Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Remember I bought a faerie door for my skirting-board? WaSp now has a habit of walking past it and clapping his hands together and saying "Yep, got another one!" See what I have to put up with?

When you get your antique gnome, make sure you teach him the art of WaSp-baiting! (Get the fishing one, then he can keep casting his line so that it gets caught in WaSp's trousers! )

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha good idea, Pyxis! I am told that the procedure with faeries is to knock them unconscious with a hand clap as soon as they come out of the door and quickly pin them by the wings into an album! The man is mean! ( and thoroughly enjoys my screaming in horror).

jobbingmusician

I think Mr JM would get on really well with WaSP - same SOH!

WaS - I have a DVD of Gnomeo and Juliet, which is quite entertaining - full of puns. Would you like it? Having a clear out, and it's just been watched twice - I think you would enjoy it!

Reason for clear out is rather a long story. I was ripped off a few years ago by a rogue builder, which means that we've been living in squalor for rather a long time (no floor down in main living area, for example). I've finally grasped the nettle and had an architect round today. He thinks it's possible that we won't even have to move out while the work is done (Probably unlikely, but it's cheered me up for the time being!) We will, however, have to be stricter about throwing things out......

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, I would love it, JM! Thank you for thinking of me! It sounds funny and non-triggery which doesn't apply to a lot these days!

Good news on the house if you don't need to move out while work is being done, Floor is good, you need floor! I have cleared out so much that I have 5 empty shelves in The cupboard of Done and they freak me out. I can't cope with empty! I need to find useful things to at least put one item on each shelf, having said that the Boxes of Untold Mystery under the bed will probably supply that. (Where is my passport?)

whitewing

You will get used to empty. When I started dehoarding, empty made me feel awful. Now I love it.

Waves_and_Smiles

I hope so, whitewing! It makes me feel insecure and exposed to have empty space? As if people/things can get at me and hurt me? It is completely irrational but makes me understand more why I fill as many surfaces and cupboards as I can.

whitewing

I used to be the same, especially as a teenager, and all over the floor.

But I can assure you that you will grow to embrace it. Much easier to keep the place tidy and see what you need to do.

Waves_and_Smiles

I was the same as a teenager. I did all of the housework so kept most areas of the flat neat and tidy apart from my room which was total chaos. It made me feel secure to be able to retreat into a huge mess, protected somehow? I don't fully understand it but somewhere along the line clutter came to mean security.

That has got me thinking, actually. When my hoarding was at it's worse and it took environmental health to declare my house inhabitable and tidy it up even things like tin cans and old newspapers made me feel safe. I had empty cans everywhere and just thinking of throwing one away caused tremendous anxiety, as if I was making myself vulnerable. I had black mould growing in the sink on unwashed plates and I liked it, everything felt full and safe. WaSp couldn't do a thing as I would scream and cry pull my hair out in clumps and cut myself if he so much as tried to clean anything, the threat of a clean environment equalled complete terror and a feeling of invasion to me.

I did have CBT for that with the therapist coming into my home and talking me through putting things in the bin over a period of months and as a result I no longer hoard rubbish but there is still a brief panic even at throwing away food packaging. Once it makes it to the bin the panic stops and I forget about it but the act of just disposing of something is still very scary.

Washing myself used to be the same so I had CBT for that, too. I remember seeing dirt on my arms and feeling safe, to remove it made me feel exposed and I didn't wash any part of me for 6 months at my worse. I simply couldn't, I was terrified to be clean. Fortunately my carer helps me shower everyday so I can't avoid it but at weekends I often need prompting (nagging) from WaSp to shower and it isn't something that I can let go of even for a day because if I break the routine I easily slip back into avoidance and panic.

Clean and tidy has always meant vulnerable and exposed to hurt to me, dirt and clutter are like a suit of armour. I no longer allow this to take control but the emotions are all still there. However, show home clean also causes anxiety and panic and is more obviously OCD related (although my therapist felt both extremes were related to it, both were me trying to control my safety and environment).

During CBT we also discovered that I also have problems stopping how much I clean. Once we had reached a point where I was showering daily I found that I couldn't stand the thought of being contaminated with dirt and would bathe with bleach in the water several times a day, my skin was raw. Also, once my kitchen was clean I would be constantly bleaching everything, and becoming hysterical with WaSp if he so much as left a breadcrumb. We eventually found a balance between keeping me and the house clean but stopping me from cleaning anything more than once a day no matter how dirty it was which took months of following a rota and a lot of anxiety. I still find it hard to stick to that now, the urge is always to slip into one direction or the other and the ordinary cleaning that many people seem to manage is still very scary to me.

I still think that without daily prompting I would have problems again, the fear is still there if anything breaks the routine. I was told that my OCD will never go away, the urges will always be there and it is up to me to keep on top of them. Another little tip was to let the small compulsions go so that I have something small to obsess about rather than the more damaging ones and touch wood, it's working so far. I will never be entirely free of it, but I am slowly learning not to let it control me.

Pyxis

Oh JM!, no wonder you didn't mind being in a tent! It must have seemed like a palace!

WaS, better tell WaSp to mind his fairy Ps and Qs! Doesn't he know what will happen if the Fairy Queen gets wind of his anti-fairy talk! Shudder! :eek:, wouldn't want to be in his shoes! :eek:

Regarding the 5 empty shelves,, I'm sure you'll find useful things to properly store on them, when you open the BUMs (!!)

Here's an idea for allocating roles to the shelves:-
1) Household Accounts/bills/medical papers/official papers

2) The Study shelf, for everything to do with your new studies.

3) Books and photos/pictures

4) Tools and implements.

5) Useful household things and small appliances, etc.

It would also be useful to label the shelves, once you've chosen the function of each, to prevent spillover. If a shelf gets full, that's the time to de-clutter it!

lostinrates

jobbingmusician wrote: »

I think Mr JM would get on really well with WaSP - same SOH!

WaS - I have a DVD of Gnomeo and Juliet, which is quite entertaining - full of puns. Would you like it? Having a clear out, and it's just been watched twice - I think you would enjoy it!

Reason for clear out is rather a long story. I was ripped off a few years ago by a rogue builder, which means that we've been living in squalor for rather a long time (no floor down in main living area, for example). I've finally grasped the nettle and had an architect round today. He thinks it's possible that we won't even have to move out while the work is done (Probably unlikely, but it's cheered me up for the time being!) We will, however, have to be stricter about throwing things out......

Hello.

We don't have floors in our refurbished bit yet either . ( kitchen /main but we are in in the day/study) or the 'garden room' ( which is meant to be the dining room one day but is where the dogs sleep ATM) and our bedroom, landing and bathroom floor Is full of HUGE holes, foot size ones!

We are still enthusiastic, most of the time, to see it as an adventure. I'll feel better when the back door is on, because we haven't had one of those for a few years now, and the doors in side are set with an allowance of 70mm for floor finishes, and mice just wander in. While it keeps the kiwi dog and the cats very entertained it does mean I am on constant mouse patrol .