Just needed to be heard for a little while

seven-day-weekend

codemonkey wrote: »

I hope we didn't put too much pressure on her.

I was wondering that I do hope not, we were all thinking of her welfare.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good evening all! Don't worry I only just got here!

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful advice. Today's plan went straight out of the window due to me getting myself in so much of a state that I spent a lot of the day psychotic and couldn't be left anyway. Forgive me if I sound a bit weird, I am not quite back. More on that later, it is amusing looking back...

WaSp called the Age Concern people with Milliefleur's permission today and they are going to see her in the morning. Originally her sister was supposed to be staying overnight until a form of housing was sorted out. It turns out Milliefleur is fine overnight because she knows a carer will be there at 8am but she does miss the company of someone to watch tv with very much. Although the checks throughout the day are making sure her health is cared for they aren't doing anything for her loneliness. When she is alone she worries and thinks she has cancer and panics. Obviously, one of the main problems is that she can barely see, she is fairly deaf even with a hearing aid and quite limited in movement. It means she spends a lot of the day sitting and thinking with no distractions.

I told WaSp that if Age Concern do not have a solution by tomorrow then I will contact my social worker. Milliefleur now says she doesn't need WaSp there anyway tomorrow because she will be getting visitors in the morning and her club is in the afternoon, it is the days with just everyone popping in and out with no time to chat that she hates.

BIL is insisting he is too ill to be with her and he needs to see what happens after the hospital appointment. His GP believe he has acid reflux due to the amount of drinking he does. I am not exactly overwhelmed with sympathy as I have had and been medicated for that for 15 years. It is uncomfortable and annoying but certainly shouldn't stop him getting to see his mum. I am more thinking that after doing this for a while he has decided it's too much effort and wants a way out.

iammumtoone

I don't want to say too much as don't want to put anymore pressure on WaS. It is WaSp I feel sorry for but he has to understand that his job is to look after WaS, he is paid to do so. BIL is paid to look after Milliefleur and if he is unable to carry out his job then his employer (ie social services) need to know to arrange cover, also like any other job BIL might not be paid for the time he has off sick. Somehow I think knowing that might make him more able to work/look after MIL (again no different to the rest of the country who only are only off sick when really necessary as they don't get paid).

iammumtoone

tea_lover wrote: »

Group nap

Nap :eek::eek:

How dare you all nap when I am not here to join in :rotfl:

geminilady

I have had acid reflux for years,I take daily tablets that control it, it is very common and should not stop you doing anything he is just making excuses

Waves_and_Smiles

I am exactly the same, gemini. I take two pills a day for it, it certainly doesn't mean BIL has to stay at home indefinitely.

I was a little harsh with WaSp but very honest and said if my care plans keep changing I will be moved into supported housing. I have been told this several times over the years, my memory problems and psychotic episodes mean I cannot be left for long periods. Without exaggerating at all, it is dangerous because I can hurt myself, or others if I end up setting fire to the flat or something. Poor WaSp is full of guilt again, he really is torn and I do understand that and feel horrid for him.

BIL just called and has been told that there will be a meeting at Milliefleur's on Wednesday and he needs to be there. Apparently so does WaSp but no one has told him that yet. BIL is not happy! He says that he is ill and now he has to go out in the cold and why are the snoopers back? Err, because of him? We have no idea about the meeting yet, we presume it is with Age Concern and possibly Milliefleur's social worker if they contacted her? At least things are moving...

Waves_and_Smiles

You all may laugh at my latest psychotic episode, even I'm laughing.

I was occupying myself by reading Jack Monroes recipes because I was far too anxious to sleep. Sounds safe, right? WaSp woke up and I offered to make him some toast. As I was handling the bread I suddenly didn't feel like me and thought that I should be doing something different. I said to WaSp "I don't feel as if I am me". I was watching my hands holding the bread but they didn't look like my hands, I couldn't feel the bread properly, and my mind felt foggy. I asked WaSp if I was meant to be making toast and said that I was meant to be using Sainsbury's bread. (JM advertises for Sainsburys).

I then started to get cans out of the cupboard, I couldn't remember what but I was sure that I was meant to be cooking something and putting it on my blog. I turned the hob and put s pan on it while I assembled various beans and ingredients. By this point WaSp noticed something was odd and asked what I was doing to which I replied "I said I would make one new recipe a day" (Jack was doing this on her blog). I still felt very unreal, as if there was something that I had forgotten and it felt like thinking through mud. Poor Wasp is totally confused by this point and then I told him that he needed to go to Sainsburys to get my ingredients because I wasn't allowed to use other supermarkets. Fortunately WaSp came over at this point and noticed I had a pan on full on the hob with nothing in it. This was rather fortunate. He told me to sit down and I said I can't, the children need to be at school (Jack has children).

At this point WaSp was handing me anti-psychotics while I told him how hard it was to plan new blogs and I wished I hadn't said that I would make a new recipe everyday because it was so hard to think of them. I grabbed the laptop at this point and started trying to list recipes. Inbetween these times I was very confused, something wasn't right but I had no idea what it was. It felt like feeling when you wake from the middle of a vivid dream, neither reality seemed real to me. I wonder if I had dreamt that I was this person called WaS and got annoyed with myself because I had work to do for my blog and needed to focus.

WaSp allowed me to continue making up recipes because he had no idea what I had just been reading, he did however question it when I said I really needed to get my hair cut because of the tv appearances! Slowly the anti-psychotics worked and I began to realise what was happening, I wasn't Jack and I didn't have a blog to write. I was very confused for an hour afterwards though and kept asking WaSp if I was different and was he sure that I was me? I also got very confused about why I was living here and not in London (Jack lives in London). This flat didn't look real, everything looked shimmery and bright and I didn't understand why I was here. Eventually I got very tired thanks to the medication and WaSp tucked me into bed and I slept for a few hours. Now I am a lot better but still have a slightly confused feeling as if I may not be me.

So this was the day I almost became Jack Monroe, and shows why I can't be left alone and why I have to be very careful about what I watch and read. As psychiatrists have told me, my switch between reality and fantasy is broken and sometimes even something that is usually safe gets caught up in psychosis. It is never things that are already fantasy like sci-fi or horror because I know they cannot be real, it is real life stories where the lines between reality and fantasy blur for me.

codemonkey

Is it wrong that I laughed at that?

((WaS)). You are you and you are real. And you are probably not JM because I like you and I want to punch JM in her smug face (no idea why). Just to clarify, WaS, I don't want to punch you at all.

This is why WaSp needs to be with you - because of the saucepan incident, not because I'd punch you. Honestly, could I be any more incoherent?

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! Please do laugh, code. I find it highly amusing myself now! WaSp is utterly confused because he has no idea who she is!

You are right, though. Things like the pan incident are why I need someone with me, I am so confused when I am within an episode that I forget things and it is potentially dangerous.

Pyxis

I've never heard of Jack Monroe. Jack? Is she on a sky channel?