Just needed to be heard for a little while

iammumtoone

Hello all

Merry Christmas to everyone or happy new year whichever you are celebrating.

I have had a awful Christmas wont go into detail here two reasons, too many lurkers (lurkers are a good thing but I am so ashamed that I don't want many people to know the issue) also I would delete the post and I know that upsets some here so best not to post anything.

I just need to sort myself out and get a life and my son back.

on normal note (trying to keep up with the chat on here as it helps to make me pretend that everything is ok) regarding the 5:2 diet, I don't understand how that works. I know two days is 500 calories and the other just eat as normal, but what is normal? someones normal may be 4000 calories a day meaning no weight lost over the week especially if people eat the 'lost' calories on the normal eating days.

I certainly don't need a diet at the moment, I haven't really eaten much over the last few days just don't feel like it.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, I am so sorry to hear that iam. I really hope that things get better for you soon.

I don't know much about the 5:2 diet so I will let someone else answer that. I did suggest to my doctor once that I try it but he said it wouldn't work because I am hypoglycaemic so the fast days wouldn't be possible for me due to me needing regular carbs. It's a shame because I would like to try it.

mellymoo74

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, thank you MU.

For me melly, my OCD and ED are linked in that they both ways of gaining control when everything feels out of control. The more stressed I feel, the worse they both get. I have learnt to use the OCD to battle the ED, however. If my eating pattern collapses if I focus on an OCD trait and repeat that I can sometimes lessen the impact of the ED. The whole thing is about feeling as if I am controlling my environment and body, it is just that neither are in healthy ways to do so. The only downside is then I am stuck with an OCD relapse...

Quick disclaimer-A need for control is the cause of my ED and OCD, it may be different for others. This is purely my own experience.

It would be interesting to look at some ED studies and see how many people also have some forms of OCD for me it is also all about control.

Started when I was 7 and I have never had the body image thing I know full well what I look like it's a physical manifestation of the control needed to get there if you know what I mean.

My sweet little girl dog and me are on the couch under blanket she looks very concerned every time I sneeze

Waves_and_Smiles

I have never had the body image problem either, I know quite well when I am under and overweight. I feel more capable and powerful when my ED is active whether that is starving myself or binge eating (my ED is EDnos, basically I do the whole lot depending on what I am trying to achieve emotionally at the time). There is almost a 'high' to seeing the scales drop lower and a safety to seeing the numbers rise. Which one I opt for at the time depends on whether I want to feel safer or more capable. It is very hard to stop either direction once it starts, I become terrified of gaining weight and terrified of losing it. As you say, it is completely about feeling in control for me and is triggered hugely by stress and anxiety. I developed a pattern of binging and starvation by the time I was 10, things were very out of control in my childhood so it was a (wrong) way of making myself feel secure again.

Have you ever had any therapy for it? My therapy has touched on it in that I know why it is there and know techniques to try and control it but therapists wanted me to go into a 3 month therapeutic community if I ever really wanted to deal with it. This is because it is so caught up with childhood trauma that they didn't feel it was safe to address it with me being outside of a unit. I never took them up on the offer because so far I have had enough understanding of it to reign it in before it gets desperate.

Give your dog a cuddle from me! She must be a comfort.

ETA: do tell me to shut up anyone if I am saying too much and triggering anyone. I am sometimes too honest about my conditions and my judgement is off right now about whether I am saying too much. I can always make it a penguin if it is too difficult for anyone to read.

codemonkey

Sorry you dont feel well WaS and melly. Sending lots of hot lemon and honey.

codemonkey

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

ETA: do tell me to shut up anyone if I am saying too much and triggering anyone. I am sometimes too honest about my conditions and my judgement is off right now about whether I am saying too much. I can always make it a penguin if it is too difficult for anyone to read.

WaS I always find your insights into your MH conditions very interesting.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, I am glad, code. I do think that sometimes I am too honest but then again psychiatrists have told me that the reason that I am not in a long term residential setting is because I am so honest so that they know what to do to help. My judgement isn't working properly right now, though and I would hate to trigger anyone, I am just writing my thoughts without the usual editing.

mellymoo74

Had some sessions didn't like it mine was very Freudian so kept asking me about my mother yes she was sh*te I know why I do it, and I have honestly dealt with that as far as I can what I need is coping mechanisms that don't involve starving.
I have two my male.is lovely but my female is mine she needs to be with me so the boy has gone to bed with OH my little un is pressed against my side under covers.

mellymoo74

Fanks code.

Not a penguin for me WaS.
xx

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, how sweet! they both sound lovely, melly.

I would agree with you if that is what works for you then look for other strategies to achieve the feeling of control. Mine is without a doubt caused by upbringing but it is too complex and I have too many other mental health conditions to deal with it by working through that alone. So I try to find other hopefully healthy alternatives to try to give the same in control feeling and same safety that I get from ED. It works with varying degrees of success.

I have had Freudian psychotherapy and psycho analysis which did help me but really CBT tends to work best with ED. Working on strategies to deal with it in the here and now are often more effective than looking at the causes, for me at least.