Just needed to be heard for a little while

jobbingmusician

:wave:*waves to messedup and to anyone else who may be lurking and sharing our experiences*

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you Pyxis. I do like to think that the thread is helping someone. On many ocassions in the past when feeling very bad I have scanned the internet looking for evidence that someone, somewhere is going through what I am. What I mostly found was medical posts saying how to deal with it plus the odd post by people who had been through it talking about what helped. Although helpful, they weren't what I wanted. I wanted to see the experiences laid out as they happened so I could see someone going through the terror and psychosis that I was and it coming to an end. I wanted a completely human post from someone saying I feel terrible and this happened, and then this so that I could see that I wasn't the only one.

As I said the problem with a lot of psychotic disorders is you forget a lot of it once the psychosis passes. So someone might remember that they felt afraid and panicky and confused, but they won't remember the specifics. One thing I have tried to do in this thread is record exactly how distressing it is as it happens, I can't even remember half the worlds I have written about in my own posts now, it is just a blur. It is also very good for me personally to have a record, it makes it much easier to explain to my psychiatrist how I have been rather than saying there was psychosis at times and I felt afraid.

Waves_and_Smiles

I have a flask and straws! Ok, I will do that, too and get him to leave it by the side of the bed. One of the things I was doing last night was trying to do something different. When I had panic attacks in the past I used to find making changes got me out of the cycle of panic. Be that sitting on the doorstep and watching cars go by or even changing the furniture layout by turning the sofa around. Anything that breaks the repeating cycle helps me.

I spent a lot of the first hour curled up in bed in the dark trying to breathe which was actually the wrong move because I had no other focus but my body and thoughts. It has been so long since I have had a panic attack that I am only just starting to remember the techniques I used to use (and my memory is a disaster at the best of times).

Pyxis

WaS, here is a youtube video/sound of waves, the sea. Nothing else. You don't have to watch the video, you can just listen to the sounds, but the video is only of the sea, waves on rocks, waves on a sandy beach, etc, etc. it is 4 hours long, but you can watch/listen to sections of it.
It may be a useful tool for you to focus on, when you feel scared or alone. After all, your sister waves will be kind to you, won't they!


https://m.youtube.com/watch?src_vid=dsDTJ__jioo&v=isVl5XIiVNU&annotation_id=annotation_193985&feature=iv

P.s. It seems to take rather a long time to load, so don't be put off by that!

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, wonderful, Pyxis! I have been looking for something that went on for ages for the two hours after going to bed when the intrusive thoughts creep in. I used to have a two hour rain recording which I sadly lost but waves are just as good! I shall listen to that before I sleep tonight. Thank you!

whitewing

Could your DP download some to CD for you so you can just put the CD in and not search for things?

Waves_and_Smiles

Even better idea! I do tend to avoid searching on youtube as it inevitably links to something distressing. I am much better when people give me a link. I have just asked my partner to make a CD up for me and he will try to do it before I go to bed.

whitewing

Get him to put the plainchant on from earlier in the thread.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oooh, yes good idea again!

oldestgnome

The plainchant is lovely to listen to