Just needed to be heard for a little while

whitewing

I think you should tell your partner about the bus incident. It will help him understand too. I have told my DH about things that I find shameful and he surprises me sometimes with how kind he is.

I have this real thing about being called 'dirty girl' or even hearing children described as 'dirty' (I don't mean if they are muddy - no problems with that). I sometimes wonder what happened because I don't have memories of anything that may have caused it. It prompts extreme feelings and upsets me disproportionately. I associate it with someone thinking a child has no redeeming features whatsoever.

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

How can I resist that? Ok, I shall buy it!

Hi WaS! I was going to suggest that you adopt that 'rule' where, if you want to buy something that you don't really 'need', then it's ok, providing you dispose of something you already have. By dispose, I mean give something away, or recycle something, or even sell something, you don't have to throw something in the refuse.

That way, you're left with the same number of things, and won't get overcrowded!

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, whitewing I have wanted to tell my partner for a while. It is still very hard for me to discuss but it might help him to understand why my health suddenly became so bad back then. I shall find a quiet time to speak about it.

Great idea, Pyxis! I also know what that thing can be. I have had a tray of beads and clasps for ages which I won't ever use as my fingers no longer cope with small fiddly things but my niece would love them! I shall get my partner to drop them off tomorrow.

Pyxis

Yeyyyy! WaS! :T


Just a thought, if you find it hard to talk about, why not show your partner what you wrote on the thread?

whitewing

I was on a bus once, some years ago now, and a young woman got on. She looked fantastic - huge smile, very fresh, lipstick that matched her cardi, bright summer skirt and a ballet style top. She looked happy and confident and eyes were drawn to her as she walked down the bus, to sit near the back as the bus was full. Despite being full the bus was also quiet, so we all heard a sarcastic drawl of a young man say loudly something along the lines of 'do you just want me to look at your titties, sitting there in your low cut top?' He said it purely to humiliate her, and very close to tears she rushed over to sit next to me. I always wonder why I didn't have the guts to tell her that I thought she looked incredible. No one said anything. It is disappointing that someone had to be so nasty, but I could have made her feel slightly better.

Pyxis

Isn't that just the time when you wish you had the wit of Steven Fry or someone, so that you can retort in a way that would have the whole bus laughing at that nasty young man?

Two hours later, you might think of something, but oh! To have that ability to do it at the time!

whitewing

I am now up to page 7 of re-reading. WaS, have you become catatonic in public places or only in safe places eg at home?

KT2802

Hi everyone - I have just been catching up from the last few days.

Lovely to hear about your friend B WaS, would be great to hear how he is getting on. You did such a kind thing and I am sure you changed his life as well as him changing yours.

I felt incredibly sad and angry about that awful woman saying that to you on the bus! People can be so mean and they really don't realise the profound impact it can have on people. Terrible about the man you heard too whitewing. I too always wish that I had responded in a different way. It's frustrating. It's so sad as horrible comments - both from when you are an adult or a child - like that can stay with people forever. I still remember the cruel things that were said to me by other children when I was a child. They are things that I still dwell on now at times when things aren't going so well.

Duke, you are such a good support to Harry. I hope that the voices give him a break soon or that he can tune them out. It must be so exhausting and terrifying for him.

I am glad you bought the fairy door WaS

lostinrates

I just ran DH in to the station and on the way back I was thinking about the woman on the bus and thinking about interactions where I know I have come off badly and it suddenly occurred to me......maybe the woman herself had some thing going on that was also an invisible illness. Or An incident in her past where she had been wrongly blamed for something, and that was why she was so ott in trying to disassociate herself.

Its not nicer for WaS of course, its totally vile, horrid, life changing. But its possible she was the victim of something that soured her so, ( life event ) or a health condition that impacts on her behaviour.

What I am learning is we have to be very careful before dismissing someone to satisfy ourselves. Now, that's different to taking any blame, which obviously belongs to the woman only, or shame, for which there should be none for the incident from WaS pov IMO.

jobbingmusician

Yes, I feel that the woman must have had something going on in her own life. It's just not a reasonable comment to comment on your own continence, or to point out someone else's problem. I'm sure most of the people present would have been FAR more shocked and offended by her than they would have been my WaS's accident.

It's also true that EVERYONE is incontinent if they are ill enough......Continence is only a temporary gift when we are well enough to use it!

(Like being able bodied. The disability movement used to have a concept of TAB - temporarily able bodied people, because they knew that being able to use all your limbs is a tremendous gift which does disappear in people generally if you live long enough. Or have an accident. Or are disabled by medication!!!!)