Just needed to be heard for a little while

lostinrates

Just a warning I might drop out a bit ...

I pushed myself very hard last week, and at the weekend. I have already fallen asleep a few times, but I expect to give up fighting tomorrow if my body asks I'm going to let it go for it....so if I'm not here I'm ok, just sleeping. I want to meet some friends on Thursday, so I need the recovery time between.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, LIR do rest. I will miss you but I totally understand. Take as much as you need, we will all be here when you come back. If you don't pop on before then I hope that you have a lovely time with your friends.

elsien

Catch up with things LIR, and we'll see you whenever.
I'm just looking out of the window and debating whether the odd gray cloud is likely drop some rain, or whether I need to get my bum in gear with the watering can. I have a lot of pots with flowers and also have to grow my veggies in pots due to soil contamination so it's hard work when it's hot.
What's the weather like your way WaS? Have you ever tried growing herbs or anything in your flat on window sills or in window boxes?

whitewing

You fit here just brilliantly. That is how I regained contact with the world initially. I still don't interact in a real life situation as well as I do with the typed words. I got told a few weeks ago by a customer that I was not 'warm'. They told me out of the blue and it hurt because it was so unexpected, but I also know that it wasn't fully down to me, it was them as well. The world did not end. It doesn't hurt any more. It is something I need to do something about at some point, but there is no rush and I only dwell on it to be more aware.

I used to be so afraid that I would react badly to criticism or negativity that it would be catastrophic. Now I know it's okay not to have ready answers.

You can learn. It reminded me of DD in the park yesterday. She made friends with another girl and they had great fun popping out from behind the climbing frame and shouting BOO at each other. Then the girl went home and a few minutes later another girl turned up. DD said, I wonder if she will be my friend? So, I said to her that she could say, Hello, my name is X. What is your name?

DD hung around the play equipment for a bit, quite close but obviously hovering. The girl was younger than her. All of a sudden, DD climbs up the apparatus and shouts BOO! Not the best way to make a new friend. (But they did have a good play together eventually).

WaS, you will feel isolated if you rarely leave the flat. And when you do leave, it will feel very strange. Experience will change your perception though. You can start by spending some time each day looking out of the window at people. Notice them. Don't analyse them. Find something to like about each person.

Waves_and_Smiles

I used to grow chilli peppers quite successfully! I should get back into growing herbs again because I really enjoyed it. I would love a garden (with a very high fence).

You seem a really warm and funny person, whitewing. I can see how what was said, said more about the customer than you. I learnt at work how to appear a lot more confident than I am. With my doctors I tend to overcompensate and act very bubbly, one called me vivacious once! Of course, in reality I am shaking in my boots and very shy but I can cover it for short periods of time. After about 20 minutes though it crumbles and I start shaking and becoming distressed so it is only a temporary fix, I used to be able to sustain it for far longer.

Your DD sounds adorable and so open and friendly. I love how children can just make friends and I wish that I could have been like that as a child. I had no contact with other children before school and had no idea how to play with them, I fully see why they thought that I was strange. I love watching children play now, there is something so free about it.

I have been looking out of the window today! There is an event at the Hindu Temple and everyone is wearing the most beautiful clothes. It is hot but overcast so I am hoping it doesn't rain on them, they have a band too!

whitewing

The main point is that for her making friends is something that she is learning how to do. She is an observer. There is another girl we know, younger than DD, and it all comes very naturally to her - even as a young baby, she got eye contact and smiles within half a second of someone entering the room. DD would know they were there but would seem more aloof. So we are making an effort to teach her enough that she can feel comfortable interacting with new people of all ages.

As you get better, you will pick up strategies that work for you. Not everybody has to like you.

dibuzz

elsien wrote: »

Btw Dibuzz, you've not got off scot-free, we're still waiting for the something nice about yourself.

I can't think of anything

whitewing

In your whole life, what has someone else complimented you on?

Waves_and_Smiles

That is a wonderful attitude. I always mixed mostly with adults so was always very comfortable around new ones but had no idea how to interact with children. Some people struggle with interaction more than others but I do believe that it can be taught if it is started at an early age.

The liking me is an interesting one. Rationally I know that everyone can't like everyone, there are people that I don't particularly like. But anytime someone doesn't like me I immediately take it that it is because something is very horrid about me rather than we are just not compatible and blame myself for it, I struggle a lot with criticism which is related to the Borderline Personality Disorder. That is one that I really do need to work on.

whitewing

I have bpd too.