I've got myself in a right state to the point I can't reason with myself - help!

[Deleted User]

I met someone about six weeks ago (we're mid twenties) and although we've spent lots of time together and really enjoyed each others company, neither of us had made a move on each other - due to the travelling between where we both live, we agreed I'd stay over (for the first time) at the weekend and train into work.

We had a really enjoyable day and spent the evening on the sofa, there was finally a bit of snuggling but that was all. We went on to bed (literally boring brushing teeth, into pajamas type stuff) but did cuddle.

After a while he finally kissed me (hurray!) but it got very heated very quickly and we ended up having sex which was wonderful and intimate.

Herein lies the problem, we didn't use a condom which I've never done before.

I'm on the pill but I'm on that week break before you start taking them again which triggers your period.

I know logically I am an extremely unhospitable environment and pregnancy is unlikely towards the end of my cycle.

Nevertheless I got myself in a right state Monday morning after I got on the train and ended up in tears in the pharmacist's office at lunchtime.

I took the morning after pill and made it through the nausea yesterday, I feel a bit crampy today which I think is a good sign that my period is coming but the pharmacist told me to take a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks no matter what just to be sure which I will do.

I haven't conveyed any of this to him yet although I've asked him to come over tonight to talk (after assuring him I'm not having second thoughts).

I really can't believe I've been this stupid and I appreciate that we've both been extremely immature in not stopping what was happening and forcing a contraception talk.

I need to explain to him my position - that although I'm on the pill I want the reassurance of condoms, both from a pregnancy and std perspective - I have only known him a short period of time - its something I'd be prepared to have a discussion on in several months time if we get serious.

I need to reassure him that he didn't force me in any way and that I don't have any resentment towards him - it was an incredibly irresponsible thing for us both to have done - he didn't even ask me if I was on the pill.

I'm terrified that he's going to think I'm a drama queen or in someway crying wolf about the liklihood of being pregnant (I know the liklihood is miniscule) and then I feel even worse for thinking he won't be anything other than completely supportive.

I pride myself on being rational and a bit on the stoic side so this is all sending me into a complete spiral, especially since I physically feel very tearful and tender thanks to the morning after pill.

If anyone has any advice whatsoever for how to handle this I'd be ever so grateful.

cakeforbrains

Wait, so he's had full, unprotected sex with you and *you're* the one worried about upsetting him?

aileth

Next time you see him, I'd just say something along the lines of, yes, things got heated and condom got missed, but you'd really appreciate if one was used in future as it makes you more comfortable.

I wouldn't even mention the possibility of a pregnancy, however slight, right now. I can imagine most blokes would freak out big time. I'd only be considering it if the pregnancy test came back positive.

I'd hope he's thought about the lack of condom as well though, as if the thought hasn't crossed his mind since I'd be a wee bit worried.

cakeforbrains

aileth wrote: »

Next time you see him, I'd just say something along the lines of, yes, things got heated and condom got missed, but you'd really appreciate if one was used in future as it makes you more comfortable.

I wouldn't even mention the possibility of a pregnancy, however slight, right now. I can imagine most blokes would freak out big time. I'd only be considering it if the pregnancy test came back positive.

I'd hope he's thought about the lack of condom as well though, as if the thought hasn't crossed his mind since I'd be a wee bit worried.

I agree with your first part, but what do men think will happen if they ejaculate inside a fertile-aged woman whose contraceptive status is unknown to them? He's got a loaded gun there!

And it was the OP who had to go through the hormonal whack of emergency contraception. Why should he be protected from that?

aileth

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I agree with your first part, but what do men think will happen if they ejaculate inside a fertile-aged woman whose contraceptive status is unknown to them? He's got a loaded gun there!

And it was the OP who had to go through the hormonal whack of emergency contraception. Why should he be protected from that?

Completely agree, and I really, really hope it has crossed his mind as OP sounds like she's been through a hellish period, I think I phrased it really terribly, but what I'm saying is if she meets up with him tonight and talks about pregnancy immediately, chances are he's going to shut down.

Morglin

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/4991598]I met someone about six weeks ago (we're mid twenties) and although we've spent lots of time together and really enjoyed each others company, neither of us had made a move on each other - due to the travelling between where we both live, we agreed I'd stay over (for the first time) at the weekend and train into work.

We had a really enjoyable day and spent the evening on the sofa, there was finally a bit of snuggling but that was all. We went on to bed (literally boring brushing teeth, into pajamas type stuff) but did cuddle.

After a while he finally kissed me (hurray!) but it got very heated very quickly and we ended up having sex which was wonderful and intimate.

Herein lies the problem, we didn't use a condom which I've never done before.

I'm on the pill but I'm on that week break before you start taking them again which triggers your period.

I know logically I am an extremely unhospitable environment and pregnancy is unlikely towards the end of my cycle.

Nevertheless I got myself in a right state Monday morning after I got on the train and ended up in tears in the pharmacist's office at lunchtime.

I took the morning after pill and made it through the nausea yesterday, I feel a bit crampy today which I think is a good sign that my period is coming but the pharmacist told me to take a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks no matter what just to be sure which I will do.

I haven't conveyed any of this to him yet although I've asked him to come over tonight to talk (after assuring him I'm not having second thoughts).

I really can't believe I've been this stupid and I appreciate that we've both been extremely immature in not stopping what was happening and forcing a contraception talk.

I need to explain to him my position - that although I'm on the pill I want the reassurance of condoms, both from a pregnancy and std perspective - I have only known him a short period of time - its something I'd be prepared to have a discussion on in several months time if we get serious.

I need to reassure him that he didn't force me in any way and that I don't have any resentment towards him - it was an incredibly irresponsible thing for us both to have done - he didn't even ask me if I was on the pill.

I'm terrified that he's going to think I'm a drama queen or in someway crying wolf about the liklihood of being pregnant (I know the liklihood is miniscule) and then I feel even worse for thinking he won't be anything other than completely supportive.

I pride myself on being rational and a bit on the stoic side so this is all sending me into a complete spiral, especially since I physically feel very tearful and tender thanks to the morning after pill.

If anyone has any advice whatsoever for how to handle this I'd be ever so grateful.[/QUOTE]

The chances of you being pregnant are slim to zero, and you can get an STD test, if you want to.

Personally, I wouldn't make a drama out of this, and talk about morning after pills etc., etc., , just say that, in future, you need a condom to be used!

It was a sex session that may or may not lead to other things, men view things very differently to women, and I wouldn't come across weepy and needy, if you want a future with this.

Lin

duchy

I'm a bit confused
When you say you are on the pill- Do you mean you were already on the pill and this was the normal 7 days out of 21 break OR you've just started and this was your first cycle before starting the Pill ?

Frankly the odds of you been pregnant are tiny but regardless of this I'd be more concerned he made no mention of the fact you didn't use contraception than anything else.

I wouldn't let on you've turned this into a huge drama - but I would be having a talk about what precautions you should be taking ( and responsibly that means even if you are on the pill using a condom as well in such a new relationship)

Anatidaephobia

I agree that there's no reason to make a drama out of it. What's done is done but the important thing is that you've dealt with it by taking the morning after pill, and that you won't let it happen again. Just tell him that in future, he'll have to use a condom - and, assuming he's a decent guy, there won't be any further problems.

stir_crazy

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Wait, so he's had full, unprotected sex with you and *you're* the one worried about upsetting him?

It takes two to tango - OP is just as responsible for the full, unprotected sex! :cool:

OP, dont mention that you think you might be pregnant. As someone else has said, if you are already on the pill and have taken the morning after pill the chances of you being pregnant are very small. The pill does continue to work on the "break week". But do insist that condoms are used to protect against STDs.

cakeforbrains

I would go to get tested for STIs as soon as you can.

cakeforbrains

stir_crazy wrote: »

It takes two to tango - OP is just as responsible for the full, unprotected sex! :cool:

OP, dont mention that you think you might be pregnant, as someone else has said, if you are already on the pill and have taken the morning after pill the chances of you being pregnant are very small. The pill does continue to work on the "break week". But do insist that condoms are used to protect against STDs.

Absolutely. I totally agree with this, but there only seems to be one person worried about it here. And not only worried about it, but worried that she'll upset him by being worried about it.

Mind you, for all we know he could currently be just as concerned and anxious about how he's going to bring it up when they next meet.