Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, my bobble_hat, I love that! Thank you for making me laugh despite the anxiety, what a wonderful idea! I am now going to go and do just that as soon as the electrician finishes all of the flats (I cannot do anything but sit in horror while he is in the building in case he returns). If the landlord is fictionally watching me I can fictionally have fun with him! I am a psychologist by profession (back before the wheel was invented) so I have all of the therapeutic treatments in my mind as possible coping strategies but sometimes a more personal, humane and hilarious one works so much better. That is just perfect!

bobble_hat

Yay! Let us all know how it goes, It helps to see the quirky and fun in every situation, it is always there, even if it takes some looking for.

My OH always says that you cannot control the people or the world around you, but you can control your reactions to it, and I love that philosopy, it's hard to do sometimes because our emotions are always one step ahead of us, but it's good to work to.

So wherever you can, have a little fun with it all. We all have our weird little anomolies and pressure points, so I'm really not sure where the definition of a 'normal' person came from becuase I've never met a 'normal' person ever, we should throw all these labels and definitions out of the window, we're all just complicated, diverse, fascinating human beings with no handbook. The world needs to embrace that and stop using the 'one size fits all' strategy.

Right I'll remove my soap box from your thread and go back to imagining you pulling a moonie at your smoke alarm. :rotfl:

kittykat17

I started reading your thread last night and couldn't stop. I just wanted to say that you deserve all our respect for opening up in the way you have. Life has dealt you so many harsh blows but, despite all your problems, you still have a sense of humour and care about others. I'm lucky and don't suffer from MH problems but my sister was bi-polar so I have a very small understanding of some of the problems people with MH suffer. If you do ever feel able to write a book I would love to read it and I would hope that it might give others a better understanding of people with MH and hopefully a better level of tolerance for things they don't know about and don't understand. Try to keep smiling. Hugs on their way from Newcastle x

Waves_and_Smiles

Bobble that is so true, we are all a little different from others no matter what our labels. I have so many labels for physical and mental conditions that one of my biggest fears when filling in benefit forms is that it looks so ridiculous that they think that I have made it up. I look like I have Googled '100 ways to pass an ESA assessment'. Some of the labels that I have I believe are over-diagnosing and that is just overlapping conditions rather than a brand new one but labels seem to make them happy so I let them get on with it without protest as long as it doesn't harm me. My psychiatrist has asked the last few times if I have sudden mania interspersed with depression, I might cry if I get a Bipolar diagnosis too, I believe that will be a full house (Do I win a prize?)!

Hello kittykat! I am glad my thread interested you, I am still amazed when someone says it does. My life really is very dull out of necessity, the less changes the better. The autobiography is an on-going thought and has been for quite a while. I can remember my teacher friend telling me that I should write down my experiences when I was 16, he is very patient with me! There are two psychiatric papers out there about me though, one written by my first therapist on the benefits of using psycho-dynamic psychotherapy with a child and one written by one of my psychiatrists as a case study about Multiple Personality Disorder. They of course are unidentifying but parts of my story are already out there.

I shall return to making rude gestures to my smoke detector...

jobbingmusician

worried_and_scared wrote: »

My psychiatrist has asked the last few times if I have sudden mania interspersed with depression, I might cry if I get a Bipolar diagnosis too, I believe that will be a full house (Do I win a prize?)!

It says more about how reliable psychiatry is, than it does about you, though! I can't believe that in this day and age you can send the same person to 3 overpaid consultants, and get 3 different diagnoses.

Which isn't to say that there aren't helpful practitioners out there. The best one I ever heard of was about 25 years ago, who treated a friend of mine. He sectioned her into hospital and her main fear was what would happen to her daughter, as she was a single mum. The psychiatrist took the little girl home and looked after her! (Wouldn't and couldn't happen nowadays!)

I do get annoyed, though, at the fact that so much money is given to the psychiatric profession when patients say what helps them most is psycho- social interventions. Mental health is unique in health conditions. Unless you are actually raving, or very very high, if you feel better it normally means that you are....... And that means that everyone (not in the throes of a serious psychotic attack) is THE expert in their own mental health.....

Waves_and_Smiles

I couldn't agree more jobbingmuscian (Good Evening!). One of my interesting ones is Multiple Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder. All used to describe the same symptoms and I was told by a specialist that which one they choose depends on their personal beliefs and teaching. Personally I believe I have MPD from an early age and later developed schizophrenia and the two are separate, the symptoms are very different in both and I can tell them apart.

On the other hand I have a label of Chronic Anxiety Disorder. Lets see, I was abused, I have flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I hallucinate, I lose my memories daily... of course I'm anxious! I would take myself to A&E if I wasn't because something would be very wrong? Without the other issues perhaps I would still suffer with chronic anxiety but it is impossible to tell and I don't think that it is worthy of its own label. The label doesn't harm me, however so I haven't argued it but I certainly would argue if they mention Bipolar as a serious possibility as it took 10 years to establish a drug regime that worked for me and I really do not need anyone rocking the boat.

I would have been lost without the talking therapies, my conditions certainly aren't controlled by the medication alone. I don't dispute that I need it and it has made a huge difference but it is the interaction that has allowed me to manage day to day. Also, again I was lucky that I took a psychology degree and many therapy courses, it gives me a view from both sides so I am usually, unless very ill aware of where my treatment is heading. A lot of people sadly don't have that advantage and can be rail-roaded into something that will not work for them as they feel too embarrassed and belittled to speak up. I have seen the situation improve a lot over the years but we have a long way to go as regards patient-participation yet.


Quick edit on the point of helpful practitioners. My first therapist saw me from the ages of 13 to 21, in a clinic until I was 18 and then in her office at home. I later found out funding had stopped for my therapy at 18 and she wasn't paid a penny for seeing me for the 3 remaining years. I have never forgotten it, it was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, another label that I forgot (see aforementioned memory problems) and that I think deserves a post all of its own as it is just so amusing is Depression Psychosis. This means that when I am severely depressed I hallucinate and have psychotic thoughts. I have always had varying degrees of depression, I also have schizophrenia which makes me hallucinate and have psychotic thoughts. It isn't possible that while I am depressed that I have had a schizophrenic hallucination at the same time or that I have become depressed when the hallucinations are bad? No? ok then. I challenged it once and I was told my psychiatrist wanted to cover all possibilities. That is another one for the ESA List of Doom then. I am not even bothered by that one, I actually find it hilarious. These things do make me giggle at times.

Waves_and_Smiles

Today is horrendous. So many bad thoughts, so much of the day thinking I was dreaming, nested dreams, thoughts of self-harm. I do not feel real, I think that I am still dreaming, am I even really typing this? Will I wake up soon and the day will begin again? I was incontinent, I didn't realise I needed to go. I have been away inside for 19 hours, everyone is sobbing in there, terrified and not wanting to live. Everything feels like gossamer, that it could be ripped apart revealing reality underneath it.

This will also pass, I just have to hang on. I will write more when I am able, don't worry I am safe. I have increased my anti-psychotics and I have people with me. I am glad of that even if they don't seem real.

Pyxis

worried_and_scared wrote: »

Today is horrendous. So many bad thoughts, so much of the day thinking I was dreaming, nested dreams, thoughts of self-harm. I do not feel real, I think that I am still dreaming, am I even really typing this? Will I wake up soon and the day will begin again? I was incontinent, I didn't realise I needed to go. I have been away inside for 19 hours, everyone is sobbing in there, terrified and not wanting to live. Everything feels like gossamer, that it could be ripped apart revealing reality underneath it.

This will also pass, I just have to hang on. I will write more when I am able, don't worry I am safe. I have increased my anti-psychotics and I have people with me. I am glad of that even if they don't seem real.

Thank you for explaining that.
Have you been in to hug them all? Maybe the gossamer could be used to make everyone a snuggle, as a comfort?

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello there, do excuse me if I don't make much sense, I am typing through psychosis which is difficult although the medication has helped and now I would say that I am 50% here, 50% convinced that I am about to wake up. That isn't a bad idea actually, I could try it.

I will explain more about this when I am fully back, this is what I was expecting as a result of going out on Tuesday. I have spent the whole day not feeling real at all and sleeping trying to wake up as I was convinced that I was locked in a dream. Everytime I slept nightmares followed only for me to wake up again and believe that I was still dreaming so nothing mattered. Tomorrow should be a little better and then I will explain what has been happening and how I deal with it. It might be useful to someone...

PS: I need a hug. I don't care if it is virtual, please imagine hugging me someone?