Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

I managed 10 minutes on Skype. I am now shaking like a leaf, feel physically sick from anxiety and have bad voices screaming at me. I am layering duct tape over the webcam again. But my friend was so touched that she cried. It was worth it.

Pyxis

Oh WaS! Well done! Jolly well done! Just think how happy you've made your friend! That's fantastic! :T





Good luck to little SNP for his op! A greenplasticstringectomy!

jobbingmusician

Yes, that's brilliant. Soooo well done!

Tell the voices that are shouting bad things at you that you have friends on tinternet shouting GOOD things at you for being so brave and such a good friend! :T:T:T:T:T

Let's hear it, Team WaS

Hip hip hooray*!
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!

*Confession. I was not allowed to say this, at school. Hurray was supposed to be vulgar. We had to say hurrah!

oldestgnome

Your friend will know exactly how hard using Skype was for you and will appreciate the bravery and love you showed in using it WaS :T:T
WaS - though I often read a thread unless I have something specific to say I don't comment as I worry about wasting other peoples time (if that makes any sense). Does using the thanks button help you to know that people are reading even if they are not specifically commenting at that point? Or can this work the other way? Would appreciate any thoughts you have to guide me getting the most from your thread

Pyxis wrote: »

Good luck to little SNP for his op! A greenplasticstringectomy!

This did make me smile Pyxis, hope you have a great time in Italy.


a few shades of Turquiose just for you

whitewing

Very, very well done with the skype call. Turquoise wishes to you. That birthday breakfast sounds great but we'll have to stick to our bacon rolls this morning.

Do the voices ever say anything nice? Or is it only nasty?

jobbingmusician

Thinking of you this morning, and hoping all the bad effects of skyping have now gone ((((()))))

globetraveller

I know someone who has some things similar to you. She wouldn't leave the house and couldn't cope with anyone other than immediate family in the house. She has lots of other things such as having to wash her cutlery and dishes herself and nobody should touch them. She was in her house for years like you- only venturing out for appointments. Nothing seemed to work. Then it happened. The hospital started up a group for similar people. Gradually each member met each member of the group. This took a while. Then there were sessions with the whole group. This led onto a walk in the gardens outside, a walk down the road,,,, small steps till the day they had to go in to a supermarket to buy one item. Finally they all went for a meal out. She is not cured but does now have coping strategies.
Finally, the most amazing thing- she enrolled in to a drama course!! She says it is what she needs to help cope- she can be someone else, someone more confident. I have to admit that I had thought this just would not work but thankfully I am wrong. She still struggles but she is able to get out and about now and is enjoying life now.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you for the wonderful messages! My friend can't stop saying how happy she was to 'see' me yesterday and how proud she is of me, I am so glad that I did it. Last night I couldn't go near the laptop again and I am wary of it today but I can't develop a phobia or my world will be even smaller so I am forcing myself to be online. I came on to lovely turquoise and so much support though that I feel a bit better already.

Oh, oldestgnome, thanks are fine! I have felt very bad about saying what I did, I don't want anyone to feel that they are obligated to read and must acknowledge me. Honestly, it is my insecurities and I don't expect people to pander to them. Thank you so much for being concerned for me, it means so much that people care.

Whitewing, there are two sets of voices. There are those from the inner world who are all nice, if a little hysterical at times. They can 'call me' to go into the inner world and visit them if they wish to, these all have physical appearances and are all ages and genders. I don't know how many there are as some reappear after years for a short while but I would say there are 8 regulars. They all live in a house and live pretty much like us, they eat, sleep, have fun and generally have ordinary lives. Something I have discovered while writing here is that the little girl, Lucee likes me to write about her. She says it means she feels real and she wants people to know she exists. As these people are all reflections of me I take that to mean that I like writing about my others as it makes me feel more real and I want to people to know that I exist.

Then there are the 6 voices that I cannot see in my mind. They do not say anything nice, often mock and laugh at me and tell me to hurt myself and how everyone just pretends to like me when actually I don't deserve anyone to care. They often discuss how awful I am with each other, and converse about times when anything bad or embarrassing has happened to me and laugh about it. I recognise some of the disembodied voices (my mother is there) but I have no idea who some are.

There is also a third voice whom I call The Recorder. She makes a commentary of everything I do as if it is part of novel. For example she just said "<name> typed about the third voice, The Recorder." She is always slightly there and I can listen to her if I wish, she narrates every aspect of my life. She never deviates from her recording and has no emotions as far as I know, she also won't/can't speak to me as an individual. Sometimes it drives me insane but other times she can be a soothing rhythm in the background.

That is great news globetraveller! I am so happy for your friend. Funnily enough drama was something I was exceptionally good at, to the point of considering for a future career. It was incredibly easy to become someone else and do so convincingly. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my therapist stopped me from pursuing it. She told me there was too much of a risk that I would lose myself in the characters and not be able to get back to me. It did disappoint me at the time as the only time I had confidence was when I was being someone else but I also see her point.

Waves_and_Smiles

A couple of points with regard to the voices. The nice ones have always been with me, I can remember Cas reassuring me when I was crying on my first day of school. The bad voices came shortly before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It is quite possible that they exist due to two separate conditions. The nice ones are very similar to Multiple Personality Disorder which is not a mental illness but a coping strategy used by very young children who believe they cannot be rescued by the real world and that they will die if no one saves them. Sexual abuse of a young child is the most common reason for this to happen, put simply it is the only way a child can cope with what is happening, they believe that they are someone else, that the abuse is not happening to them personally and that there are people who can save them. MPD does not occur after the age of 6, by then children are more socially aware and can think of other sources to help them or at least can picture themselves as an adult and free, they see a future. It only develops in a very young child who truly believes that there is no way out and once the strategy is put into place it stays into adulthood. Standing back from myself, I feel sorry for little me that she was that afraid and felt so helpless.

The bad voices are common with schizophrenia. I have been diagnosed with both, then another psychiatrist has said they are the same thing, then another says it is one or the other. No one knows for sure but I go along with the theory that one is MPD and one is schizophrenia, that feels right to me. Neither can be treated with talking therapy any further (the therapy I did have helped with MPD a lot), without triggering the other along with even more co-morbid conditions so I have learnt to live with them all. The nice ones have been my comfort and have literally saved me from holding bad memories and emotions (they hold painful memories that I have forgotten entirely which I have then checked out and what they remember did happen), and the bad ones seem to be symptoms of an illness and nothing more. Now if only I could believe that when things are bad...

jobbingmusician

It's very interesting that Lucee likes being written about and that it makes her feel more real. We've all encouraged you to share your inner child, and my inner child has paid a visit this week as well, encouraging me to buy the little pugs and to share them virtually on this thread. All very healthy, I think And especially for you, as you have so much childhood to catch up on.

Tell the 'bad' voices from me that they are talking rubbish, and simply repeating things that damaging adults around you told you when you were growing up. The weller you get, the more you'll be confident that those voices AREN'T you, and AREN'T speaking the truth.


Grrr - where's that hug smilie gone? Oh well, have a :rudolf: instead! :rotfl: