Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

When I took early retirement ten years ago, my friend sent me a card with 'welcome to the seven day weekend' on it and I thought it was a very apt user name for a retired person.

I absolutely agree! Trouble is, seven days in a week isn't enough to fit everything in!

whitewing

It is a glorious morning here. Going for a picnic later and to see an old friend.

lostinrates

I told some one doing some heavy work for us that I'd move some plants this morning but I don't feel able, so I'm going to let him down. Hate doing that.

Remembered al my pills including the one for the mood this morning . Cannot believe how quickly I responded initially to it and what impact it has in a day. Quite shocked really. Here I was thinking I was over the hump!

whitewing

I normally take my anti-d in the morning. The other day I was out and forgot to take it before I went. I am on a relatively low dose but by the time we came back, it was very noticeable to me that I hadn't taken it.

whitewing

Hope all is well, WaS and you've caught up on some sleep..

Talking of which, how are you doing, dibuzz? Are you okay?

Waves_and_Smiles

Good afternoon everyone and a big hello to seven-day-weekend, how kind of you to post! I am so glad that you are finding the thread helpful but sorry to hear about your friends experiences and your husbands intrusive thoughts.

Drifting into other worlds is very scary, I find for me the hardest thing is that I know that it is happening and I am terrified that I won't make it back to this one so I fight it. I have been advised to try and keep calm and observe the worlds as they flow as impartially as I can to reduce anxiety but I confess that I hardly ever manage it. So I fight it which increases my anxiety and may actually prolong the experience.

Intrusive thoughts are my nemesis! Every night before going to sleep I have at least two hours of them. I replay everything that I have ever felt ashamed of, many bad experiences and find myself worrying endlessly about the future. I have got some relief through the use of visualisation. I either put the thoughts in a pretty box (they are still a part of me so I don't treat them badly) and place them on a shelf in a bunker underground. Or I bundle them up in a bag attached to piece of string and throw them out into the universe and watch then disappear behind the stars and planets. This can usually give me relief for an hour or so. There are other techniques like shouting Stop at them or imagining a wall coming down between you and them, those are the therapeutic techniques but I find my own ones far more effective.

Well, going to sleep was hard but I had a CD made by partner with various wave and rain sounds that helped a lot. There is a small improvement in the anxiety today so we are heading in the right direction although more slowly than usual. I almost think a lot of it is shock at how bad that episode was, compounded by the fact that I was alone. Usually I would recognise that it was happening and slip into catatonia knowing that my partner was here with me. On this occasion I had to fight it because being catatonic alone would be very dangerous so my anxiety was far worse than it normally is as I struggled to focus. I am still terrified of having another episode which I need to get over because as I posted they happen every few weeks.

One thing that stands out is as elsien said I really need to get a list of strategies laid out for what to do when this happens if I am alone. It was pretty naive of me not to do it before because it was bound to happen eventually. When I am feeling better I will asking here if anyone can help me think of ways to cope next time (the law of averages says there will be a next time) if no one would mind? I know the therapeutic techniques but as I have said sometimes people who aren't trained can come up with ones that are far more inventive.

I still have pains in my right side but as I am not yellow and still alive so I think I can rule out liver failure. It is most likely my spinal problem radiating pain to the front of my body which is what my doctor diagnosed 6 months ago. Of course, I forget about that whilst in a panic attack and immediately leap on the thought that I am dying.

I notice I am still struggling to take my medication although I am taking it. I almost feel like a child having a tantrum at medication times, I don't want to take the nasty pills and I want to be defiant. So there is still some psychosis around which means I am monitoring my thoughts even more closely than normal right now. It is very common especially with Schizophrenia to stop medication when psychotic, it seems to be something shared by everyone with it. Of course, that makes you much worse very quickly and is a very bad idea. So I shall try to keep calm today, watch my thoughts and take my medication even if I want to flush the lot down the toilet and hang in here for a bit longer. It is a waiting game now.

My best friend and teacher friend want me to go to hospital but there is little point and I would be taking up time and resources. Even if I was sectioned I would be following the same routine I am now, increase the anti-psychotic and wait for the chemicals to right themselves again. I would go if I thought it would help but I would be just taking up bed from someone in crisis who needs it more, there is honestly nothing they could do for me that is different to what I am already doing.

Just for the sake of interest when I have agreed to a 28 day section I have always ended up feeling extremely guilty. Yes, I have been a mess when I have been admitted but after 10 days of a medication adjustment I am absolutely fine with another 2 and half weeks to go. The last time I was leaving the hospital for 5 hours a day, they knew it was pointless me just sitting there when I was stable so let me go and do whatever I wanted while we waited for the 28 days to be up. Plus with the catatonia I cannot just sit around or I will slip into other worlds so they were more than happy for me to get out and about and do anything that kept me active. My consultant turned up at day 14 and said is there actually anything wrong with this lady? One one occasion I was bored and wide awake at 12am so I chipped in with nurses and we all ordered a curry and sat chatting. The therapy sessions were voluntary for me because I have had so much therapy and knew most of it, I ended up attending the relaxation class in the end. It is a huge waste of a bed and of everyone's time whilst we wait it out to the end of the section date.

Thank you so much to everyone for checking on me and staying with me through this, I appreciate it far more than I can say.

metalswan

Hi, just delurking to send love and warm hugs or handshakes to WaS and team WaS.
Am reading along when not at work (I work odd shift patterns so may be missing for a few days then be here a lot for a few days) and am absolutely amazed and delighted at the love compassion and support on this thread. I am so glad you started it WaS, plus I've learned so much!:A

I have had mental health problems myself from early adolescence and still continuing. I did not know until I read this thread that it is not normal to have intrusive thoughts, intrusive flashes/pictures of disturbing images, compulsion to self harm, suicidal thoughts! It now makes sense why I don't appeaar to function like other people, I thought everyone else was just better at controlling or ignoring it and that fed my low self-esteem. I have bouts of severe clinical depression too and whilst sometimes there is a trigger/cause, at other times I don't know why it has happened.

I find it very hard to write about this as I haven't told anyone in real life apart from my lovely husband knows some of it. I also struggle with anxiety and one of the triggers is writing things down which others will read (then I percieve I will be judged:() I am struggling today to write this (am shaking and sweating so much it is running down my sides) but if WaS can be brave, so can I:)

If it's ok to ask a question, WaS do you feel that you learned people were dangerous to you (and sadly had this reinforced many times over) so you subconciously found ways to avoid them and maybe now in this lovely safe thread you are starting to re-learn that you can trust people?

Having ongoing technical problems at home so can read and thank posts but have to come to a library to post and with reduced opening hours here it is really tricky to achieve around my shifts but I want to post more often if I am able and if that's ok with everyone. Might seem a bit hit and miss which is why I wanted to explain so no-one worries or wonders what's going on.

Hope WaS and Dibuzz have had a lovely rest and big thank you's to everyone who shares and cares here. :A Have tried out some of the tips and suggestions and some are helping, thank you you are all angels!

love and peace xx

lostinrates

Do you think that things we are talking about are making things worse, WaS?

Can YOU penguin sooner?

lostinrates

Hi metalswan. Welcome no expectations or requirements, just lots of welcome.

metalswan

Aw thank you LIR

While I have a few minutes left at the library, a tip for distraction which sometimes works for me is to peel an orange. Sounds daft I know but the time it takes to concentrate on what you're doing and then the lovely scent just seems to break the train of thought enough. Actually didn't WaS say she liked the smell of oranges?

I'm sorry so many people are having a tough time at the moment but I'm really glad WaS started this thread so people have some company and support. It really does make a difference when someone else "gets it".


love and peace xx