Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so sorry you feel/felt that way, whitewing but I completely relate to it. I also need about 20 greats to one negative. No matter how much positivity is said to me I will focus on one tiny negative which feels like it ruins everything else. Then I will get annoyed with myself for doing so and dislike myself even more.

lostinrates

I don't feel able to discuss my personal experience with this subject.


Point for consideration.

Some people can handle and withdraw the 'constructive ' from criticism.

But does any body actually like it?

Waves_and_Smiles

That's a very good point, LIR and thinking about it probably not. It can be viewed as a path to self-improvement and therefore beneficial but it is still criticism which is very possible painful for everyone to various degrees.

Errata

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't feel able to discuss my personal experience with this subject.


Point for consideration.

Some people can handle and withdraw the 'constructive ' from criticism.

But does any body actually like it?

It depends on how it's given. eg "you've made a really good job of doing X, if you do it abc way you'll do an even better and quicker job." works for me.

DUKE

I'd say that most people wouldn't take criticism well at all, I see it as a personal attack on myself.

My nephew's a fireman. I used to try & get my toe stuck up the bath tap so I could be rescued

My knitting used to be so tight that I could never get it off my needles too LIR & WaS.

haybel19

Pyxis, Whitewing and WaS

I can relate to all of your comments I am the same. I cannot cope with criticism be it constructive or otherwise- and any negative comments at all are taken to heart and over analysed and take a lot for me to overcome.

I too find I need 20 positives to outweigh 1 negative and even then the 1 negative is likely to be the bit i actually remember.

Mine is due to a combination of anxiety, ocd, very low self esteem and low self confidence.

Huge big hugs to all.

Pyxis

DUKE wrote: »

My nephew's a fireman. I used to try & get my toe stuck up the bath tap so I could be rescued
.

:eek: but you'd be naked! :eek:
Maybe being stuck up a tree would be better! :rotfl: miaow!


Years ago I started an advanced drivers' course, which was on Saturday mornings. Your initial assessment meant that your driving was really pulled to pieces. Fair enough. But after three more sessions of this, I was a total wreck, because I wasn't told anything that I was actually doing right.
I didn't finish the course, partly because things cropped up on two Saturdays, a wedding and something else important, which didn't go down well with the course organisers, but also because by this time, I felt my driving had actually deteriorated and I didn't want the stress of failing the test.
It occurred to me that this might be a ploy; that the instructors have a policy of not praising your driving, to prevent you getting complacent. But I couldn't take it anymore, especially as I didn't really warm to the instructor and some of his comments were mildly misogynistic. It took me a long time to start enjoying driving again!

A few years later I attended a driving theory refresher course which my local authority were offering to over fifties. I was quite pleased with my own 'answers' to certain driving situations put to us. We were offered a free 2hour driving assessment, which I went for, but I made sure I chose one of the instructors who appeared to be kindly.

Now, although he didn't go over the top with praise, it was obvious he was very pleased with a lot of my driving, and the recommendations given were really just fine tuning. He then asked me if I'd consider doing the advanced test, as he thought it'd be no problem for me! I didn't tell him about my previous experience!

But it just goes to show that the wrong approach, even though for the 'right' reasons, can actually have the opposite effect to that desired!

haybel19

Pyxis wrote: »

But it just goes to show that the wrong approach, even though for the 'right' reasons, can actually have the opposite effect to that desired!

Totally agree with this- someone's approach makes all the difference to me too.

lostinrates

Errata wrote: »

It depends on how it's given. eg "you've made a really good job of doing X, if you do it abc way you'll do an even better and quicker job." works for me.

Hmm, I respectfully submit you are answering a different question, the one Pyxis pulls together so well in her tale. Delivery is important, but a different point to receipt. . Delivery can soften receipt, make it useful, even revelationary, but My guess might be that those who actually look forward to it, enjoy it and don't feel something not wholly positive are few, and indeed, might themselves suffer other issues, dunno, not my area at all, but I'd guess it was possible conclusion.

jobbingmusician

Big hugs to all!

My DH used to be an advanced driving instructor....nuff said