Just needed to be heard for a little while

Divorced_Daddy_001

Pyxis wrote: »

Actually, Divorced_Daddy, it would be useful if, as a new poster, you give your views on the thread etiquette, and what impressions you get from it!

Thanks very much for all the replies to my original post, they're all very reassuring and welcoming, so much appreciated I would've responded sooner but my computer seems to have a mind of its own at the moment! :eek:

My overall impression of the thread etiquette is that I found it very helpful and reassuring. Reading it has definitely helped me to pluck up the courage to post in here so thanks very much for taking the time to put something like that together, it has obviously been well thought out :T

I was a bit confused at first about the part about penguins, but I think I've got my head round it now . . . it takes me a while sometimes! If it's ok to make a suggestion, I'm not sure how practical it is to wait an hour after indicating that someone wants to post something which might be a penguin? But I remember reading somewhere that this bit might get changed? Apart from that minor detail, I think the etiquette post is fab! :T

Divorced_Daddy_001

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Hello DD and welcome to the thread - all welcome here! :hello:

One of the things that might help you when you are feeling low, that a few of us value, are http://therecoveryletters.com/ We all try to help each other here, but we also point people at good resources, and sometimes one of us will post an inspirational letter here to give us all a lift

Thanks very much for this link, I'll have a look at those letters as I hadn't heard about them before. I'm always keen to hear about strategies and ideas which can help

Divorced_Daddy_001

Pyxis wrote: »

Hello, Divorced_Daddy. Welcome to the thread.

I know what you mean about "really scary".
Do you have any strategies you can employ, to counteract the fear?

Asking me about this has really made me stop and think! I've got various proactive strategies that I'm trying to use (just simple little things, but I'm hoping that they'll have an accumulative affect) to stop me from plummeting to the bottom of my black hole. But my reactive strategies aren't great, to be honest.

My mind sometimes becomes pre-occupied with very negative, unhelpful and scary trains of thought and if I can't shift myself away from these quite quickly then things can deteriorate rapidly and I spend a long time crying and feeling useless and hopeless. So I often try to say to myself something like "Is thinking like this / about this going to help me at the moment? Do I need to think about this right now or can I save it to discuss at my next counselling session?" Sometimes this helps, sometimes it doesn't.

My worst time is on an evening when I'm tired after work. Apart from 2-3 evenings per week, I come home to an empty house (which is rented accommodation that I moved into almost a year ago, but it isn't very comfortable or homely and I've only just recently got sorted out with a landline and internet, at last!). Quite often I start crying as I'm driving home from work (my fluoxetine has been increased recently, so hopefully this will start to help with this) at the thought of spending yet another evening on my own and how much I miss the "nice side" of my ex-girlfriend. So I'll often have a couple of glasses of wine on an evening and take myself off to bed early and read a book till I fall asleep for a few hours, before I wake up again (usually approx 2 am). I know that the wine isn't a good idea. I'd been trying to get out on my bike for some exercise on an evening after work but I've been loaded with a cold for the last few weeks, but that finally seems to be on the mend at long last, so I'll have to start getting out on my bike again and try to eat a bit more regularly (and more healthily!)

seven-day-weekend

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm 'ok' about big dog, ( in that I'm not, but if am iykwim). Its the best thing, and slightly preemptive, ( that's the bit I don't like really) but it has to be that way because of practicalities and most importantly because of a HER personality and needs. I am certain I'm doing the right thing.

You are in my thoughts today xxxxx

seven-day-weekend

We have been thinking of moving, and have found a house we like! Never thought we would. It's a bungalow, just where we wanted it to be. It does have character and although it needs a lot doing to it (swirly carpets are the least of the problems!), it is livable while we do it. Best of all it's £25k under budget . Hope we can get it -will let you all know.

lostinrates

Divorced_Daddy_001 wrote: »

I was a bit confused at first about the part about penguins, but I think I've got my head round it now . . . it takes me a while sometimes!

It takes me a while often....I have a neurological condition which makes memory difficult sometimes and I find the ettiquette hard.

My way of dealing with it is I avoid the big OS in discussion. I no longer post things I want to remove so as not to upset anybody by removing things and I know I get the penguin bit a bit wrong but I do the best I can at the time. .

The important thing, I think, is to try and be courteous and mindful of others needs. Others will return this

lostinrates

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You are in my thoughts today xxxxx

Its not today.:)

It will be next week.

But thank you, its nice to be in your thoughts anyway!

Pyxis

Ooh! 7DW, that sounds super! So you didn't go with the house that had a conservatory that had a conservatory?!


Re. Etiquette, peoples, what do you think? Shall I change the bit about waiting an hour?
I think that if something is potentially a penguin, just saying that it's a penguin and putting it in whiteout is probably enough to avoid a trigger.


Divorce_ Daddy, thanks for the feedback! That was very useful!
There are two things that I find useful in helping to deflect the black dog - singing, and dance. I'm talking about in a class situation.
Both of these involve music!
Both involve some physical exertion, (yes, even singing! Amazing how many muscles you use!). And oxygenation of the old, sad brain!
Both involve a degree of social interaction.
Both give a degree of gratification and achievement. Even if you think you're hopeless!

Stop! you're saying you can't sing or dance! Oh yes you can! I'm not talking Glee here! Every town has at least one community choir, where the only criterion is that you want to have a go! No audition, no ability to read music necessary, just turn up and sing!

Dance - the Zumba group I go to has a couple of men in it, it's not exclusively for women. It doesn't matter if you have two left feet, as you're not partnering anyone! It doesn't matter if you can't co-ordinate arms and legs, as the aim is to exercise to great music!, not to perform on stage! You can leap about manically, or you can plod about gently, it's up to you!


With regard to your living accommodation, what is it about it that makes it not comfortable or homely? Does it need decorating? Or more squishy cushions/rugs? Pictures on the walls? Pot plants?

Could there be a January project to make it more of a home? One's surroundings are so important, aren't they?

I think you have done brilliantly in extricating yourself from a damaging relationship. That is such an achievement in itself, and I hope you can see it as such. You have achieved a huge life-change and of course you are grieving for the better aspects of the previous life. You've achieved a whole year in a different and difficult situation, so congratulate yourself on that!

Pyxis

LIR -have some lovely times with Big Dog over the next few days.

((((((((((((LIR and Big Dog)))))))))))))))

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

Ooh! 7DW, that sounds super! So you didn't go with the house that had a conservatory that had a conservatory?!


!

That house was removed from the market before we got a chance to view it.