Just needed to be heard for a little while

Errata

BIL sadly doesn't need to flog her jewellery, he has her bank cards. I am vaguely thinking that something needs to be done about that, too but I will let her get used to carers first.

When the time is right a chat with Action on Elder Abuse might be helpful, but I think before that her social worker should be made aware of the bank card situation.

Pyxis

Yes, it would certainly put her mind at rest if she knew her jewellery were safe, and perhaps other things she considers valuable, like heirlooms or certain documents. It may even be the time to start giving things to family, so that she can get the pleasure of seeing people have her precious things, but obviously, that has to come from her.
There's also the possibility of locking one room, and putting sensitive things in the locked room, with WaSp having a key, of course, all to put her mind at rest and allowing her to relax and feel safe.

Pyxis

For those of you with bathtime-hating dogs, eat your hearts out!

Waves_and_Smiles

That's a good idea. We aren't really sure what to do about the bank cards. Right now BIL has access to everything which is very bad, she cannot see to do it herself. Her sister could take over for now but she will go home eventually then we are stuck. WaSp could take over but as MIL likes to shop daily he would be back to driving there every day which it seems my social worker wants to stop. This would be far easier if MIL is moved closer to us and it is no longer a 120 mile drive for WaSp.

Errata

The bottom line is that BIL also has the PIN numbers which bank customers agree not to share with anyone, so if he's using her money inappropriately she hasn't got a leg to stand on.
Someone who is very elderly, housebound and nearly blind won't be a new situation in the scheme of things, and there wlll be a proper and legal way for them to access their money. Talk to the social worker.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, I will do. I am going to mention MIL's situation to my social worker on Monday. I doubt that she will tell me much but I know that she has spoken to MIL's social worker, they seem to be treating us as all connected which we are.

Actually, that is something I didn't think of. In my case WaSp has a card to my account which we set up with the bank so everything is officially covered. I am not sure BIL ever did that, he could just know her pin number, etc. This is not good for MIL as far as banking rules go.

Errata

With the agreement of the Bank a second person can be an 'authorised signer' on a personal bank account. This means they can sign cheques, and IIRC they are given a bank card with a different PIN, which gives an audit trail of who's doing what.

Waves_and_Smiles

Yes, that is what WaSp has for me, he has his own card to use linked to my account. Now I think about it, I am pretty sure that MIL never set that up for BIL.

lostinrates

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Hmmm. In a way that is quite a good article (you are right, people shouldn't read it if it might trigger. But the main focus is actually a great point. It encourages us all to look after each other, and to talk to someone - if you feel up to it - if you see them looking distressed on the street!)

But I can't see how it relates in any way to the sentence about treating MI like diabetes - and in fact I do believe that MI is far better treated by social interactions than it is by drugs. Drugs have their place, of course, especially if you have a sensible psychiatrist like WaS's, who seems to have worked well and involved her in getting a good balance of drugs. But far too often people are still just given chemical coshes, or at least subdued by a drug which 'sort of' works, and no social support whatsoever

Some types of diabetes in some people are as well ( arguable better ) treated without drugs too, lifestyle and nutritional......which might fundamentally include social interaction. This might go for lots of health situations in some people.....fully, partially.......



Fwiw, I in noway want a talking therapy. Nope siree. Happy to talk here thanks, happy to talk to my husband. Sometimes think about it, then decide its not for me. I do feel my situation has been helped with the anti depressants. I certainly don't want to stay on them for ever. But if that or talking about everything that sucks then I choose the pills and concentrating as hard as possible on what doesn't and what I can change that does myself.

Waves_and_Smiles

I do understand that, LIR. I have had 16 years of therapy which worked for me but WaSp couldn't be more against the idea for himself. He finds it unhelpful to talk through he personal feelings because it makes him feel worse, he does far better thinking about them in his own head and working through things quietly. When he gets dragged into my psychiatric appointments he looks like he is cornered, he absolutely hates it.