Just needed to be heard for a little while

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I wasn't sure whether to post last night or not even though I desperately wanted to. I never want to make people afraid for me because I can largely cope with my illnesses, as I have said I have never been involuntarily sectioned, I have been able to get myself help at the last moment everytime and request what I need.

That doesn't take away from how bad last night was, though. I was truly terrified at the time of writing and it was a very long night indeed. But today is better and I managed to get through it without alarming my partner, MIL or taking up valuable A&E time so I think we can say that was a small victory!

Firstly given how awful you felt, that wasn't a small victory, that was a huge victory. Give yourself a bit more credit than that!

Secondly, although it's a real shame there was no-one else around to answer you, please don't not post in case you make people worry. We'd be far more worried if it suddenly went all quiet on the western front. You being able to post when you're struggling, if you find it helps to do that, is far more important because it supports you and it also gives us more idea of what you're going through so that we can maybe be there for you in a better way should it happen again.
Your first "don't panic" message was fine. So also give yourself credit for thinking of us before yourself when you were struggling so much.

JM - that was the great part of my job, a manager who was still on shift half the time so I got to do the nice bits as well. And still get sworn at a lot, to keep me in my place.

lostinrates

What about looking at some picture of the sea?

I like to imagine I am on a boat drifting in gentle water sometimes, gentle waves, slow waves, and that I can breath in for a number of lapping waves, say four, and out for four, softly and calmly filling my lungs , drifting, safely, quietly, out of all harms way.

elsien

Would it help to have a plan in case of various eventualities? Rationalise what might happen and what you will/can do about it. That might be a terrible idea and might make you feel worse, I just wondered if it might help you to regain a feeling of control?

whitewing

Have you got your candles lit, WaS? I think they have helped you before.

ETA: I am not at work tomorrow (Thurs). I am happy to get up at 4am and do a 4am - 7am shift on your thread, if it will help being as these are exceptional circumstances and I know you can usually manage on your own.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you elsien. I have a thing (you may have noticed!) about causing people any kind of upset and I know that what I post sometimes can look extreme. It did help a lot to post, I find just if I can get things out of my mind onto somewhere where people will eventually see it, it helps a lot. Sitting with my thoughts spiralling in my head is very bad for me.

That's a thought, LIR! I always find the sea comforting so imagining that should give me some relief. If I can time it with breathing exercises even better. Thank you!

I do have my candles lit which are giving off a gentle light and scent which also helps.

I was thinking elsien that now it has finally occurred I need a plan in place for what to do when this happens when I am alone. I never bothered working one out as I have always had company for 8 years but it was a bad move in hindsight because eventually it was bound to happen. My partner and I have a plan for what to do when he is here but nothing just for me which left me floundering last night and randomly trying anything which didn't work as my mind was jumping around so things just got worse. About all I had as concrete was call an ambulance if it became unmanageable which was very good but useless when trying to deal with it before it reached that point!

I think today I am just very shaken up by the experience, hence the waves of panic.

whitewing

I will repeat this as you may not have seen it if you were writing a reply to a number of posts:

I am not at work tomorrow (Thurs). I am happy to get up at 4am and do a 4am - 7am shift on your thread, if it will help being as these are exceptional circumstances and I know you can usually manage on your own.

whitewing

From http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-halt-and-minimize-panic-attacks/0005992

Use ice cubes. This technique can help you divert your attention away from a panic attack, especially if you’re in the throes of a particularly intense attack. Take out an ice cube and hold it to your hand for as long as you can (you can put the cube in a paper towel). Then, place the ice cube on your other hand. This focuses your mind on the discomfort, de-escalating your symptoms.

Waves_and_Smiles

Awww, whitewing I don't expect you to do that! Chances are I will be fine tonight, well I am not fine now but in comparison I will be a lot better! I intend to take my final dose of medication plus a bit extra at 2am and go to bed then while my partner is still here. With any luck that will get me past the two hour wait to go to sleep and then the medication should keep me asleep until my carer arrives or my partner gets back, whichever happens first. He made me laugh earlier because he said the plan is to turf the poor woman out of bed (his words!) make her breakfast while she showers, help her dress then shoot out of the door and get back here. All being well he should be back by 10am.

That really is beyond kind of you but you don't need to do that, I am sure I will be fine for the short time I am alone, after last night it is kind of hard to think of how it couldn't be better!

Waves_and_Smiles

I hadn't thought of ice cubes for panic! It is a technique used to attempt to prevent self-harm but that is the first time I have ever heard it applied to that. Thank you, I will try it.

lostinrates

My alarm is set for six ( when I do birds and dogs ATM)

I will check in then. And one else up we can have a morning cup of whatever we drink in the morning together.


How is Dibuzz??