Just needed to be heard for a little while

lostinrates

oystercatcher wrote: »

A lot of it is a confidence thing I guess. I know what you mean and I'd love to be like the lady dressed in flame....but it just doesn't seem to work on me ! I was supposed to be the corporate wife with my first husband and couldn't cope with the social stuff. All part of the dreadful demise of that marriage ! Current husband is kind and lovely....but impotent, and that doesn't make me feel attractive either. We've reached stalemate on that one and it's become 'the elephant in the room' that is never discussed, our own personal penguin ! No more sumo wrestling here , not ever again [sob]

1. Has he been checked for a serious medical problem? (Stuff going on in prostate or whatever)

2. Our attractiveness is ours, not just to do with how men see us. My guess is the woman in flame would terrify most men ( or women) but was attractive to hERSELF. I think similarly rainbow hair is more a thing for ourselves than potential partners. My husband nods and smiles and tells me reassuringly but emphatically he likes my hair NOW.;). That's fine, I think its appropriate for now too, but if I make it I'll live it up later.

I even have make up I particularly wear when I want to feel attractive to me but not to men. Women get it, but very heterosexual men often don't. I don't do it any more ( because I don't need to, !) but every now and then fir grins as he knows my secrets ......well, most of them

3. There is the possibility of solo sumo. Its a far better activity than playing with an unsatisfactory partner IMO. But then, I like lots of forms of sumo, so....:D.

whitewing

Would he watch while you solo sumo'd?

Most of my boyfriends (not that many) had a lower sumo drive than me and it can be really disheartening. I would fantasise / read stories (don't like watching stuff particularly) and solo if necessary (even though I would never discuss solo'ing).

elsien

Gitdog giving his all to our training session, whilst on the subject of unenthusiastic men.

oystercatcher

lostinrates wrote: »

1. Has he been checked for a serious medical problem? (Stuff going on in prostate or whatever)

2. Our attractiveness is ours, not just to do with how men see us. My guess is the woman in flame would terrify most men ( or women) but was attractive to hERSELF. I think similarly rainbow hair is more a thing for ourselves than potential partners. My husband nods and smiles and tells me reassuringly but emphatically he likes my hair NOW.;). That's fine, I think its appropriate for now too, but if I make it I'll live it up later.

I even have make up I particularly wear when I want to feel attractive to me but not to men. Women get it, but very heterosexual men often don't. I don't do it any more ( because I don't need to, !) but every now and then fir grins as he knows my secrets ......well, most of them

3. There is the possibility of solo sumo. Its a far better activity than playing with an unsatisfactory partner IMO. But then, I like lots of forms of sumo, so....:D.

1. He won't , he is hugely overweight (but still attractive to me) which is partly the cause. There are also events in his past which contribute a lot to the emotional side, this thread isn't the place to discuss them .

2. Yes, a huge part is me and always has been but being ill and depressed and losing my career and having no personal income all impact on that self image and the means to improve it as well.

3. Well, yes, maybe, but it's not the same......there's 'something' missing !!

whitewing wrote: »

Would he watch while you solo sumo'd?

Nope, subject is just avoided. I think because we both have had histories of a bus e we're just not comfortable with that. When we were first married we managed a reasonable compromise although our drives have always been very different. he's just managed to gradually distance himself , he's very good at avoiding discussions he doesn't want to have.

I didn't just marry him for sumo sessions so it's not the be all and end all but it does have a huge effect on wellbeing.

oystercatcher

Awwww, dear Gitdog :rotfl:

Full-of Beans does tigger impressions when I try and train her. Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

codemonkey

DH has been oblivious to my desire to sumo lately because while I am football shaped, I am not actually a football. No wonder I fixate on inappropriate people I got into the ring with but didn't actually sumo.

I have been very brave today and signed up for not one but two work christmas parties.

codemonkey

elsien wrote: »

Gitdog giving his all to our training session, whilst on the subject of unenthusiastic men.

Aww gitdog is as good at sad face as dumbass dog.

elsien

codemonkey wrote: »

I have been very brave today and signed up for not one but two work christmas parties.

That is brave, go you. :beer:
That has been one of my positives about not working - I don't have any works Christmas parties to feel obliged to go to.

lostinrates

Oystercatcher I want to be very clear here, Like everything else on this thread no one should talk or feel encouraged to over share about anything beyond their boundaries. That includes all forms of sumo. . Don't let our good humour push your boundaries on this subject, ok?


Is kissing ( even on cheeks) and holding hands and hugging ok?

I think partly its a chicken and egg thing.

I feel very unattractive to me nowadays. But fir has never, ever let me feel unsexy to him. I can barely look in mirrors and hate buying clothes, ( I used to be quite vain tbh, and think I still am which is why I take the physical changes so hard) but I'm lucky that fir makes me feel attractive to him. I also still get other attention, rarely, but it happens, which frankly amazes me, but ...hey ho, there really are people drawn to all types.

I know even though fir is still attracted to me, when I make the effort he is really, really boosted by that. .

Yes, I'd not want no life without fir if there were no sumo ever. Our life is do much more than sumo. but I still think its worth making an effort for you. And the dogs. My dogs like seeing which scent I am wearing. One of the paying guest horses is most amazingly interested in my perfume. Especially if I change after wearing one for a while, she gets bored if I wear one for too long!

If every thing else seems too much ...too visible what about your favourite colour in the world on your toenails? Almost nobody else would know but you and your oh, and when you see them it could cheer you up.

I have some duplicates of varnish space nk sent me in an order, I cannot remember the colours, a bright pink I think, not sure of the others....I'd glad ly send you one so you could have happy toenails. I know jobbing musician is very busy, but when her move is over if you like we could do it via her so you are only giving your address to a board guide ( I'll cover all postage though)

codemonkey

elsien wrote: »

That is brave, go you. :beer:
That has been one of my positives about not working - I don't have any works Christmas parties to feel obliged to go to.

Normally I wouldn't go but you lot have inspired me to try scary things. If WaS can go to the beach, I can have lunch.

It will be my first year unable to drink so that might be interesting...