Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I have had some fried rice and redone my blondie bits that I have been meaning to do for about 3 weeks go me

:T :T Well done, Mellymoo!

tea_lover wrote: »

Why are there so many mondays compared to the amount of fridays we get??

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I know it's not fair.
It's the same as there are more 8 am's than 4.30's

:think: are there the same number of Wednesdays as Tuesdays or Thursdays?

greenval

I hope people don't think I'm just making light of a serious problem but.... I'm not a hoarder nor am I minimalist and the house is always pretty clean and tidy, so why do programmes about hoarding turn me neurotic about cleaning and tidying for a week?!
I watched one or two 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners ' episodes but had to stop as they seemed to trigger some weird anxiety in me

whitewing

Fear of being judged?

greenval

Whitewing, thank you! It's obvious now you've said it. My Mum was VERY houseproud and even though my house is 'normal' it would never have been up to her standards. It's one of those difficult things, Mum died two years ago, I loved her and miss her but don't miss her comments on certain things.

codemonkey

Here's my take on the penguin. It's very personal so please be gentle

For the first four or five years of my life, I was taught to take care of my things. Especially my books. I've always loved books. Then my family started having loads of kids and dumping them on my parents. At any given point there could be 10 or 11 of us, living in a 3 bed house. I never quite knew who I'd be sharing my single bed with next. When I got to about 10 or 11, the adults would lock themselves away in the kitchen and smoke so much it poured through the cracks in the door and leave me to look after the kids - sometimes 10 of them. It was chaotic.

On top of that, the child my parents were bringing up for my sister (and my dad's clear favourite) was 2 years older than me and liked to steal my stuff. I'd save for something with my pocket money and almost as soon as I got it, no matter how much I tried to protect it, it would be ruined. So I developed a strategy of accumulating stuff, so I could hide the stuff that was mine, because nothing ever was for long. My makeup, jewelery and clothes went walkies or were broken, there was makeup smeared all over the floor of my room, which nobody would help me clean, my sentimental toys and books were torn apart. And if they weren't, then my parents would just give my stuff away without checking. If I objected, they'd call me selfish and make me feel bad until I allowed it.

So 'stuff' became my armour. I'd be unable to throw things that were 'mine' away, because nothing ever was. I bonded with things quickly and now it's a habit. I have a pile of stuff surrounding the area where I sit which one of my friends calls my nest. I don't feel secure and hidden without it. I'm not a serious hoarder - in that my house is messy but not dirty but I do find it hard to get rid of stuff.

Hope this helps a bit.

heartbreak_star

My mum's a bit like that greenval...she'd faint if she saw my house! It's clean enough but we both work full-time and have a very "shed-dy" dog.

On the other hand, her walls haven't been painted for 5 years and it's driving her up the wall because "that's the longest it should be between paintings". I wouldn't mind so much but she's painting magnolia over magnolia *chuckle*. I wonder if it's related to the fact that she, my dad, and several of my family smoked quite heavily when I was younger so the nicotine needed painting over? She's been stopped for about 15 years though!

Thankfully I LOVE chucking things away

ETA: codemonkey, that's a sad story - have some *hugs*

HBS x

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

Possible penguin reply to above penguin. It deals with hoarding.


7DW, bear this in mind.........

1. Everything has a value.:-

A rusty frying pan with a loose handle could still come in useful for something.
Eg. For mixing glue, or paints. For holding lots of little loose things, for painting a face on the back and becoming a garden art piece, for being a bird-bath.
It's the recycling mentality exaggerated.
The fact that the rusty frying-pan never gets used for any of those things is neither here nor there, because it might, one day.

How many of us have chucked something away, only to wish we still had it a few weeks later, because it would than have been used?
The feeling of getting rid of something that still has a use or a worth is counter-intuitive!

2. It connects with a feeling of safety in the past:-

Perhaps mum used to use a frying-pan a lot. Perhaps Dad bought it for him. Perhaps it's like one that Dad bought for him. Maybe it's associated with some jolly student times. Maybe it's associated with food which is a comfort.
That connection with the past can be too strong to break. For you, it might be a close relative's favourite necklace. For him, it might be a rusty old frying-pan.

Those are just some thoughts about one particular object.

Some of this I relate to. I could very, very easily let it get out of hand, so am very careful to try and rationalise the need to keep a particular object. If I find I have loads of say, cardboard boxes, I force myself to get rid of some, etc. but some people just cannot bring themselves to get rid of even some of the boxes, so they build up and up.


I hope that might be a little bit useful.

Very useful thanks. Possible Penguin to follow : It was the episode with the frying pan, taken in connection with all the kitchen gadgets unopened and still in boxes, the seven rucksacks, the Warhammer 'collection' scattered everywhere and the fact that he had to move his pile off the bed to get into it and off the floor to get out of it,the re-wearing of clothes with holes in, that made us realise he was a bit more than untidy.

My husband had actually thrown away lots of things and the lodger never noticed, he just happened to notice the frying pan in there bin.

When he moved (back to his mother's), we took about ten people-carrier size carloads (from one bedroom) and he stuck it all in his mum's dining room. She looked horrified!

Thanks codemonkey for your very insightful post. I have a friend like that, she surrounds herself with her treasures, like a little nest .

I am reading the suggested thread and learning a lot from it, thanks again.

DUKE

greenval wrote: »

I hope people don't think I'm just making light of a serious problem but.... I'm not a hoarder nor am I minimalist and the house is always pretty clean and tidy, so why do programmes about hoarding turn me neurotic about cleaning and tidying for a week?!
I watched one or two 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners ' episodes but had to stop as they seemed to trigger some weird anxiety in me

I'm exactly the same greenval, these programmes make me feel quite ill! :eek: Once I've watched them I feel that my home's dirty & I have urges to scrub everything.

A lot of the hoarders are alone, so perhaps it's got something to do with filling the home with junk so it don't feel so empty. Anyone remember Mr Trebus?

Harry used to collect milk bottles & he had row upon row of clean bottles on shelves in his bedroom.

Oh God I've missed Burns Night! I've got the haggis though Code

Pyxis

Codemonkey,your post makes perfect sense to me....one person's mess is another person's security nest.:)

7DW, it would be interesting to know if the ex-lodger still has all the stuff now that he's back at his mother's?
It might be that he missed being at home?

Duke hahaha! I'm the opposite! Those programmes make me feel I'm not so bad after all, because I can at least move around the rooms!

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

Codemonkey,your post makes perfect sense to me....one person's mess is another person's security nest.:)

7DW, it would be interesting to know if the ex-lodger still has all the stuff now that he's back at his mother's?
It might be that he missed being at home?

Duke hahaha! I'm the opposite! Those programmes make me feel I'm not so bad after all, because I can at least move around the rooms!

AFAIK, he still has it. He felt it was a backward step to move back home, but TBH i think it is better for him for several reasons.

One interesting fact is, he's a very keen scout leader and teaches all the little scouts all their skills needed for their badges, many of these involve personal organisation. So I think it's the attachment to things that is the problem, rather than disorganisation.

Their garage is also full to the gills with his sister's stuff (who no longer lives there).

:eek::eek: