Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Good morning all!

Reply to possible hoarding penguin

In my case I feel fear and tremendous guilt when I throw things away. Absolute terror that I am about to be exposed (think similar feeling to being without my blanket outside), and huge guilt that I am throwing something away that it isn't useful to me anymore. I anthropomorphise objects (even old tin cans) and thoughts pass through my mind of them feeling overwhelmed with grief and sadness and fear that they are being discarded. In my case this is a projection of how I felt as a child when I felt unwanted and discarded.

On the point of how you cannot see what is around you, I find that sentence itself sums it up, in the end I simply don't see the mess. If objects stay around me for a while I 'forget' that they are there, my mind just closes them out. This is partly an avoidance thing and also because it feels normal to me to have things around me. Even now when it is under control my instinct is to put a tissue for example, on the sofa next to me and not in the bin.

Because I also have OCD I find I always have to have things a little messy. The reason for this is if everything is tidy I then swing to an extreme in the other direction. I cannot bear a speck of dirt and it scares me. I bleach everything including myself constantly, a bread crumb will cause me a huge panic and I will image fungus growing where it was and infecting me. This is equally as damaging to me as hoarding is.

Also, a lot of my feelings are down to conditioning from childhood to adult. My mother had OCD and would freak out at a bread crumb, too. I took over the housework as a child and had to keep the house to an almost clinical standard. If it wasn't she would be angry with me, hit me and sob hysterically so I was terrified of anything untidy. At the same time she would tell me objects cried when they weren't wanted and forgotten, that inanimate objects had feelings and wanted to be loved, that I could cause them pain by neglecting them. Two opposite viewpoints that were ingrained in me daily for years and years.

So I constantly juggle between hoarding and obsessive cleaning, it isn't easy!

End penguin!

greenval

Thanks all,it is good to feel that you are not the only one in certain situations and to gain some insight.

System

Trying to think of positives for the day, well everyday really. So my two for today are:

1. I got a signed copy of the new album for one of the bands i love (and they favourited my tweet about it on twitter)

2. I've just booked a ticket for a festival this year. Still trying to convince Beau to come along to but even if he doesn't go i have other friends going so will still have an awesome time. I have my own ways of coping with the crowds. My trick is to go down the side, you can get close to the stage but if i get panicky i can easily make a quick exit to calm down. Plus i'm getting better at controlling my panic attacks so even if i did have one i'd be ok (and the welfare tent there are usually lovely and happy to let you sit there and calm down)

elsien

I've missed quite a lot over the last couple of days - will have to start way back and work my way forwards.
I remember Mr Trebus, Duke. I remember that even when he went into residential care he started accumulating the cutlery etc.
MU - well done for booking the festival tickets. Is it a day thing or a camping one? I have some very fond memories of Glastonbury donkey's years back when it was far smaller. I don't think I'd cope with the crowds nowadays - I don't get panic attacks, I just get crowd rage when I keep getting jostled and start muttering bad things at people.

My good news for today is that ill abroad relative is ready to be brought home, as soon as they can find a hospital bed here for him. Even though the insurance are being great, it does make you wonder how people cope financially when they have to pay up front and claim it back - he's been there for a month which is a lot of hotel bills etc for his wife.

System

elsien wrote: »

I've missed quite a lot over the last couple of days - will have to start way back and work my way forwards.
I remember Mr Trebus, Duke. I remember that even when he went into residential care he started accumulating the cutlery etc.
MU - well done for booking the festival tickets. Is it a day thing or a camping one? I have some very fond memories of Glastonbury donkey's years back when it was far smaller. I don't think I'd cope with the crowds nowadays - I don't get panic attacks, I just get crowd rage when I keep getting jostled and start muttering bad things at people.

My good news for today is that ill abroad relative is ready to be brought home, as soon as they can find a hospital bed here for him. Even though the insurance are being great, it does make you wonder how people cope financially when they have to pay up front and claim it back - he's been there for a month which is a lot of hotel bills etc for his wife.

Glad your relative can come home, must be scary being aborad and being ill

Its for the full weekend...5 days in a field! I bought an amazinf 4 na tent last year so will have lots of space!

elsien

I'm jealous, not only a 5 day weekend, but one with music and friends. Why can't they all be like that, and solve that Monday feeling for once and for all?

System

I'm lucky i don;t tend to get that monday feeling as my shifts vary so much and i was off today. Everyday has potential to be a Monday feeling lol.

There are so many bands i'm looking forward to seeing, and its basically u holiday for the year I just hope the weather is as nice as last year and not like the great washout that was 2012! How i didn't end up swimming back that year i don;t know!

I've got 2 weeks of work left, then 2 weeks off, then abut 3 weeks of work and another week off! I had to use up my 3 weeks holiday before march. Trying to make plans so i dont go stir crazy...

also WaS! When you appear, i've just got a new sherbet lemon flavour e liquid and it tastess just like sherbet lemons! would be willing to get you one to try if you would like to

elsien

I am economising with the heating so have had a very sad Gitdog gazing at my blanket for the last hour. I finally cave in and invite him up. Cue a flying leap from the other side of the room. I now have a Gitdog shaped dent in my solar plexus, and have lost the ability to breathe.

I always thought it would be good to be spontaneous (and cheap) to have weekends away camping, just to get away for a couple of days, however none of my animals have been camping friendly. And possibly not in March either. I'm a fair weather camper. Do you go camping other than at festivals?

System

elsien wrote: »

I am economising with the heating so have had a very sad Gitdog gazing at my blanket for the last hour. I finally cave in and invite him up. Cue a flying leap from the other side of the room. I now have a Gitdog shaped dent in my solar plexus, and have lost the ability to breathe.

I always thought it would be good to be spontaneous (and cheap) to have weekends away camping, just to get away for a couple of days, however none of my animals have been camping friendly. And possibly not in March either. I'm a fair weather camper. Do you go camping other than at festivals?

aww bless gitdog

i went camping once ti scarborough with friends, that was a fun weekend. i'd love to got more often its just getting the time off work (namely weekends which are rare as hens teeth in retail). Now you mention camping i'm half tempted to take myself away for the weekend somehere random

Gingernutty

Two things

1st. It's my birthday tomorrow! :eek: I'm 47!! :eek: :eek:

How did that happen? :eek: :eek: :eek:

I've got nothing to do, no treats or presents to myself and no real plans.

2nd. A dilemma. Today I went to Stoke. How's that for glamour? :rotfl:

On my travels to Newcastle-under-Lyme, I went hunting for CDs. I found a double compilation album of TV ad music that I'd been looking for, looked for scratches, found none and bought it. 99p. Bargain. :beer:

However, on getting it home and going to play it, I found the 1st CD was the correct one and Disc 2 belonged to a Corrs compilation.

Do I

a) Indulge my perfectionist nature, spend another £20 (on a 99p CD) travelling back to see if they have the second CD in the Corrs compilation box and swap them round?

I quite liked the day out and it would give me something to do for my birthday - I really, really like this CD compilation. I know.

or

b) Just give it up as a bad job and send it all for recycling?

WaS, great news about your volunteer offer!