Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you, whitewing, I will gladly accept a hug. It is still extremely painful to think about and was the main factor in my sectioning a few months later, I just couldn't get over it. I have never left the house alone since then and never with company for any reason apart from appointments. I do realise that she was from a generation where the mentally ill were often hidden away but even so I have met some wonderful people of her age who have been nothing but kind. I am still at a loss why anyone would be that cruel to another person, if I could speak her to her again I would just like to know, why? It was truly horrible and the memory of my total shame will always stay with me.

You made me giggle, someone would want to make a documentary about little me? If I thought it would help others then yes, I might do it but I still feel like ramblings are really dull, it isn't like anything much happens from day to day. I do try to not come over all doom and gloom as I am not that kind of a person but I am pretty boring. Yes, I know JM. Be kind to myself!

Incidentally, that was the full answer to your question from the other day, whitewing about when I stopped going out. It is still difficult to talk about so took a few days to find the courage but perhaps sharing it might make me feel less ashamed. I don't feel any worse at least.

whitewing

I applaud your courage in posting.

You have mentioned incontinence a few times on this thread. Perhaps it would help some of the Thread Friends (aka Freds aka lurkers) if we have a more general discussion about it? Not necessarily you, but maybe general knowledge you have picked up on the subject? How people cope with it? What happens? Forgive my curiousity but as you mentioned it may have been a side effect then it must happen to others too.

(nb I am out this afternoon, probably, so if we don't respond to posts, that will be the only reason. Nothing you can say will make me not want to be on this thread.

Waves_and_Smiles

Sure, I don't mind at all if we do that. As I have said the newer anti-psychotics cause me to become incontinent. This happens because of the muscle relaxing properties, my muscles relax far too much. I would sense that I needed to go and urine would just flow out as there was no natural muscle tightness, to attempt to stop it I would have to tighten all of my pelvic muscles as hard as I could and then there would still be a dribble. It is a rare side effect but I am sure that other pills that relax your muscles could do the same. In fact, my GP avoided giving me muscle relaxants for my joint pain as it was possible the same thing would happen as I clearly have a sensitivity there.

The main thing I remember from it was the total embarrassment. In fact I carried on with the pills for 6 months without telling anyone. I sat on bin bags and towels and later ordered myself pads, I just couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I had nappy rash from constantly being wet. As soon as I was sectioned I knew it would be noticed so I quietly told a doctor who guessed the cause immediately and changed me back to my old medication. Within two days the incontinence had stopped entirely and I felt like an utter idiot that I had been too ashamed to tell anyone. Also, my psychosis improved considerably as the new type clearly don't work properly with me.

The thing is, these things do happen to more people than one realises and although you can feel very alone with it there could be a very simple cause as there was in my case that is quickly remedied. Occasionally now, I am incontinent during a psychotic/catatonic episode. This can be because I am not concious of my body enough to know I need to go or because I am that terrified at what I am seeing and hearing. I still find it embarrassing but my partner knows to slide pads underneath me just in case. Now I wouldn't hesitate to tell my GP if it became worse, I cannot believe I suffered in silence for 6 months.

I don't mind answering any questions about it, I know how terrible and ashamed it can make you feel. Also, if anyone would prefer to pm than write on the thread you are more than welcome to do so, there is no need to be embarrassed, I have bought several hundred t-shirts on embarrassing situations!

I love the name Freds, whitewing. I used to have a goldfish called Fred!

whitewing

Did you tell your partner about the bus episode at the time?

Waves_and_Smiles

Funnily enough he still doesn't know. My best friend knows but I felt too embarrassed to tell him at the time. I only told my best friend a year ago, that is how ashamed I feel.

haybel19

WaS what a horrible woman! Ive had a baby and I can assure you that I couldn't sneeze or laugh for a very long time! In fact I had to go for extra wees as if my bladder got fuller there was more chance id dribble! I tried to laugh it off as a way of coping. I am quite sure if must be very common for all sorts of reasons including as you mention, medication.


Thankfully all ok now but I dare say if I have another baby I will have to ferociously do my pelvic floor exercises again...!


In fact I remember on a celebrity edition of Come Dine with Me Nichola Mclean who had had children actually had to go an change midway through the episode as she had laughed so had she had dribbled... she just laughed it off and said after 3 kids it was part and parcel.


Big hugs, and remember the bus incident says an awful lot about a very nasty women and is absolutely no reflection on you. Lots of people have reactions or side effects of medication be it rashes, swellings, heart burn you name it and that's exactly what it was. An unfortunate side effect and just like other types of side effects not something you could have any control over.


Be kind to yourself- remember you would be incredibly kind and supportive if that was one of us who had typed that- try and be kind to yourself to.

Pyxis

Gosh I really feel for you, WaS! What a horrible experience! I can empathise with it a little, because I have had a bit of an incontinence problem due to childbirth etc., and frequently had damp underwear etc. However, the only really wet situations occurred at home, because I left it too late to go to the loo, something I'd never normally do if out.
However, one day I was driving and needed to go, but there weren't any service stations. I knew I was wetting myself quite badly, but then saw a service station and pulled in. However, I had to go into the crowded paying area to ask where the loos were, as there were no signs. I didn't know if my jeans looked wet or not, although people were looking at me in what I perceived as being a strange way. And again, when I was on my way out.

The humiliation of that was bad enough, without it being what you went through. Total nightmare for you.

It's not happened since, though had a couple of near misses, and I always wore pads on journeys, just in case, and took loo stops I didn't really need, just in case.

However, I am now trying some medication which does seem to be helping, in that my bladder can get a lot, lot fuller before it does leak, and then only at home; I try and leave it as long as possible, at home, to retrain the bladder.

Anyway, I'm only telling you this to let you know you're not alone. And to say to others, don't let any doctor tell you, 'what do you expect at your age?', or 'it's down to the childbirth, put up with it.' There are things that can be tried, so insist on a referral.

Solarjunkie

It sounds to me that the WomanOnTheBus was a bit OCD herself, in the extreme cleanliness feeling. Having noticed your little accident, she was gabbling on to distance herself, her family, and anyone who lived in the same postcode, from ever doing anything so unplanned. Quite why she had to have a complete compassion bypass at the same time is a mystery. My guess is that by now, several years later, she will have had some experience of little leaks, either herself, or someone she knows, and hopefully will now wish she had handled the situation better at the time.
As ever, your insights will help others, your description of what is like being on the receiving end of overreacting comments, will make all your readers and admirers more careful when they next come across someone having a bit of a bad day.

BTW Haybel, are you sure you meant
"I tried to laugh it off as a way of coping."
which would seem to be a bit of a risky way to react! ;-) (from a mother with 2 very large babies.........)

haybel19

Solarjunkie wrote: »

It sounds to me that the WomanOnTheBus was a bit OCD herself, in the extreme cleanliness feeling. Having noticed your little accident, she was gabbling on to distance herself, her family, and anyone who lived in the same postcode, from ever doing anything so unplanned. Quite why she had to have a complete compassion bypass at the same time is a mystery. My guess is that by now, several years later, she will have had some experience of little leaks, either herself, or someone she knows, and hopefully will now wish she had handled the situation better at the time.
As ever, your insights will help others, your description of what is like being on the receiving end of overreacting comments, will make all your readers and admirers more careful when they next come across someone having a bit of a bad day.

BTW Haybel, are you sure you meant
"I tried to laugh it off as a way of coping."
which would seem to be a bit of a risky way to react! ;-) (from a mother with 2 very large babies.........)

Haha yes very good point!

jobbingmusician

Just popping in, about to play in half an hour (lots of notes, wish me luck!) Great discussion!

I haven't had kids so have no real excuse (but have had the odd sneeze....) However, on radio 4 recently they were saying that NO woman should have to put up with dribbles after childbirth, and everyone should moan until they get decent treatment from the NHS..........:(

I'll be back properly tomorrow, I promise! xxx