Just needed to be heard for a little while

oldestgnome

Afternoon all, glad you've been able to update us WaS that you were able to take your medication and keep yourself safe.

I find your post open, honest and really gives me an insight into how you feel and react to how you feel. Your posts are an amazing resource that is not generally available for people like me to comprehend.

Pug leggings? Whatever next

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, yay! That makes me feel better, JM. Thank you.I know what you mean because when I was managing I spent most of my time in the office in the residential home and often thought this isn't the reason why I got into this field, what I loved was working with people. So I would toss all of my paperwork to one side and go out and help someone cook a meal or just chat to them. That was what I loved, not making sure the files were up to date and the petty cash balanced. Sadly if you are good at your job you often end up getting promoted up and out of the bits that drew you to it in the first place and you don't realise until you take on the position that there is almost no time left for interaction.

Aw, thank you oldestgnome. I wasn't sure whether to post last night or not even though I desperately wanted to. I never want to make people afraid for me because I can largely cope with my illnesses, as I have said I have never been involuntarily sectioned, I have been able to get myself help at the last moment everytime and request what I need.

That doesn't take away from how bad last night was, though. I was truly terrified at the time of writing and it was a very long night indeed. But today is better and I managed to get through it without alarming my partner, MIL or taking up valuable A&E time so I think we can say that was a small victory!

lostinrates

Its not wasting time to get medical help.

Does your area have out of hours doctors? Some times they have time slots in which they make home visits. I know someone in your space is scary, but they are probably Pug approved.


Funny day here. Lots of vision disturbance and headache. Got little things done, ( I tidied the kitchen, did a couple of washes) but for the first time since I started the anti d's I feel perhaps a little ...not quite d, but.....maybe just frustrated.


I have to buy a dress to go to a social event and I'm a bit frustrated and low self esteemy about buying a dress when I don't feel good and also how/ if I'll get there. That probably isn't helping.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am sorry today isn't too great, LIR. Even with Anti-d's I still get iffy days sometimes so I know how it feels. Can you buy the dress when you feel a bit better or is it urgent?

I find on iffy days lots of naps work, ok so it's avoidance but sometimes it helps! The usual trying to do something nice for oneself can also help.

We do have out of hours doctors which I was also intending on calling if things got much worse. My main concern was not calling my partner because for a start he was a long way away and my MIL has anxiety issues and would have totally freaked out. The poor man would then have been stuck between two women who needed him to be with them and honestly I am a lot more capable of getting myself outside help than my MIL who is terrified of hospitals, doctors, carers and anyone in the health professions frankly.

whitewing

I would have been worried by your post had I not trusted you when you said you would be okay and be back this afternoon.

I am glad you posted it because it shows you trust us too. It's insightful, and it also helps me because some of my reactions to things are similar to yours.

I think you handled a horrible situation brilliantly.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you, whitewing. Even if I had got myself to hospital and been sectioned I would have used my phone to post that I was ok. I don't want to worry anyone.

I am glad that it helped, I know there aren't many resources available of people with complex mental illnesses describing what episodes are like for them as they happen, usually it is only when people are well again that they recount what it was like and the psychosis makes you forget a lot of it afterwards.

I read back on some of the posts here that I made during or shortly after an episode and it seems like someone else wrote them. As the psychosis recedes it takes a lot of the memories with it and it just feels like a dream you once had.

lostinrates

was, is your teacher friend near by, for emergencies?

Waves_and_Smiles

He lives about 260 miles away! and my best friend obviously can't get here from California either. I am unfortunately located as where I lived before I was walking distance from a hospital and a police station and I have taken myself to both when things are bad. Now I am about 5 miles from a hospital which I would never manage so the only option is an ambulance. I need a close friend who lives nearer but with the whole never going out thing that is pretty much impossible to find.

I have often thought that there is a charity opportunity for someone to create a system of buddies like they have for the AA where you can call and meet with someone 24 hours a day if you are in crisis. In my case I don't often need medical attention, I just need someone to hold my hand until it's over.

whitewing

Would you be able to call the duty worker of your mental health team?

Or, could you call The Samaritans? I wouldn't necessarily advise that for someone in a mh crisis but you do understand what is happening and can communicate well so you could probably get to calm down without panicking them. (I wonder if the Samaritans log calls on a computer system that you could give a reference number for so that they could access info on you quickly if you did call).

lostinrates

Maybe jobbing musician knows of something that might be worth looking into?

I don't think you should reveal where you are because its against board rules and you are vulnerable, but its frustrating that one or two of us might be close.


Just realised I forgot morning pills, Could it make that much difference I noticed in a day? Wow. Now I feel very held together by pills.


WaS, I need to start thinking about the dress, because it's going to be a nightmare. At one point today I thought 'I'll make it' then realised I wanted to look good, so went back to online shopping. Its quite a sober environment and a function I'll be going as dh's guest, so I'll be buying. Dress that's 'not very me' which I wouldn't mind, I love the whole 'costume' thing of women's clothes, but when the impact when I put it on is going to be disappointing it feels disappointing. I have shoes that will go with most things ( but I think DH might need new evening shoes).

I found one dress but I think its too loud, a bit too relaxed, and ......rather expensive. But at least I'd wear it again.