Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

MIL is CofE and attends church weekly. I am already thinking that she will have a lot of religious friends there who will tell me that they will pray for me, somehow I need to get through that without staring at them in horror or having a full-blown panic attack. Conversation about her being in Heaven isn't great either as I was told I had no hope of ever getting there. The last thing I want is to stand out in anyway at her funeral, fainting in the pews would be my worse nightmare.
I do thing speaking to the vicar first might be a good idea so that he can at least give me an idea of what to expect.

lostinrates

'Pray for you' is warm hugs or handshake with knobs on in their terms. Can you think of it like that?

Heaven stuff......well.....if you believe it.....who says your mother g/mother was right on this one? Were they right elsewhere in life?


Here is my take on parenting.....feel free to ignore, my issues are different and less traumatic.

What they said /did they were responsible for until I was 16/18 ish. After that how much I chose to keep with me/what I do is MY responsibility. Hang ups I chose to keep from that time become my issues not theirs. Its not that I deny they impact or are part of the creation of me, but that now, as an adult, how I chose to take them on, maintain them or eradicate them is MY control. You cannot undo things or eradicate them, but I have made them as a small a part of my life as possible.

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

The last thing I want is to stand out in anyway at her funeral, fainting in the pews would be my worse nightmare.
I do thing speaking to the vicar first might be a good idea so that he can at least give me an idea of what to expect.

Depends also if MIL is likely to have the church service first, or having a service at the crematorium. I tend to lurk at the back, having had to shoot out of a couple of funerals through getting upset. Although I don't actually think many people noticed I'd gone. If you can sit at the end of a pew by a side aisle it's much easier to escape without causing a fuss.
And you don't have to stay and talk to anyone. At my grandmothers funeral which my father was organising, as I had no wish to talk to him I stayed inside till he was busy glad handing everyone else then walked past round the back of the queue and out. I didn't go to the family wake either, my siblings and I had our own little gathering at the pub instead. And I don't care what people thought - my grandmother knew we loved her and that's all that counts. The way I look at it is that the funeral is there for the mourners as the deceased is well past caring. So each mourner needs to do what is best for them as long as it's not causing huge upset to anyone else. It's about you saying goodbye in your own way. Nothing more.

whitewing

https://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/funerals.aspx

There is no reason why you and DP (if it is the right time to suggest it), can't plan the funeral in advance. Bear in mind, things may not go completely to plan.

ETA; Most people I know wrote in the cards or say, 'You are in our thoughts and prayers' rather than 'I'll pray for you'. You just need to say, Thank you, or even just a slight nod at them. No one will expect you to talk too much and if they do ask a question, no one will mind if you can't say a word. People are used to all sorts at funerals.

lostinrates

all a bit premature though eh?

Time for a penguin maybe?

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you, I really do appreciate the help and understanding, people's viewpoints do help me see things different ways and my view to prayer is gradually changing.

Perhaps a baby penguin, LIR? Small, grey fuzzy one? I am ok with talking about things for the most part but don't want to push myself too far all at once as it is such a triggery subject. So if no one minds we will leave it there for now, no doubt I shall bring it up again in the future.

elsien

Well to have a complete change of subject, has anyone else noticed how much procrastinating it is possible to do by being so busy making lists that you don't have time to actually do anything?
I now have a phone call list, an urgent list, an indoor job list and an outdoor job list. And a job hunting list. And have I done anything on any of the lists? Have I heck. :rotfl:

lostinrates

Too many lists,

Now you need to take those lists and put a few on a list for tomorrow.

A doable number.

elsien

Noooooo. Then I'd have to do something and I've been successfully avoiding some of these jobs for weeks.
I think my lists are my equivalent of the CoGA!

haybel19

lostinrates wrote: »

all a bit premature though eh?

Time for a penguin maybe?

Thank you I quite agree regarding the penguin. I logged on read the last posts first and wondered what on earth I had missed... and was about to offer condolences then read further back and realised thankfully nothing un toward had happened.

As WaS finds religion and leaving the house difficult and would naturally be very upset anyway should this event occur I feel that gettting as far as planning funerals is a bit too much. Of course WaS may be quite happy with the course the conversation has taken but as an outsider......