Just needed to be heard for a little while

whitewing

dibuzz wrote: »

That's something I find very difficult too. I had to write a list of good things about me for my PWP and really struggled with it, I could only think of negative things.

Think of something you like about another relative then and see if it is a feature that you share. You can also fish for compliments from family. dibuzz, you can't get out of this now....

Waves_and_Smiles

My mother had the same as I do now from the age of 24 (a year before I developed everything), Lupus, Hashimotos Disease and Addisons Disease plus type one diabetes (I was born with hypoglycaemia but not diabetes). Mental health issues aside pregnancy was always going to be very difficult for her as it would have been for me. She didn't want children but refused contraception of any kind hence it kept happening eventually resulting in me. She spent most of her pregnancy in hospital because it was such a risk to both our health and I was born early because they couldn't wait any longer.

I do have a photograph of my Polish great grandfather who is the spitting image of my dad, they look like the same man and I also look very like him so that could certainly be a base for an artist.

I think my mother had an idea about my dad's affairs. She used to comment with my grandmother that he would do things for other women and not her. This was dismissed by them both because he was a <insert last name here> and therefore a stranger and not family which is what they used to call me, too. Anyone not related by blood to them was a stranger and expected to do horrid things and that later passed to me. They had a huge resentment for my dad's family and anyone who wasn't closely related to them, it was a real them against the world attitude. A lot of their hatred towards me came from the fact that I so like my dad and later they outright told me that I was typical of him and as unwanted by them as he and his family were.

My grandmother and mother thought that they were very beautiful! Again, I looked like my dad which was a huge insult to them. Quite honestly, my dad was seen as a provider and not much else to them, they often made disparaging remarks about him but forgave him because he couldn't help it as he wasn't one of them. They would have been even more horrified if they knew the ordinary activities and family visiting I did with him while my mother was in hospital. My dad could speak German and Polish. I picked some of it up from him but I understand more than I speak. He also knew some Indian (not sure which dialect) as he grew up there until he was 11 while his dad was serving in the Army.

I love the idea of growing watercress, I really like plants! I have a money tree that I have been nursing for years, they take a long time to grow but I adore my little plant.

I shall have a little party for my birthday this year, what a lovely idea. I don't normally do anything and it just drifts past but this year I shall make the effort. It isn't until November so I have some planning time yet but I do like the idea of buffet food.

I shall also do the fashion show but my partner is so nice he tells me that I am pretty in anything. If I just brush my hair he tells me I am pretty. He is a very sweet man and although we jokingly trade insults he is never short of compliments for me. One of the few things in life I don't doubt is that he loves me very much. He makes it very obvious.

Ok something nice. I like my eye colour.

elsien

There are a fair few bits of me I don't like if looked at in isolation. But when put together, I like them because they're me, and I'm comfortable with me.
Does that count as something nice? I like me, with all my odd shaped bits.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, it does elsien and that is how I wish that I could view myself.

whitewing

[QUOTE=elsien;66119711_I_like_me.[/QUOTE]

That is our best answer!

Waves_and_Smiles

Agreed, whitewing! It sums everything up!

elsien

But I could also come up with a huge list of things about me I don't like. My nose is too big, my ears stick out, my smile is lopsided. Maybe you need to stop looking at your perception of the wonky bits and see the whole package. Which is you, with all you have to offer.
BTW your looks sound like the sort that get catwalk models paid a fortune. Striking, maybe not the norm but definitely not ugly.

whitewing

Were you mum and grandmother beautiful?

I guess that will be difficult for you to answer. Ask DP to look at the photo of your mother and answer. Ask him also how coloured his answer is in hatred of what she did to you.

ETA: add on your (very) long term list that you need to pose for an artist again. (The point of the long term list is things you may do, not things you definitely will do. But I have redone one or two things in the past couple of years that were also associated with some bad memories. It did give me an insight into how difficult my life had been then, and I could understand that was not my fault. It also gave me the enjoyment of having had the experience as something life-enhancing).

whitewing

elsien wrote: »

But I could also come up with a huge list of things about me I don't like. My nose is too big, my ears stick out, my smile is lopsided. Maybe you need to stop looking at your perception of the wonky bits and see the whole package. Which is you, with all you have to offer.
BTW your looks sound like the sort that get catwalk models paid a fortune. Striking, maybe not the norm but definitely not ugly.

There was a girl at my uni with a lopsided smile and all the males were crazy about her. (I was jealous but I wouldn't have been able to admit it to myself).

Waves_and_Smiles

My mother and grandmother looked like sisters and were very pretty and quite different to how I looked. Round faces, little nose and mouth, dark brown round eyes and dark, straight hair. I picked up almost none of their facial features although they did have very big boobs which I did inherit. They were also quite small, my grandmother was 5 ft and my mother 5 ft 2. All in all they looked delicate. I got my dad's family's height at 5'7 and I am also quite broad shouldered with clearly defined bones, not delicate at all.