Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much for your suggestion, that is another point we need to consider. When WaSp tried to talk them they kept bringing the conversation back to the point that he is already a carer, I think they possibly feel that he is stretched too thin. MIlliefleur was also asked who her close family were and named BIL, WaSp and me, mentioning me may not have been the best idea if she didn't want to highlight a potential situation considering SS already know me! When he asked what the options were WaSp was told they will work out what are the best ones for his mum and BIL was told the same thing. Other than that they won't say a word. WaSp is incredibly guilty right now and feels he has let her down which of course he hasn't. You are correct that he doesn't need anymore guilt.

jobbingmusician

In that case it might help to tell WaSp my theory about POVA. The POVA alert (or whatever it is called now) was caused by BIL, not by WaSp! He has NOTHING to feel guilty about! xxxxxx Good idea to ask if he can be involved in decision making, though. If they are having a POVA committee or whatever it is called, he has a right to be involved.

elsien

It's SoVA nowadays. Plus ca change, etc.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am having to Google all of these terms, JM, I am used to simple sectioning! This is a huge help, though! As I said communication from the hospital has stopped entirely.

tea_lover

Shortish post as on phone but we had similar ish situation before my grandad went into a nursing home. My parents (his daughter and SIL) were doing all they could but my dad is already a full time carer for my mum. SS were really pretty good as sorting out help and making sure that no one was over burdened. There was guilt that we weren't able to look after him at home anymore but it has been the best thing for everyone - his care needs have got a lot more intense in the last year anyway so there's no way we could have coped.

Not much point to this post, just wanted to say that SS are used to all sorts of situations. I hope MIL is able to let them help. Take care xx

elsien

Your local council should have its safeguarding adults policies and procedures on their website, if you want more specific local info.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, tea. I hope so, too.

OK, PoVa/SoVA is still safeguarding. Well, if that is what has happened then I still agree with it, Milliefleur isn't safe with BIL and there is just going to be more risk as her health worsens. She wouldn't really be safe with WaSp either because she will not let him help with certain aspects of her care, she has a women only policy. So far I think SS seem to be doing a good job, it would help if they said a little more about what was going on but I suspect the idea is that they don't for a variety of reasons.

jobbingmusician

Thanks elsien, I knew it had been renamed, and I knew it is now called Safeguarding, but was incapable of putting the 2 together and remembering that POVA is now SOVA

seven-day-weekend

It seems her needs cannot be met if she stays at home as she will not let her sons care for her properly (I absolutely understand that, I'd not want my son to do it either). She is not eating properly. As well as BIL getting drunk all the time. And I agree that WaSp has enough to do with being a carer for you.

IMHO, it's absolutely the right decision that she goes into some sort of care whether that be sheltered housing or a residential facility. Somewhere where she can be looked after properly. WaSp just can't do it on his own, he does not have to feel guilty about that.

My mum went into care (from a sheltered flat) when she got frail, absolutely loved it, made new friends (she was a bubbly and outgoing person too), put on weight because she was eating properly, lost the lines of worry from her face because she didn't have to worry about whether she had paid the milkman or the paper boy. She had several happy years there until she died at the ripe old age of 94.

Could be the best move your m-i-l has ever made.

heartbreak_star

We had safeguarding involved when my dad fell down the stairs because my mum couldn't catch him they had the worst social worker in the world though, I actually took a swing at her during the "where do we go from here" conference as she wanted to bed-bind dad entirely!

He wasn't too sociable a man, but it gave mum peace of mind when he went into a care home as she knew he was being looked after better than she could manage on her own (she is 5ft tall and has rheumatoid arthritis!). They got him some windowbox stuff to garden with and he liked to watch films, and he loved food and the staff would help him eat anything difficult.

And they knew how to throw a good Christmas party

HBS x