Just needed to be heard for a little while

tea_lover

I think there might be something in this 'blue monday' theory. It's not even 9am and I'm fed up and ready for bed.

Have zero work motivation (to the point that I'm now ignoring the phone and emails - which clearly isn't a long term plan). I need to find the motivation to apply for something else, but things are still so up in the air with OH. I have no idea if starting a new job would be a smart move if there's a chance I'd need to get a mortgage on my own in the near-ish future. I don't know where to start with it all. Feel trapped at home and trapped at work and just can't see how to sort it, and where to start.

Sorry for the self-indulgent whinge

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

WaS, this isn't right. Your needs are just as great as MiL's, otherwise there wouldn't be the insistence that you are not alone more than 4hours.
What BIL should have done was contact MiL's SS. Of course, he hasn't, so WaSp must. You mustn't go back to the old situation, you really mustn't. Apart from your own health, this could be a way for BIL to try to revert to the previous status quo. It will keep happening! once he knows that WaSp will dance to his tune every time he throws a wobbly, he'll keep doing it.

Mil has survived all the changes so far, and indeed, revelled in them. A few temporary changes now will be ok too.

As you said, she had a great time in hospital! Keep reminding her of that and giving her that as another option? (Hospital = care home! temporarily.) keep asking her if she'd like more company and to be able to fuss over the 'old dears' etc., just for the week. The decision may then come from her!

But the first thing that must be done is for MiL's care worker to be told, and she will put stuff in place. Please, please, please do not let Wasp just start going up there like he did before. That won't help anyone, and BIL will just take advantage of it again and again. If he knows that every time he reneges, care workers will jump in, he's less likely to do it.

Please, WaS.

I absolutely agree with this. Your needs are as important (and IMO more immediate) than Millefleur's. Hers are being met with her carers. Do NOT disrupt YOUR care plan.

IMO it is her being selfish, not you, I understand she might not like being alone, but neither should she expect you to be alone when your care plan says otherwise. She really should not be monopolising WaSp's time when he has other people to care for.

Maybe the time is right for her to move into a home, where she can have care and company?

Sorry to be so harsh, but I think it is important for your needs to be met and feel quite strongly that WaSp must not try to divide his time - his job is to care for you.

Pyxis

Tealover ,there'd be no harm in looking around for other jobs, and going for interviews, etc., as the major decision-making time would be if you were offered another job!

MessedUp, you are so, so right not to be considering living together yet! Three months is no time, and due to the distance, you haven't seen him as much as if he lived nearer anyway! (What is the distance? I've forgotten!)
A new job nearer you with his own place would be a great scenario!
I assume the 'ex' complication is that his family really liked her and hoped for great things?

Codemonkey, sorry you're all sniffly and under par. Having just got over my bout I can sympathise. Is the work situation any better, or are you still having to do the stuff you dislike,rather than the Codemonkey stuff?

lostinrates

Third ing (?) ( edit...I read on...more like fifth ing or six thing!) that you must inform your care worker and try and work something out.

WaS this was impressed upon you by her at last meeting as you relayed it to us, that she needed to be notified if there was a hiccup or a problem. Well, here is the hiccup, let her know. Explain in practical terms how wasp is torn.


I also agree with the housing situation suggestions. This is sort of what I was saying at the time. They really aren't all for dopey old biddies, but people like millefleur who are by circumstance, a lone but sociable and have some care needs, but one needs to find the RIGHT place! but this might take some searching and the right place might have waiting lists.

codemonkey

Apparently STIs are on the increase amongst older people as they're all merrily having shexitime (say it like Sean Connery) in their sheltered housing complexes and homes so definitely not just for special care needs. It would also get her away from BIL.

Ach Pyxis its all a bit of a mess. Someone left and someone else applied for his job, got it and was then told it was changing into a totally different job and he now had a team which was me and another. We weren't asked if we wanted to join this team - I came in one morning and was told. The other person is annoyed that she had to move and very set in her ways about how things should be done whereas me and the new team leader are horrified at the way things are done and want to change it. None of us know what we're supposed to be doing because management wont tell us and the new TL is empire building and wants to code as a team, which is fine except I'm the best coder and I can't write with people looking over my shoulder. I need time to play and potter around with some solutions. The new TL has some MH issues that he's very open about so he's very understanding about my condition. So there's good and bad.

Tea - I know what you mean about wanting to find a new job but no motivation.

tea_lover

Very frustating code. I'm somewhat similar - I (almost lol) liked the job I did here before, but due to re-organisation, relocation, etc. that was no longer an option. Have ended up in a different dept, with downright weird colleagues and no interest at all in the area of work. Then when you add the internal politics it all gets very disheartening.

Have seen an interesting vacancy this morning. Am tempted to apply but just having a think about it as it's probably on the limit of how far I'd want to commute.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

they're all merrily having shexitime (say it like Sean Connery) in their sheltered housing complexes and homes..

:eek: tell Mil, WaS, that'd probably get her there faster than the speed of light!

tea_lover wrote: »

Have seen an interesting vacancy this morning. Am tempted to apply but just having a think about it as it's probably on the limit of how far I'd want to commute.

No harm in applying anyway!
If your home situation were to change, you might find you end up nearer it anyway!

codemonkey

I am thinking of another tattoo but not sure where I'd put it or whether what I'm considering is totally passe.

Apply for it tea. You can worry about the commute if you get the job.

tea_lover

I still haven't worked up the courage to get my first tattoo. I've been planning it since I was about 18 (36 this week lol). I know exactly what I want and where I want it. Now I just need to actually get it done

What you thinking of code?

codemonkey

Just find a good tattooist and book it tea. It doesn't hurt that much and its quite a pleasant pain iyswim.

I'm considering a phoenix but in a similar line style to my existing one and probably in black too. Just want to put it somewhere where it can be hidden. Something similar to this

or this


Wow. That was larger than I expected.