Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

My partner was the flatmate of my university friends. We were close friends for a year before getting together and got on so well that everyone guessed that we would end up together before we even thought of it. It made the transition into a relationship very easy, we just sort of drifted into it when we both wondered why on earth we were dating other people when we were so close so there was no initial awkwardness at all.

No, my MIL didn't go to hospital, my BIL just took her home. She landed flat on her face so has a lot of cuts and bruising and is very stiff today. There doesn't seem to be any severe injuries but it was very scary for her and she is very underweight so the slightest knock hurts her a lot. She is saying she won't go out again now and I really hope she changes her mind and it is just shock.

Schizophrenia is rarer in women but it still happens. You won't tend to meet most schizophrenics as like me they have problems with going out and if they do manage it very few will admit to having it. Some can work for at least short periods but the majority are unable to do so and feel a lot worse than me. I am very high-functioning believe it or not, in that I am aware of my illness and can usually spot the symptoms and get myself help if I need to. A lot of people cannot do that and believe what they see and hear to be real so are very withdrawn and reclusive. The suicide rate is also very high because people just get so tired of trying to battle it, honestly it is exhausting having to question every thought and action and also terrifying for many people who hallucinate. Older schizophrenics are quite hard to find and rarely living independently. I have made promises that I won't take my own life though, so even on bad days I somehow get through it. No matter what happens I will never break a promise.

Waves_and_Smiles

On the subject of hoarding I actually know why I hoard. When I was growing up my mother (and slightly my father) would give inanimate objects personalities. I can remember being 3 and puncturing a blow-up doll, there were innocent ones then, to see what happened. My dad sat the doll on his lap and said that I had killed it as I watched it flatten. It is one of my earliest memories.

My mother would tell me everything had a personality and was alive. For example I caught a sponge in a drawer once and she said to me "Ow,ow the little sponge is hurting, you shut it inside and caused it pain!" If I stopped playing with a toy for a while she would hold it and tell me that it was sad that it wasn't loved anymore. There were many incidences like this and it conditioned me emotionally to think all things could be hurt by me. Of course I do not believe that rationally but I emotionally recall the feelings when I discard anything and immediately feel absolutely terrible. It is interesting and horrible how small comments can completely influence a child negatively into adulthood.

whitewing

Do you know why your mother used to tell you that? Did she believe it herself or was it a control thing?

Waves_and_Smiles

I am not sure. My mother didn't hoard at all, quite the opposite. She may have had some belief in it herself, she was unmedicated and untreated by her own choice so it is very hard to judge what she really believed. I would say it happened at least weekly, even when I didn't finish my dinner she would say that the food left behind felt sad because it had died for no reason. I always had weight problems as I couldn't leave anything on a plate or in a packet for later as again, I would feel awful. These influences are why I feel guilt over almost everything now, it was my primary emotion as a child. I grew up thinking that I hurt everything.

KT2802

So happy to see your new name waves and smiles It really suits you and I am so pleased to hear about the positive effect it has had for you.

Loved those pictures of the waves too - the sea is beautiful.

It's very sad to hear how you were treated as a child WaS. I am still in awe of how well you manage everything.

I hope you're sleep improves really soon dibuzz. It must be really hard for you.

How did you get on at your friends house last night lost in rates?

Thanks for sharing your experiences too whitewing. I love this thread, it is so helpful and informative. It helps me to feel less alone with my problems and difficulties too.

Pyxis

Hiya WaS!
Well, have spent the whole day sorting out rotas and now have charts before the eyes! Doing stuff like that means I have to over-focus, which turns my brain to jelly, eventually! If only it were all finished, but it's not! Still, made a start, so hopefully the rest won't be so bad!

This is such a lovely thread, you know! Everybody is so nice and friendly to each other, and kind, and helpful. Some threads turn nasty, but this one never will, because the people on it are so insightful and mindful of the other person. It's a joy to visit it, and for that we have YOU to thank, WaS!

Pyxis

Look! Look! A wave and a smile!

Pyxis

And some more smiles!

jobbingmusician

Phew, I am back*! I'd say I'm washed out but that has negative connotations although it might be the last of the seaside puns - I'm very tired, and still catching up, so will post properly tomorrow.

Or rather, I am Bach Did some TOTALLY AMAZING cantatas this weekend - I can't believe how many great Bach cantatas there are!

lostinrates

Kt2082, thank you for asking, it went super well. Bit of a panic when the non alcoholic drink I'd been enjoying my second glass of turned out to be very lightly alcoholic after all, but I had no reaction. Thank goodness. DH had not been drinking either, so he could drive (he usually prefers to drink nothing at all when he drives) but also to keep me company, ( though I'm happy to be the sole non drinker). The drink tasted non alcoholic but DH, drinking faster than me noticed on the bottle when he refilled his own glass that while it was deceptive it was low alcohol so he thinks we were both well under the limit and everything, but moved us quietly on to water!

We had a lovely time , the people were really lovely, I'm really glad I went. I'm going to get back in the habit of saying yes more than no. I said yes today to an invitation in August for something I'd normally say 'no' to not because I'm keen to go, but because I'm keen to try and do more again!