Just needed to be heard for a little while

jobbingmusician

Also, I can't help feeling that in an alternate universe your teacher friend has just posted this on his Facebook.

WaS has started a thread on MoneySavingAlien and has loads of new friends. This is obviously the beginning of the end - she won't want my friendship any more.

(And yes, I feel like that about friends of friends as well. I think we all do.)

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Plus it stirred up feelings of the fcat that everyone else my age is all grown up, proper jobs, their own places, settling down, getting married and having kids. Where as i have a a part time job, live in a houseshare and now don't even have a relationship, so i feel very inadequate when i compare myself with others

You have your freedom! No ties! If you wanted to, you could up and off at a moment's notice! You're not trapped in a boring-as-hell job that you can't leave because of the swingeing mortgage you have to pay! You can go out whenever you want to!
Seriously, though, looking at other people's lives from the outside is fatal. They may be loathing their job, or stuck in a relationship they can't get out of, or having huge difficulties bringing up their children. They may be worried sick by negative equity or the threat of mortgage interest rising.
And as for being all grown up - bah! to being grown up!

All those things will happen for you, but don't be in a rush to precipitate them, 'cos that's when mistakes happen. I was a 'late starter', too! And there are still loads of things I haven't done yet!

elsien

Don't knock the part time job and having time to live your life. At the moment I'm seriously looking into whether I can go part time to improve my quality of life and still pay the bills. I know it's a bit different if you don't have much choice and feel like you're getting nowhere, but make the most of the extra time off the treadmill while you can.
I worked part time for years and felt that compared to high flying siblings I was the useless one in the family. I didn't go down the full time mortgage route till my early thirties - could have done it earlier but I decided holidays were more my thing. Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean everyone has to.

Waves_and_Smiles

*Sneaks back into the thread looking sheepish*

Other people feel like that,too? Really? Why didn't anyone tell me this? I have been hanging myself all day about what a terrible friend I am and how pathetic my reaction was. It's all based on my low self-esteem, I don't feel worthy of anyone's friendship and if people see me as a friend I consider myself very lucky and am always waiting for the luck to run out. It's as if eventually people will see the 'truth' about me and realise what a horrid person I am and I think it will happen faster if people have someone to compare me to who is similar in some way. In my teacher friends case it is compounded by the fact that he was her teacher, too and has a job she loves and is sort of following in his footsteps. Meanwhile, I am here messing up how to make a cup of tea...

I do feel better that it isn't just me who feels it. I have been rescued by Team WaS again! Thank you all so much, I feel less weird and selfish now.

elsien

I, of course, am the most boring person imaginable and can't understand why the friends I do have continue to hang around.

We all have odd hang-ups about daft things. We just don't all admit them out loud.

elsien

I have a general mental health question about depression, if that's ok? Just out of curiosity, that's all. Not sure if it'll be a penguin for anyone.

I suppose if you've had previous episodes, you know the signs and what to look out for. I guess I'm thinking more about people who haven't been ill before or alternatively have not being diagnosed. How do you know that you need help - do you recognise it yourself or is it the people around you telling you? Or more to the point, when does general malaise/can't be arsed maybe due to a specific situation slide into something more serious that stops you functioning properly?

whitewing

WaS, nobody tells you because we don't always know what's normal and what isn't ourselves. Plus, we didn't know what was bothering you.

I'd be tempted to advise you that everything you think is 'normal' but a bit more extreme than most people in similar situations, and that you have bigger effects that may influence subsequent reactions. And that you drag in unrelated subjects (eg tea making) to beat yourself up further.

You're great! Stop being ashamed at what you haven't achieved. I used to do that. I was gifted at school, but struggled badly with mh conditions. I have always been really embarrassed about not achieving the life I 'should' have in terms of career, money and success. Then earlier this year, DH (who works with me) got shortlisted for a high paying job. He didn't get the job but it was a massive achievement as it had hundreds of applicants. It changed how I felt about the last decade or so. (Whereas I was actually half-expecting to have a recurrence of suicidal thoughts because it would have meant he wouldn't be able to continue working with me and would be meeting new colleagues).

System

elsien

That's a difficult question to answer. Mainly due to the fact i've had the depressive feelins since i was 11, so more than half my life. To be honest i can't remember life pre-depression. I think it was picked up on by a friend after she found out i was self harming (sorry if thas penguiny information), i thought everyone felt/thought like i did, it took an outside pov to make me think hang on a second, this isn't how i'm supposed to feel.

I think you do have to realise it for yourself though. Its difficult when i have seen people i care about exhibt all the classic signs and feelings i've felt myself but they've not been willing to accept that maybe they aren't feeling too well.

whitewing

elsien wrote: »

I have a general mental health question about depression, if that's ok? Just out of curiosity, that's all. Not sure if it'll be a penguin for anyone.

I suppose if you've had previous episodes, you know the signs and what to look out for. I guess I'm thinking more about people who haven't been ill before or alternatively have not being diagnosed. How do you know that you need help - do you recognise it yourself or is it the people around you telling you? Or more to the point, when does general malaise/can't be arsed maybe due to a specific situation slide into something more serious that stops you functioning properly?

I think, for me even though I've had it before, it is people around telling me, either because they care about me or because I am making life difficult for myself and others. It can seem normal and logical to me.

Now, and this will sound silly, but if I start reading too much of the Daily Mail I can recognise that I am starting to normalise my thinking because I will start getting hooked on stories about suicides. Not to copy them but because I identify with the pain.

When I was in the grips of untreated pnd, we took a family holiday to Brighton. I really wanted to visit Beachy Head, as I'd read so much about it. I didn't dare mention it to DH. But he wasn't aware of the history. So, he suggested we go there. I was astonished that 1) there were loads of happy people walking and picnicking and 2) there was not an eroded path to the edge of the cliff.

I thought everyone felt like me. I don't tend to cry in front of people so can hide it.

The GP can do questionnaires and that can help determine if it is normal sadness or something more persistent.

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin!

Elsien for me it has been what you describe, when I begin not to function. People rarely spot my depression because I am very adept at putting on a face for the world, at the most extreme example I met friends in a pub (to say goodbye but they didn't know that) when I had been steadily overdosing all day. No one knew anything was wrong at all.



I find I become lethargic and my nightmares increase. Then there is a general feeling of losing enthusiasm for anything. I find it hard to wash and tidy up and will isolate myself, I eat less because I am never hungry, I stop using the internet and sit with my eyes closed a lot and like being asleep. I may not spot it at this stage but I am getting better at doing so. Eventually I'll literally feel as if I am under a heavy black cloud, moving feels harder, my thoughts become foggier and there doesn't feel like a point to anything no matter what happens. It isn't sadness because that still has energy, my depression has no energy at all, even to think about why I am feeling that way. What I do manage to do is just going through the motions with little thought and everything feels dull and pointless and as if the situation will never change. I find I have a lot of suicidal thoughts but they aren't energetic ones, no imagining dramatic attempts or sad goodbyes or anything like that. Just thinking of ways to slip away quietly, alone. Also my anxiety and self-harm stops oddly enough, that takes energy and emotion for me and I don't have any. There isn't any real emotions there, no happy, sad, angry or anything. Just continuing dull, nothingness and an overwhelming feeling that it will carry on forever and that it is impossible to escape the emptiness that I feel. By this stage I will spot it for sure and get myself to the doctors (usually) but it is better to catch it earlier as it takes far longer for treatment to work at this point.