all, he has just run the risk of getting you 'up the duff', and so far doesn't appear to have had regret about it, or even any thought about it. And that's not a good feeling, is it.

Therefore I am thinking you might have misplaced the anxiety, and the issue is with this man, rather than a pregnancy

I wouldn't mention anything about the after morning pill, STIs etc but you need to have some sort of conversation about protection going forward. I'd feel tempted to say something along the lines of "I feel peed off neither of us thought about protecting ourselves" and see how the conversation goes from there.

Just my tuppence, and apologies if I am way off

Agree with this!

aileth

Not even asking you if you were on the pill is a real, real shocker for me. I didn't notice that from earlier posts, I must've missed it in my skim-reading.

When I met OH, I was on the pill and he knew it. The first time we 'did it' was very similar to yours, carried away etc, raging hormones, but I wasn't worried at all as I was always on time taking it.

However, after then we used the condom and the pill just as a 'double measure' against pregnancy as we were both so far away from being in a situation where we could cope with a baby that we both wanted double reassurance.

Now however I'm just on the depo and that's it. We are settled and in a situation if something did happen, then obviously it's a sign that we are supposed to have a baby, especially if the little !!!!!! gets in through the 0.1%.

I hope your talk with him went well, but as others have said above I think asking to cart him off to the sexual health clinic might end in tears.

Person_one

aileth wrote: »

Not even asking you if you were on the pill is a real, real shocker for me. I didn't notice that from earlier posts, I must've missed it in my skim-reading.

When I met OH, I was on the pill and he knew it. The first time we 'did it' was very similar to yours, carried away etc, raging hormones, but I wasn't worried at all as I was always on time taking it.

I'm not sure why the issue of hormonal contraception would need to be discussed until later in the relationship, as surely it should be a given that condoms must be used until both of you commit to being monogamous and get an STI check.

aileth

Person_one wrote: »

I'm not sure why the issue of hormonal contraception would need to be discussed until later in the relationship, as surely it should be a given that condoms must be used until both of you commit to being monogamous and get an STI check.

Of course, but the only reason it came up for me as because I had to cancel a date to go to the Doctors, he got worried as he figured it must be important for me to have to cancel for it, and I just told him I need a pill top-up.

Our first time was four months into dating though.