I know it's petty but I'm feeling miffed.

maman

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe not resentment but a small level of hurt? I know I would be hurt in OP's shoes, but not to the extent of showing any of it, which I don't think OP is doing. It is clear she loves her SDS.

You're right I do.

Kayalana99

Not read the whole thread but I can understand the feeling, it's quite common on OHs side that if we are invited to a BBQ that we are expected (and asked) to bring something ie the wine or the sausages/burgers and easily comes to over £10 and we aren't exactly flush.

There view is they are hosting cooking etc so the family should help out with the cost (and they do this who ever is hosting so it is fair in that respect) but my view is that if we are invited to someones home for a do then we shouldn't be expected to bring something but a choice(and offered if we wanted to)...end day it's not like we can say no as it's usually a childs birthday party etc (i.e his younger sister) & by time you've brought a gift...

But I guess each to their own, I wouldn't ask if we was to hold something here x

maman

princeofpounds wrote: »

Maman, for all the silliness of the concern in your OP, I think your responses to some fairly blunt replies have been dignified.

And of course I think most of us do understand why the real issue can be difficult for you. I think the points made about her not contributing to the upbringing and buying her way back in have truth to them, although it's te contributions that really matter, jointly occupying a house that was jointly bought is not in itself unreasonable. Only where that money came from I the first place.

I think you should, carefully, express that perspective to your DIL if you haven't already. With the emphasis always on the unsupported burden you and your husband had to face being partly a source of these burden-lifting riches. But then you just have to shut up about it. Your aim should be to share a little understanding with immense sensitivity, and be aware your SD is unlikely to ever fully comprehend it as she didn't 'live the history'.

Thanks for that. I've never considered her a burden, financial or otherwise. I don't regret or resent a penny that we've paid for her upbringing or given as gifts since. It was done willingly and I'd do it all over again.


When the ex moved in with her my DH did discuss with her as to whether it was a good idea to lose their independence in that way i.e. to have someone move in with them. At that time there was no talk about paying off the mortgage that's come since. DSD's response was that she felt really sorry for her. We just respected her right to make that decision and we've not mentioned it since.

meritaten

sorry, but yes you are being petty. I wouldn't mind a bit if one of my kids sent that txt. in fact, if they invite themselves to sunday lunch I may txt back 'then you will have to stop in shop and get a cooked chicken and I will do the veg'. I thought that is what 'family' did? I cant help feeling you have a strange relationship with her if you get miffed at this. do you expect her to 'pay you back' for raising her?