Just needed to be heard for a little while

haybel19

whitewing wrote: »

We've planted the amaryllis so I am looking forward to seeing that sprout.

We've also had a massive tidy up as the house was a tip.

I've pulled all DD's clothes out of her room and when DH gets home we will go through them to see what she has outgrown or what won't be suitable for next summer. It is so much easier to keep the house in order (and us relaxed) if we declutter little and often. It'll also mean we can identify of there is anything she wants for Christmas, clothes-wise, as some family members don't like to 'waste money' on toys.

DH is cooking Chinese for tea tonight so I am looking forward to that. Mmmm.Mmmm.

I declutter little and often too Whitewing- I have been doing some today as well found lots to ebay so also listing some bits.

oldestgnome

Happy Sunday all!


I find it really interesting reading about peoples triggers when it comes to watching TV/films/radio, thanks for sharing.


Amaryllis are so pretty, hope it is a double header!


Messedup - how did the tattoo session go yesterday?


I need to list some bits on ebay too Haybel


I've been doing a massive declutter session over the few months, I have been running down all the toiletries/freezer/store cupboard items as well as using up other household items and sorting out my clothes and pretty much everything else!

whitewing

Yes, it's a double header Ice Queen (white). I've only had red ones before.

I've found a lovely toy stable and set of horses on presents for men, that DD would love for Christmas. However, it is a lot of money (for me). But it would last years. Should I try and sell something to pay for it? Or should I just not buy it. She doesn't know about about it, so she wouldn't be disappointed. I can't find any discount codes. It is way too much money really. She is still at the quantity over quality stage. Oh dear me.

Talking of presents, I have some things that I need to wrap up.

Are you sorted for MIL's birthday, WaS?

Waves_and_Smiles

Good evening all!

Please tell Harry that I am thinking of him, Duke. I understand what Harry means. Loud noise starts my voices, too and the worse is several noises at once. If I am watching Doctor Who WaSp knows not to speak during it, if I try to make out his voice from the tv then it will trigger the voices. I can only cope with one noise at a time.

The triggers can be instant, whitewing but worse if I am already stressed. It makes tv very difficult because I never know what might trigger me-it could be a 5 second scene out of a whole film. Certainly anything involving death is likely to do it, as are characters in emotional distress. It is hard to describe but I immediately feel what I believe they do and then I can easily think that the situation happened to me. If I am having some good days I might get away with it but once it gets lodged in my brain it is very hard to remove it so I tend to avoid for the most part. I was doing great with Harry Potter until Snape died, then I somehow took that as meaning my evil caused others death and wondered if I had magic powers that caused others harm. It can last for a few hours if I am lucky but I have had the effects last for weeks before.

Even as a child this happened to an extent. One of my main OCD triggers came from watching tv when I was 7. English teachers used to love me because I could write extremely imaginative stories with a lot of emotional realism, what they didn't realise was I felt what the characters did and would cry when they were sad and be overjoyed when they were happy-I wrote what I felt and lived their lives. Even back then seeing something on tv would make me think it had really happened. My switch between reality and fantasy has always been broken (as my wonderful psychiatrist explained), it completely blurred for me even as a child. MPD is part of that, too because I spent most of the time living within my mind.

We have a fluffy dressing gown and a blanket for MIL ready to go. If I can (and I am not saying this too loudly or the voices will start ) I am going to visit her after the eye doctor tomorrow because I will already be out anyway. Crossing everything.

whitewing

*whispers* ooohh, that is fantastic, and if you are not online then we will be sending lots of kindly wishes to shield you from noises and other triggery things.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you! Right now the voices are mumbling about how I will find out that I am going blind at the eye doctor. Better they talk about that than what I have planned afterwards because I don't believe them anyway. WaSp is staying tonight because I have to be at the hospital at 8.30am so we are hoping to have lunch with MIL afterwards. It also means less driving for WaSp if I can manage it.

whitewing

Think how delighted MIL will be if you can manage it! Your friend was so delighted when you called her on her birthday.

Plus MiL doesn't know, does she, so if it doesn't work out she can't be disappointed.

I wish I could come and take you there with WaSp but I think that would scare you more than ever!

It's a big day tomorrow, that's why the voices are bonkers and telling you all sorts of rubbish. I honestly have -mostly- stopped worrying about things I can't control and life is so much more peaceful. It used to make me so cross when mh professionals said to me, worry about it when it happens. Now, I totally get that. (It doesn't negate the actual pain that I used to be in by any means - what I was feeling/thinking was excruitiating but now I understand that I can allow myself to relax and not 'save the world' every second of the day, and in doing so, I actually do far more good anyway).

ETA: I have finally got off my backside to switch energy suppliers.Long overdue. That will save me hundreds. Why didn't I do it sooner?

Waves_and_Smiles

I hope that I will be able to do that one day, whitewing. I catastrophise terribly, it takes me 30 seconds to imagine the worse case scenario and then dwell on it. Sometimes if I know WaSp is tired and driving I not only imagine him in accident, I picture going to the hospital to identify him, then how I would plan his funeral, then the actual funeral by which time I am in an awful state. Of course he comes home fine.

I do this with so many things even when there is very little chance of anything going wrong. I have already been through what if WaSp and I are in a car accident and die tomorrow. There would be no one to take care of MIL other than BIL who is incapable so then she might die too. It is utterly ridiculous, I wish that I could shut my thoughts off.

I am already anxious because I have to go out tomorrow. I know this because posts about trolls are triggering me. Not that I am nervous of them but what if people think I am one? My posts are extreme as they talk about my mental illness so some people might think that. What if people think that I am just attention-seeking? I would truly be horrified if that was the case because I have enough problems feeling real myself without other people thinking that I am not. Then there is a small doubt that maybe none of this is real and I am making it all up and have just convinced myself that it is real? Which is utterly ridiculous but this is how my mind is working right now. I think I need to avoid threads referring to trolls for a while...

oldestgnome

WaS - people do not think you are attention seeking. You only need to read this thread and all the positive comments from team WaS and they are just the people who are able to comment, there are also lurkers who are helped or increase their understanding of complex mental health issues due to you starting this thread. Have a look at the certificates and print outs of the messages from the regulars you have kept to help when you are feeling anxious...:)

whitewing

When my bpd was at its worse, I didn't feel real either. (Not that I felt like a ghost or anything, I guess insubstantial is the best way of describing it). Added to aspergic questioning of the point of anything, and it is easy to get downhearted.. Now I prefer to view it as a mystery that I don't need to solve.

I don't think you are a troll, WaS, nor do I think you are attention seeking. I have told you before, if anything bad ever does happen then people will help. People are generally very kind. If anything happened to WaSp, then we will help you with MIL and yourself. If anything happens to you, WaSp will let JM know and we will help him and MIL. We would do that for you. Even if we didn't, there will be people who will help. I have enough faith in the UK to truly believe that.

I have done the whole imagine the aftermath scenarios too, even to the point of real tears. What I never had the experience to do was imagine the comfort and good that coincides with it too. You need to believe in human angels as well as fairies.